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Old 10-21-2012, 07:05 AM
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StephyMei1112 StephyMei1112 is offline
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Default This is SO tiring.

I want out. I just do. There's not been a morning/afternoon that I've woken up on this year and thought to myself "I'm so glad I'm alive". Life has become a dreadful, troublesome, and joyless thing to me and I'm so d@mned sick of it, sick to my stomach of it. Call me short sighted, call me childish - whatever, I don't care. I want to rest, I want peace, and I don't want to have to deal with all of these catastrophic happenings anymore; I know that lots of other people all over the world have it alot worse but I'm not comparing my situation to them - I only know how it feels for me and I don't think I can or want to take it anymore.

Every day a new, horrible problem rears it's head, every day my surroundings grow more tense and desolate, every day I am drained and exhausted before the day even stars, every day I have to tell myself to just try and hold on - it's much too much, I can't...I just can't. Either I change, the situation changes, or I need to be killed. Things can't go on this way, I can't and don't want to deal with a life that is like this and I don't know that I am gutsy enough to face up to, deal with, and work through things the way they are now....I want to sob and bang my head against something but I haven't the energy or tears left. I'm so done.
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Old 10-21-2012, 07:18 AM
Fran27 Fran27 is offline
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I've been in your shoes. Believe me, it gets better. The hardest part is sticking it out. Call a hotline if you have to. Go see a counselor. If you give up now, you won't ever have a chance of being happy... and it's worth it.
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Old 10-21-2012, 07:18 AM
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I'm not religious, but I've always liked this prayer:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."

If your life sucks, change it. It's not worth ending it and all the wasted opportunities. Do something drastic, different, uncharacteristic.... Whatever you need to do to shake you out of the funk. It's always fixable. Always. And if you just give in, you miss out on the chance to overcome it.
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Old 10-21-2012, 07:45 AM
JessLough JessLough is offline
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Can't type much cause I have to run (ironically, to an event I'm throwing to help suicidal kids) but this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbara! View Post
I'm not religious, but I've always liked this prayer:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."

If your life sucks, change it. It's not worth ending it and all the wasted opportunities. Do something drastic, different, uncharacteristic.... Whatever you need to do to shake you out of the funk. It's always fixable. Always. And if you just give in, you miss out on the chance to overcome it.
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Old 10-21-2012, 08:30 AM
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Gosh how terrible!!! I have been there I think we all have. What is it that John mellincamp said in one of his songs: "life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone"?

Hang in there. I know how it feels to want someone to talk to so badly but no one "gets it"
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Old 10-21-2012, 09:57 AM
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Blah. Been there, done that and never ever want to go through it again. I spent the better part of my entire teenaged years in misery.
It gets better and only you have the ability to make the changes.
Of course this is easier said than done when you don't even want to sit up.

I read a few depression work books, did a few of the exercises in them that helped open my eyes to the way my mind was working against me. It helped make some conscious changes.
In the end, a lot of it was mind over matter for me. Telling myself I felt this way, not that way. Insisting this was better than that. After awhile you start to believe it, then suddenly it's true. You really do want to sit in the sunshine, and you really are happy to be drinking tea on the porch.
Again, it's all easier said than done. I basically reached the end point where it was, what the heck, let's try make it better. If it doesn't work then I will have no regrets jumping off a bridge.
My goal was to make myself mentally stable and confident enough to spend a year backpacking around Japan. (Never did get to go, my dog got sick and all my savings went to trying to save her) but after awhile, everything sorted it's self out.

Send me a pm anytime you want to talk.
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Old 10-21-2012, 11:03 AM
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frostfell frostfell is offline
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Iv been there and Im still there. My last 4 years have been crap after crap after crap. Every time theres two ways something could go, it goes the bad way. Every time. Yeah you can give up. Its an option. But on the flipside, everything goes in cycles. It WILL get better. I dont know when, but if you give up now you wont see that. So the choice is up to you. Think very long and very hard about which way you want to go, and if you are going to bow out of life, make sure its the correct choice and that you are confident in it. Its not something to take lightly
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Old 10-21-2012, 12:00 PM
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I was there five years ago. My best friend moved away and I was left alone here. I didn't want to do anything, I didn't want to deal with people, I didn't do anything. I ended up getting another job because I HAD to work. There was no choice there. I stayed in that funk for two years. I didn't make friends I just worked and went home.

It really can get better but what a lot of people say is to keep telling yourself that. The problem is, is you can't just tell yourself that. You lie to yourself until that's the only thing you believe. You make yourself believe everyday is getting better, you put yourself more out there to do things and experience things with new people. And one day you wake up and realize it really has gotten better.

It's definitely not easy. I still miss my best friend and honestly sometimes I don't even know why I should go on. But if I sit back and think I've done so much for my self in the last couple years that if I just gave up I'd be throwing away all my new friends and my job that I actually kind of like.

I'm not going to say it's going to get better for you because I have no idea your mindset and how much you want to work toward making it better. But I really do hope it gets better for you.
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Old 10-21-2012, 12:56 PM
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Stephy you nailed it. Something has to change. You have far more power to change yourself than anything else. And the magic is, when you change, your situation changes. That black cloud goes away. It really does. Because when you change, you attract different people and different company and different circumstances.

How to change? One minute at a time. Gently, kindly, lovingly.

A book I love that***8217;s really a short, easy read, is ***8220;The Four Agreements***8221; by Miguel Ruiz. It may sound familiar if you have followed Buddhist teachings - and in many ways it is a very watered down Buddhist-type philosophy. But it puts the responsibility on you - and thus the POWER with you.

I wish you the best. We***8217;re all on the same journey, and we***8217;ll all get there. Some us us take more detours than others, and some of those detours are bumpier than others, but there is always someone who has travelled that same path who are happy to lend a hand and guide you. You just have to look up from your own feet sometimes and see that they***8217;re right there guiding you.
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  #10  
Old 10-25-2012, 08:57 AM
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StephyMei1112 StephyMei1112 is offline
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Thanks alot everyone....

Yeah, it's difficult....my mind has been really clouded especially in the past few days. I don't know....I just don't know. It's really tempting to just give up even though I know I shouldn't....

Argh...just being alive to me has become such a painful thing....
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Feudin' and fightin' and a-fussin,'
That's all that's goin' on with us'n!
We are such neighborly people, peaceful and sweet!
All except when we happen to meet.


Stories, Poetry, and Musings
http://inugami1112.wordpress.com/

"And it's all been lost before, so there's nothing to lose..."


"There are those that love dogs insanely and those that don't. But once you like a dog, you're sunk. You're a dog person for life."

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