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Old 10-17-2012, 11:06 PM
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Default More church help

I just... don't know what to do. I've been pretty lonely since moving here. I have family here and coworkers that I like. I do art classes and also dog training classes (2 of them). But I have a serious lack of friends/people in my stage of life here. I just feel very alone on that front. Really no one to just go hang out with at all.

I've been visiting churches trying to get into a group here that I like. And I found one I really liked the people in. They did lots of hangouts and stuff. Super super nice and welcoming and fun people. But they were all so much younger than me. I'll be honest, I would eventually like a boyfriend. I don't feel like I would have found that there. And then there is also no other singles group to move up into. It's just the one. And I'm not fond of the pastor and his sermon style either.

Been to a few others and felt 'meh'.

Went to one tonight. I got a good reception and friendly email from them. I was really stoked about visiting. I went and it was alright. I definitely fit in better age-wise and the fact that these people weren't still in school. But I just felt...off about it. They were friendly but I kept thinking about how I was welcomed at the other church and felt more comfortable with the people faster. And it seemed like everyone but me was paired up and dating. So I felt like a third wheel there.

Maybe it's too soon to write it off. They're having a Halloween party that I'm going to go to. Maybe just give it a few weeks.

I will say the lesson was perfectly applicable to me. It was about knowing there is a plan for you but also not sitting around and waiting for it to just happen. You have to be proactive as well.

I've been hoping for a blaring sign of 'this is your church!' and still haven't found it.

Or maybe neither is right for me? I just sometimes feel like I just don't quite belong anywhere at all.

Urgh. I was really excited to go check it out and now I'm all upset.
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Old 10-17-2012, 11:20 PM
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I'm sorry... I pretty much feel the same way right now.

I considered finding some kind of church group, however I'm pretty much not religious at all, and just don't feel like I'd fit in. But there's really no where else to find group-like things, in my experience?

I mean, I at least have lots of family around and then my few close friends but I don't really actively do anything. No idea how I'd meet a guy, for example. I keep hoping once I move out on my own I'll start doing more stuff like that.

But I don't know... you don't want to go somewhere that makes you uncomfortable, or awkward in any way because there's no fun in that. But I know it sucks to feel like you have to keep looking again and again. I think giving it more time is good, and checking out the halloween party...

Now if only more guys would get into agility... maybe we could meet my perfect match?!
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Old 10-17-2012, 11:47 PM
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((HUGS)) I know nothing about church.. so I'm of no help. I would give this place a chance, sometimes fitting in takes time.. I'm sure the halloween party will be fun! I mean, it's halloween.. it's dress up and booze lol

Does your area have a meetup? http://www.meetup.com/
You can find groups that meet for all kinds of things!
I went to one about cupcakes the other day and had a really fun time lol a really varied crowd but really awesome!

Maybe try taking classes? Martial arts? Archery? Painting?
I met the guy I'm dating now at my mixed marial arts class.. it's a great way to meet people and adult classes usually have people of all ages! Plus, great work out!
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Old 10-18-2012, 08:01 AM
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I'm sorry you are struggling to find a church where you feel you fit in. I remember just what that's like. we searched for the longest time and every one came up flat. They were nice enough but it just didn't feel like home.

any of your co workers go to a church? Anyone from any of your art classes or dog training group go to a church? if you can find someone that you know that goes to the church it might make it easier for you to feel less like an outsider.
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Old 10-18-2012, 10:58 AM
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Truth is...things change when you're this age.

Suddenly, you don't just "hang out" with people anymore, or at least not a group of people. It's not like you have time to kill in between classes or during breaks, or work a minimum wage job where you can crash with all your coworkers at someone's place and then roll off the couch and head over there. People do things together, but it's not the same. And it kind of sucks. I'm starting to get used to it.

I wouldn't write off a group because they're younger than you...maybe some of them have older siblings or friends they could introduce you to? But I also wouldn't pick a church just because of how likely you think finding a boyfriend there is. Find one where you like the pastor and the community...you don't have to feel super comfortable at a church singles event, but pick one with a decent vibe.

You can also rotate between a few churches, or keep going to one and still look for a new one, or go to events there without going to service.
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Old 10-18-2012, 12:00 PM
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What are your interests? What are the clubs in your area? Have you thought about volunteering somewhere? I'm in a hiking club and volunteer to clean up the trails with others. I volunteer at animal shelters too.
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Old 10-18-2012, 07:52 PM
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I would just keep trying them out and see. Don't worry about finding mr right in the group itself either, but find people that you get along with and have the same values and interests, chances are they know other people their age.

In our church there's not a lot of people our age, a few families of course but most are younger. And of course a big section of older. But the core group is only 30 or so people max.
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Old 10-18-2012, 10:15 PM
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No, I'm not looking for a guy at church- well, that's not the main focus. But I'd like to meet people and get to know people I have things in common with. I am going to go back on Sunday and see. I think I might actually be able to go to both of them. They're not far from each other and one ends a few minutes before the other begins. Is that too weird? Or at least do that for a while until I decide?

Tanya, yes that is it. I just haven't found a church where I feel at home yet. There's just something nagging at me that it's not right. I keep praying on it. I see God putting the messages/lessons in front of me at the right time. But I can't help but feel it's just not a right fit with the church itself.

I actually have a friend that goes to that church but she's in the couples group. So not the same sunday school group.

I'm already really busy all the time. I do art classes 6 hours a weekend, work full time, do rally and agility classes during the week, and lots of other odds and ends. Walk the dogs every day, do a couple park trips or hikes on the weekends. I don't know how many more commitments I can have. The art class is all 50+ year old women and me. I don't know if I should switch that once it's over and try to find something with more young people. The instructor is very good
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Old 10-18-2012, 10:40 PM
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I know just what you mean. It seemed so hopeless when we were searching for the right church. We would go but there was just this nagging feeling that it wasn't quite right. I didn't want to settle especially since this was my first REAL church experience, so i was especially picky. When I happened upon our church it was not even for a church function. A friend was having a moms group playdate there. I don't mean to sound cliche but the moment I walked in it hit me like a slap in the face. THIS WAS IT!!!!

And it has been ever since. We have never felt more at home anywhere. It is certainly not just people out age, it is a very small group and we range in age, diversity, abilities, etc. but it is perfect.

I really pray that God guides you to the right place and gives you the glaring signs that it is right.
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Old 10-19-2012, 07:35 AM
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I don't think it's weird at all to attend both churches for a while until you figure out which one you feel more comfortable with.

It took us a long time to find a church we were content with. No church is perfect (we're all human, sadly!) but some were far better than others. I'm fortunate to live in an area with tons of people, so there were tons of churches of all shapes and sizes to try out, and eventually we found a pretty good one.

I will say that the honeymoon was fleeting though. We thoroughly enjoyed it for a couple years, and now the young married couples bible study we were a part of has become the "young parents bible study" and we've kind of been left behind. It sucks, but I think we're going to have to start church shopping again, because the church we're currently at has made it clear that they are not concerned with unmarrieds or those without children...and selfishly, I need to feel ministered to.
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