Disappointment over gifts

[Saeleofu]

If she's unappreciative little brat, it's fine to comment on it, but why do you need to mention whether or not she's related by blood? IMO that's no different than saying "we buy my niece presents and she's unappreciative, and she's gay and we still care about her!"

But she's NOT my niece. My nephew is my nephew because he's my brother's offspring. My brother s not married to my nephew's mother. My nephew's mother is not my sister. My nephew's mother is married to some other random man. Her and this random man had a child. This child is not my niece. She is my nephew's half sister.

[Fran27]

And lol Dizzy. It's not the same though. You can't go to a Christmas party empty handed.

And yeah.. if someone I totally forgot about sent me a gift at Christmas, you bet I'd be looking for something to send in return. *shrug* Now if someone gives me something at another time of the year, that's different.

Social conventions are a bitch but it's what it is.

[Fran27]

Originally Posted by Saeleofu

But she's NOT my niece. My nephew is my nephew because he's my brother's offspring. My brother s not married to my nephew's mother. My nephew's mother is not my sister. My nephew's mother is married to some other random man. Her and this random man had a child. This child is not my niece. She is my nephew's half sister.

I still call my nephew's half sister my niece. Or I'd call her my nephew's sister. Either way, she's family... blood related or not. We sure as hell don't make the distinction in my family.

[Dizzy]

Originally Posted by Fran27

And lol Dizzy. It's not the same though. You can't go to a Christmas party empty handed.

And yeah.. if someone I totally forgot about sent me a gift at Christmas, you bet I'd be looking for something to send in return. *shrug* Now if someone gives me something at another time of the year, that's different.

Social conventions are a bitch but it's what it is.

I made a lot of effort with my presents this year. I can't lie that it would be nice to see the same effort back, but really... Cest la vie!!!


I don't send Xmas cards, because i don't really like them, they're wasteful.... And you end up having to send more and more and more.


Every year I have a pang of guilt over the expectation to send them though, as people still give me them.


There IS expectation at Christmas!!

[JessLough]

Originally Posted by Fran27

And lol Dizzy. It's not the same though. You can't go to a Christmas party empty handed.

And yeah.. if someone I totally forgot about sent me a gift at Christmas, you bet I'd be looking for something to send in return. *shrug* Now if someone gives me something at another time of the year, that's different.

Social conventions are a bitch but it's what it is.

People sure can go to a Christmas Party empty handed. You've just moulded to other people's expectations.

[Fran101]

Then again.. my family isn't like that about gifts. Some people buy for some, some not others, I barely bought gifts.. It's really not that big of a deal.

The party is much bigger than the gifts really.. and you don't bring the gifts TO the party, that would be seen as rude. Different strokes, different folks..

People buy gifts and then keep them under THEIR tree. The person who the gift is for comes by at some point and takes it home.. so they aren't getting a gift while you are opening yours. So there is no comparison really.

We all do the family hop from one home to another.. I mean, writing it down it all seems so complicated. But like, everyone KNOWS when to go see certain people lol there is like some weird family schedule
Aunty X always take the 26th, Uncle Y makes treats all day Dec 30th, the older cousins mail their gifts so expect them late (Jan 3rd ish), My mom OWNS Dec 28th (She always has a tea party!) ..
They keep their homes open all day and people just..trickle in, and take presents home and say hello lol

And you NEVER EVER open your present while in that person's home. People who marry into my family don't get this.. but it's like this weird..thing lol the whole gift opening thing is very private lol you do it AT HOME.. and write a thank you note AT HOME.

I've never experienced the kind of "but I bought you something and you didn't buy me anything!" from my family at all.
but then again, I guess it's done in a way that there is no way to do that.. you go to see a bunch of relatives for mini parties, you take a gift if it is there, if not..
there's still a party lol

[Saeleofu]

Originally Posted by Fran27

I still call my nephew's half sister my niece. Or I'd call her my nephew's sister. Either way, she's family... blood related or not. We sure as hell don't make the distinction in my family.

Quite frankly I don't care what you do in your family and I don't understand your obsession over what we do in mine. And I DID call her my nephew's sister, but you took offense to that.

[MilliesMom]

I don't know, pretty much agree with what's already said (it's the thought that counts) but next time I get a customer crabbing at me at work, "you're such a whiny ungrateful little douchecanoe" will spring into my head, thanks.

[Shai]

Originally Posted by sassafras

The way I see it... if giving gifts was meant to be tit for tat, then we might as well all just buy ourselves a bunch of gifts and be done with it.

I am at a different place in my life than, for example, my 20s year old niece and nephew (and the nephew is about to get married to boot). I like that I am able to be generous to them, but in no way in hell do I expect them to reciprocate (nor do I need them to). When they've reached a level of financial stability, then they can be generous to THEIR nieces and nephews.

^This.

Originally Posted by Fran101

Then again.. my family isn't like that about gifts. Some people buy for some, some not others, I barely bought gifts.. It's really not that big of a deal.

The party is much bigger than the gifts really.. and you don't bring the gifts TO the party, that would be seen as rude. Different strokes, different folks..

People buy gifts and then keep them under THEIR tree. The person who the gift is for comes by at some point and takes it home.. so they aren't getting a gift while you are opening yours. So there is no comparison really.

We all do the family hop from one home to another.. I mean, writing it down it all seems so complicated. But like, everyone KNOWS when to go see certain people lol there is like some weird family schedule
Aunty X always take the 26th, Uncle Y makes treats all day Dec 30th, the older cousins mail their gifts so expect them late (Jan 3rd ish), My mom OWNS Dec 28th (She always has a tea party!) ..
They keep their homes open all day and people just..trickle in, and take presents home and say hello lol

And you NEVER EVER open your present while in that person's home. People who marry into my family don't get this.. but it's like this weird..thing lol the whole gift opening thing is very private lol you do it AT HOME.. and write a thank you note AT HOME.

I've never experienced the kind of "but I bought you something and you didn't buy me anything!" from my family at all.
but then again, I guess it's done in a way that there is no way to do that.. you go to see a bunch of relatives for mini parties, you take a gift if it is there, if not..
there's still a party lol

I think I need to join your family.

[Fran27]

No I took offense in the 'she's not blood related but we invited her anyway'. Which is absolutely horrible to read when you've adopted your kids. Can just imagine people saying 'oh they're not blood related but we invited them anyway'. YIKES. I guess I just find it sad that you don't understand why it's insensitive... and no matter how I try to explain, you won't get it.

But anyway, it's true Fran, all families have different expectations. I just can't really go and judge people who complain that they got bad gifts when I don't know their expectations