Disappointment over gifts

[Fran27]

Originally Posted by CaliTerp07

If you only give a gift expecting something in return, it's not a gift--it's a weird justification to get something yourself.

I don't like giving gifts at Christmas--I do it out of a sense of societal obligation, but I would much prefer that gifts were given at that magical moment that I find something that screams "__________ would love this!" and gave it just because.

Exactly but what you're saying is totally contradictory. If you give gifts out of obligation (which, let's face it, we all have to do at Christmas, can't exactly go empty handed), then of course it's normal to expect something in return (talking about adults). Because the other people share the same obligation. Then why wouldn't be people be allowed to feel disappointed if they get a crappy gift after giving a good one?

I'm sure even the people who complain about their gifts had someone they were happy to give to, and really didn't care what they got in return. But nobody's here taking into account the fact that are Christmas people are obligated to give gifts. It throws the whole 'a gift isn't a gift if you expect something in return' theory out of the window, IMO. And I think people are allowed to be disappointed if they got junk.

Personally I don't really care though. I don't need anything and I'd rather have nothing than something that will just take dust and I'll feel obligated to keep, lol. But I didn't get out of my way to buy gifts either, except for my kids, so I don't think I'm entitled to feel disappointed, lol.

[Fran27]

Originally Posted by Saeleofu

REALLY? You think it's rude of me to say we care about her even though she's not blood related? In what world is that rude?

My kids are adopted. Get it now? Blood isn't everything, and the fact that you even had to mention that she wasn't blood related make me cringe.

[JessLough]

Yah its kind of pathetic to complain about a gift. They don't have to give you anything.

As far as monetary value goes... Rosey didn't cost my parents a dime. Best gift.

[smkie]

I think that is describing a trade, not a gift. I don't think it is suppose to be about a trade. OUr family give only to the children, no one could afford to do otherwise, and I cannot buy gifts, so I made them. Hyia drew pictures. They children were happy. That's what it is suppose to be about. End of story imho.

[sillysally]

Originally Posted by Saeleofu

REALLY? You think it's rude of me to say we care about her even though she's not blood related? In what world is that rude?

It came across to me like you felt you were doing her a huge favor by including her in family activities even though she wasn't "blood." Honestly, as a stepchild who is part of a family and isn't "blood" I can see what Fran is saying as it rubbed me the wrong way as well.

[milos_mommy]

Originally Posted by Saeleofu

REALLY? You think it's rude of me to say we care about her even though she's not blood related? In what world is that rude?

I thought it was pretty insensitive as well. Especially if you're talking about a kid/teenager....someone's stepdaughter or something, and not someone's boyfriend or girlfriend. If she's unappreciative little brat, it's fine to comment on it, but why do you need to mention whether or not she's related by blood? IMO that's no different than saying "we buy my niece presents and she's unappreciative, and she's gay and we still care about her!" or "all my cousins don't appreciate our gifts, but one's adopted so she really should be more appreciative than her siblings". What does her being blood related or not have to do with it?

[sillysally]

I was annoyed that my dad had the money to spend on beer but not on even a dollar lotto ticket for the few of us in the family. However, this is because DH and I have been paying his rent and buying his groceries for the last two months and his sister has been paying the rest of his bills. We are also paying for his move (dumpster, truck, gas, etc) at great expense to us. So yeah, when I opened the fridge and saw beer I was ticked that with the extra cash he had he bought beer and didn't even consider giving his family even a small gift. It wasn't the lack of gift, it was the principle that bothered me.

[Dizzy]

........

sheldon: You bought me a present? Why would you do such a thing? I know you think you're being generous, but the foundation of gift giving is reciprocity. You haven't given me a gift, you've given me an obligation. The essence of the custom is that i now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented by the gift you've given me. Ah, it's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year.

[JessLough]

Ehh, I get what Sael meant. We have a whole side of the family that is not in any way blood related. They are still family! They're still my Nanny/Uncle/cousins. Sometimes, when I was staying with my Uncle, somebody would ask who I was. He'd say I'm his niece. When asked who my patents are, he would at times explain it. Does that mean he treated us any different? Absolutely not! We were invited to the family get togethers, we got cards, gifts and phone calls on holidays and birthdays, etc.

[Fran27]

Originally Posted by JessLough

Yah its kind of pathetic to complain about a gift. They don't have to give you anything.

Yes they do. That's the thing. For a lot of people, it's expected to give and receive something at Christmas. Can you imagine going to a Christmas party and not buy anything to anyone, or just not for Uncle Kim because you couldn't think of anything to get? That would be really rude.

Smkie it's totally different. We've done the 'only give to children' thing. It's fine. Actually I like it so much better because I don't have to think about what to get for others for weeks, lol. But it's not the same situation.