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  #31  
Old 10-19-2012, 03:27 PM
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Originally Posted by milos_mommy View Post
Don't stay with him because you don't know where else to live or you don't want to leave Fred. Stay with him because you think this is a one time, minor, fixable issue in a relationship with a man who is otherwise a great match for you and enriches your life.
I definitely agree.
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  #32  
Old 10-19-2012, 03:29 PM
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I would not be comfortable with such choices by my S.O. I'd need to leave, I need total trust and devotion to our partnership to feel comfortable and balanced.

I've been in a repeated chances relationship and while I do believe people can and do change I also believe it hurt too much to wait for that change, which ever happened for him, to show.
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  #33  
Old 10-19-2012, 03:33 PM
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Originally Posted by AdrianneIsabel View Post
I would not be comfortable with such choices by my S.O. I'd need to leave, I need total trust and devotion to our partnership to feel comfortable and balanced.

I've been in a repeated chances relationship and while I do believe people can and do change I also believe it hurt too much to wait for that change, which ever happened for him, to show.
Ditto
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  #34  
Old 10-19-2012, 03:38 PM
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Originally Posted by AdrianneIsabel View Post
I would not be comfortable with such choices by my S.O. I'd need to leave, I need total trust and devotion to our partnership to feel comfortable and balanced.

I've been in a repeated chances relationship and while I do believe people can and do change I also believe it hurt too much to wait for that change, which ever happened for him, to show.
This.

If trust is being broken by being told lies, what is there left?
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  #35  
Old 10-19-2012, 03:43 PM
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((((HUGS))))

I wonder what his motivation is to hide it from you? I mean, since you have told him that's it's okay with you if he does it, you just want him to be open about it?

I don't know what I would do... I'd probably drag him to couple's counseling and see what comes out of it. I believe that while earning trust back is one of the hardest things, it can be done. It takes time and a lot of effort, but it can.
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  #36  
Old 10-19-2012, 03:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by milos_mommy View Post
. Stay with him because you think this is a one time, minor, fixable issue in a relationship with a man who is otherwise a great match for you and enriches your life.
See, this is why I'm not packing my bags.
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  #37  
Old 10-19-2012, 04:06 PM
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HUGS HIGS HUGS I would be hard , but i would do my all to try to work it out. Chris and I have a 10 year and a crap load of kids to consider. I think the only thing I would actually leave over would be Violence , anything else we could work through.

I hope you and he can come to somewhere where you are ok with it and life is back to being awesome! HUGS HUGS and have another bottle
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  #38  
Old 10-19-2012, 04:24 PM
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I just want to mention that I think unless this man is willing to go to some serious (and probably on-going) counseling (not just a session or two) and really does have a desire to change, this doesn't sound like the kind of behavior that's just him experimenting or testing boundaries or like a one-time thing.

Cheating is NOT a black and white issue...but in situations where the person is, say, thrown into a situation like a bachelor party, or meeting someone else coincidentally JUST as they've started fighting with their SO, or they've had a dating profile for years that was inactive and someone randomly messages them and they can't resist....those sound like one-time things.

A man going out of his way to create a false profile and taking the time to initiate messages to multiple women and making a pronounced effort to hide all of this does not sound like a one-time thing.
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  #39  
Old 10-19-2012, 04:47 PM
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(((Hugs)))

For me lies are a deal breaker. I want to be able to openly talk about everything. If the relationship is not working for one of us I want to talk about it openly...I do not want one of us to sneak about behind the other one's back.

My first marriage ended with lies, and secret online accounts...an affair and after much counseling and couples therapy.

You need to know what is acceptable for you and what you think the next steps should be in your relationship. If you feel you should stay and can hash it out that is what should be done...decide what you need from him in order to rebuilt trust and respect...it is hard to still respect someone after something like this.
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  #40  
Old 10-19-2012, 05:25 PM
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He's in the spare room, that's all I can say for now.

I don't know what will happen yet. Just want to bury this thread now, think I've got the perspectives I wanted, thanks.
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