Dog Site - Dog Stuff
Dog Forum | Dog Pictures

Go Back   Chazhound Dog Forum > Dog Forum News > The Fire Hydrant


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-10-2012, 03:00 AM
StephyMei1112's Avatar
StephyMei1112 StephyMei1112 is offline
Blackout
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: No fixed abode.
Posts: 922
Default Stephy's midnight musings/updates

I want to say....thanks

Thanks to those who hated me.
You made me stronger.

Thanks to those who loved me.
You made me realize life was worth living.

Thanks to those who cared.
You made me feel important & like I mattered.

Thanks to those who entered my life.
You made me who I am today.

Thanks to those who left.
You taught me that nothing lasts forever.

Thanks to those who stayed.
You showed me true friendship.

Thanks to those who listened.
You made me feel like I was worth it.

*

Let the critics of our friendship, Convention's footmen - roll their eyes.
Their low prejudices are wrenching, Sully your rennome as a wife,

but I won't genuflect to vested, proprieties at any price,
for right and wrong, however rusted, my private judgement must
suffice.

Like you I prefer peace's pauses to battle's
catapults of stone,
Like you I visit people's houses but reside entirely in my own.

At parties I chat with fools and wisemen,
But listen only to my own heart.
I live today, but for the ages,
I live here, but in a world apart.

We don't cheat so we won't be cheated,
We meet; we say farewell again.
Our friendship wasn't much joy,
At least let our parting be without much pain.


*George Jonas, 2011. Based on Mikhail Lermontov's poem "Good Bye"

"***26360;***29983;***24528;***20219;***24615;***65292;***30171;***21741;***22833;***32882;***65292;***29494;***24184;***26367;***21531;***25273;***28122;***26377;***32005;***32645;***24085;***65292;***20241;***23559;***28122;***20877;***20670;..."

Wayward youngster, achingly sobbing till all voice is lost, in fortune there is a red kerchief on which to help your tears....

"***19981;***24517;***24796;***24826;***24826;! ***25105;***23527;***25291;***28879;***32023;, ***21435;***25563;***21435;***25563;***20841;***26412;***32147;***65292;***33879;***34952;***35039;***27512;***37326;***23546;***20358;***39178;***38748;!"

No need to pity me! I take these things and exchange them for scripture instead, I leave all this for a existence of slience

*My translations do not do these lines justice. From a Cantonese opera.

You must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is still (just) a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by

And when two lovers woo
They still say: I love you
On that you can rely
No matter what the future brings
As time goes by

Moonlight and love songs - never out of date
Hearts full of passion - jealousy and hate
Woman needs man - and man must have his mate
That no one can deny

It's still the same old story
A fight for love and glory
A case of do or die
The world will always welcome lovers
As time goes by


*******************************************

I spoke with a friend of mine tonight....

Let's call her Fanny. Fanny referred me to Jacqueline for my stint (those who know will know - those who don't, I'm sorry - I'm not getting into all that all over again).

She was furious that I didn't carry on with the work. She said I didn't listen to her, I didn't take advice, and I was carrying on in a very "yum seng" (Cantonese for wayward/headstrong) manner contrary to her counsel. She said that I was embarrassing her, making her look bad, ruining her relationships with Jacqueline and co, and smearing her reputation.

I explained that it was in a moment of confusion, desperation, and numbness that I accepted the job and that I did not mean to cause trouble to anyone else and I was sorry if she lost money/anything else due to my not carrying through with the work for a longer time.

I was replied by a scoff then a hot sputtering of frustrations. "They're SO mad at me now! You're so irresponsible Stephy!" - that was followed by the click of her phone.

Ok....

Thing is though; I received a text from Jacqueline herself earlier this evening, asking after me. She was concerned (seemingly) if I had secured a job yet and if I was eating okay. She wished me luck and told me to take care, as well as saying she hoped she didn't hear from me asking for employment again for my sake.

Talk about on the contrary...

I called her up after the conversation with Fanny. I apologized to her if due to me a wedge came up in her and Fanny's friendship. She was confused and revealed that she hadn't actually spoken to Fanny for at least a month - only exchanging texts and an email with her on the day prior to my engagement. We chatted for a short while more about other things then she had to go.

I have so few friends around already - the loss of even a dollar I feel nowadays, let alone the loss of support and just the feeling of someone being there and caring....we've known each other a long time and been there for each other through sh!t - I can't imagine everything just ending on this kind of a note. I'll give it time, and maybe when things settle....but it's hard not to feel hurt....

My other friends are in awkward positions. One is in between Hong Kong/Taiwan on business and won't be back till April foreseeably - she's trying to get some money through to me though and support me through Whatsapp conversations, Another is having to deal with very touchy family issues and is skimped herself, this guy who I went out with shortly....there are problems, emotional kinda problems; enough said. The last of my close pals has a house full of relatives over for the holidays and Chinese New Year's, is drowning in debt herself, and is just scraping by herself (without the anxiety of housing though). More casual acquaintances have either distanced themselves or have been sympathetic but unable to offer much aid themselves.

I'm so drained...
__________________
Feudin' and fightin' and a-fussin,'
That's all that's goin' on with us'n!
We are such neighborly people, peaceful and sweet!
All except when we happen to meet.


Stories, Poetry, and Musings
http://inugami1112.wordpress.com/

"And it's all been lost before, so there's nothing to lose..."


"There are those that love dogs insanely and those that don't. But once you like a dog, you're sunk. You're a dog person for life."

UKC Kuvasz Standard
AKC Kuvasz Standard
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 12-10-2012, 01:32 PM
Twin_Dogs Twin_Dogs is offline
Puppy Dog
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Coldest place in Canada
Posts: 89
Default

hmmm.. you feel the loss of a dollar... but the $80 for your phone not so much hey? what chapter are we now?
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-10-2012, 01:46 PM
Doberluv's Avatar
Doberluv Doberluv is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: western Wa
Posts: 21,914
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Twin_Dogs View Post
hmmm.. you feel the loss of a dollar... but the $80 for your phone not so much hey? what chapter are we now?
Why don't you just knock it off!
__________________
"If you love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen." -- Samuel Adams 1776





"When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty."

Thomas Jefferson
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-10-2012, 01:53 PM
Airn's Avatar
Airn Airn is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Bentonville, AR
Posts: 986
Default

I have watched Stephy's posts for the past week now and haven't said anything because, honestly I don't know what to tell her. I also feel I haven't been here long enough to stick my nose into what seems to be a complex and never-ending situation.

Stephy, I am so very sorry that things have ended up the way they have. You seem intelligent. I mean that as a compliment but it is also a curse. It seems like you are getting into your head. I haven't been where you are, but I have been down a bad path and I can relate on some levels. While I disagree with several decisions you've made, and wish you wouldn't publicize everything you do, I want you to get better.

I don't believe us telling you what to do will make you change anything. There are clearly people here who support you no matter what you do. I feel that you'll just ignore the ones who don't. If this isn't the case, then it would help to show that you do care what the others think.

While it is your life, if you post updates about your situation on a public forum, it's hard not to expect people to be curious. We are like that with everyone, especially people who seem to be stuck. I honestly believe that most of the people on here are very caring and what you to get help.

For your sake, I hope you listen to everyone, with a grain of salt. Only you can make the change in your life. You're going through the motions but it won't mean anything if you aren't completely invested in. Take a breather. Don't think about things so much. Pride is a fickle thing, but it would appear that's all you have. Do not waste your intelligence. Do not waste your life. You may be fine with the things you are doing now, but you will have to live with them later. If you feel you can do that, good for you, I suppose.

I am not trying to make you feel worse. I do want to see you get out of this. I normally wouldn't say anything but since I'm new, I thought it would be an opinion that is (mostly) unbiased.

And in regards to Fanny: some people are just assholes. You can't explain their behavior or make them understand where you're coming from. Friendships/relationships are draining. Your friends may not be close to you and you may not have many, but it's quality over quantity in this case. Positive relationships are all you need right now. If someone feels you have wronged them, perhaps it's best to put them on the back burner. If they want to have a relationship with you, hopefully they will understand you need to figure yourself out before you can nurse a relationship.

Just my feelings on the situation. I'll step back now.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-10-2012, 01:57 PM
-bogart- -bogart- is offline
Member of WHODAT Nation.
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: South East Louisiana
Posts: 3,174
Default

Twin , ya being rude and just disgusting . Don't click her threads of you don't to hear it.



Steph , from that scenario I bet she was getting a cut of ya work. I am so sorry ya friends are
Not the support ya need right now. I hope it continues to keep the slow hike up the mountain.
How's the job hunt going ? Found anything suitable yet ? And ya dad , have ya heard anything else from
Him?
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-10-2012, 02:03 PM
Doberluv's Avatar
Doberluv Doberluv is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: western Wa
Posts: 21,914
Default

Stephy, the friends you mentioned...well, that's pretty normal. They come and go through our lives. I don't have any friends other than my family. You have lost more friends than I ever had. Don't worry too much. Everything kind of evolves and fluctuates. You'll meet new friends, I'm sure, as you get working or get involved in a new hobby.

I enjoyed reading your writings. And I could hear As Time Goes By in my mind. Love that song.

Well, as they say, "Necessity is the mother of invention." You'll figure out how to make ends meet...an adjustment here, a cut-back there. Chin up...stay strong.
__________________
"If you love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen." -- Samuel Adams 1776





"When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty."

Thomas Jefferson
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-10-2012, 02:11 PM
Twin_Dogs Twin_Dogs is offline
Puppy Dog
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Coldest place in Canada
Posts: 89
Default

How is that being rude? She said she pays $80 a month for her phone. There's no way that's the only option available to her in Canada, if you dont have a job, and you value every dollar you make THROUGH HARD WORK, having an $80 phone plan is not the most intelligent thing to do, or is it?
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-10-2012, 02:18 PM
Doberluv's Avatar
Doberluv Doberluv is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: western Wa
Posts: 21,914
Default

I think we live in an age where we have been taught to analyze ourselves, our lives to a big extent. We have been conditioned to "find ourselves." And have such high expectations. This is all well and good. It's good to have incentive and ambition. It's important to stay in touch with our feelings and what makes us and the world around us tick. HOWEVER-r-r-r-r-r-r....(lol) I think sometimes we can over-do it...get so wrapped up in analyzing every little detail, expecting things to be and feel a certain way and perhaps forgetting the little things that have great potential to make us happy. We're also bombarded with stimulation with all the techy electronic stuff in our lives. Everything is so fast paced and kind of like a drug. If you don't have everything at a high level, the lower levels of life's offerings seem like nothing. So, many people aren't happy unless grand things or very remarkable things are happening. I think everyone...not just you needs to step back and quit over analyzing themselves and get their minds on something else...not how it affects them or pertains to them so much, but just simply that something else. And see if you don't start feeling happier. Lower your expectations. Get a job, enjoy the people you work with, come home and do something relaxing, clean the house, start an art project, go for a walk, look at the scenery, watch the birds. And be happy. Stop searching so desperately for some illusive nothing that doesn't have anything to do with true happiness anyway. Things will come together more and more in due course.
__________________
"If you love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen." -- Samuel Adams 1776





"When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty."

Thomas Jefferson
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-10-2012, 02:21 PM
Doberluv's Avatar
Doberluv Doberluv is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: western Wa
Posts: 21,914
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Twin_Dogs View Post
How is that being rude? She said she pays $80 a month for her phone. There's no way that's the only option available to her in Canada, if you dont have a job, and you value every dollar you make THROUGH HARD WORK, having an $80 phone plan is not the most intelligent thing to do, or is it?
You don't know that your wording was rude????

Well, that's one big, HUGE thing Stephy has going for her. She's a gentle soul who knows how to use words in a way that gets her meaning across without hurting anyone's feelings.
__________________
"If you love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen." -- Samuel Adams 1776





"When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty."

Thomas Jefferson
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 12-10-2012, 02:32 PM
Jules's Avatar
Jules Jules is offline
Magic, motherf@%$*#!
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 7,166
Default

Stephy, have you thought about counseling? Done anything towards that?

Have you heard back from a potential job? I just did a quick search forward your area, there are a TON of job openings... As they are everywhere right now. It doesn't have to be a forever job, but working tons of hours in retail is better than nothing. You just have to want it.

And I know that deep down inside you know you are worth it... If you didn't think you were you wouldn't ask your friends for help. This may sound harsh, but I feel like it's the truth.
__________________
A dog is a miracle with paws.
T-Bone, CGC
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:06 AM.


1997-2013 Chazhound Dog Site