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  #41  
Old 10-12-2012, 04:27 PM
Fran27 Fran27 is offline
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If you go through foster care it's free and you even get the tax credit Tanya, you just have to be prepared to have several short or long term placements before it works out... I know i couldn't do it. Although depending on your county it can be easier, some agencies will only place you with kids that are close to TPR etc. I know I looked into that first, but I was told that our county was horrible and was really going for reunification at all costs... we really didn't want to deal with that.

I've had the opposite experience when it comes to transracial adoption, personally. My agency was encouraging everyone to join the AA program, and was cutting fees for adopting AA children (because not many families were open to AA children - got to keep in mind it was in a very white area). But there's a ton of people who are extremely offended because AA children are 'cheaper'. You really can't win.

Yoko I'm not seeing any negative view about adoption in this thread.
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  #42  
Old 10-12-2012, 05:01 PM
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I considered adoption a few years back and it still flits back into my mind here and there. In SC they have this page with professional pictures of the kids available with descriptions of their likes/dislikes, interests, etc. and there were several 10-12yo girls who pulled at my heartstrings (the loved animals, one wanted to be a vet), so i think if we decided to have more than one child (I *do* want to have a biological kid for sure) we'd prob try to adopt a tween or young teen instead of a baby.
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  #43  
Old 10-12-2012, 05:04 PM
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I have always said that if I could never have children, I would adopt from within the US. I know there are SOOO many kids that need adopting from outside the US, but there are very many that need adopting within the US.
I have also said that I would adopt a little mixed baby boy or girl. Don't know why, but just my preference, I reckon.

I have looked into adoption a lot and Fran nailed in right on the head about the process. My mom was adopted when she was 2 months old (give or take a few days) from Columbus, GA, so pretty close to home. Columbus is maybe 2 hours from where I live. My mom has no interest in finding her biological parents, and some kids will be that way but others might want to know who their biological parents are, and that to me would be a huge stepping stone, but really you can't deny them that right, ya know?

Also, adoption is a gift. You are giving a child a new home, new love, new parents, and a whole new outlook on life. I think adoption is a grand thing.
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  #44  
Old 10-12-2012, 05:05 PM
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Not that I know much about it but I'd like to adopt a 10-14 year old. Babies don't do much for me.
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  #45  
Old 10-12-2012, 05:08 PM
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I was looking on the local site the other day and there is an 11 year old girl up for adoption and the FIRST line says "She has always dreamed of going to Disney world" and another line says "She would love a home where she could have a pet, specifically a large dog"

GAH!!!!!

older than I would have typically looked for and we are not in a position to do it now. not until Brians job is for SURE permanent with papers signed and not until we are in a different house but man that really tugged at me
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  #46  
Old 10-12-2012, 05:14 PM
stardogs stardogs is offline
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I have to say the adoption listings for kids really do remind me of Petfinder in some respects - it seems so odd to me to be able to "search" for kids like you can for a pet.
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  #47  
Old 10-12-2012, 05:18 PM
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Originally Posted by stardogs View Post
I have to say the adoption listings for kids really do remind me of Petfinder in some respects - it seems so odd to me to be able to "search" for kids like you can for a pet.
Me too. It actually weirds me out.

Anyways, I considered adoption with Briggs. I was really put off by a lot of people's case studies and how many things adoptive parents dont want to deal with. I was massively offended reading their requirements for my baby. Every file I read in more detail didn't want to children from a family of mental illness, didn't want to deal with any disabilities and only wanted a white baby. That sadly was my only experience and it really soured me off the human race. Obviously not all people are like that and I am so grateful they aren't but holy moley. How can one be so darn picky?

I know it probably made no sense to be so offended as I fit that bit other than my family does have some mental illness. Briggs was the ethnic background everyone wanted, he was healthy and all those other things... but yeah. It made me sad.
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  #48  
Old 10-12-2012, 05:21 PM
Fran27 Fran27 is offline
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Originally Posted by Dakotah View Post
I

Also, adoption is a gift. You are giving a child a new home, new love, new parents, and a whole new outlook on life. I think adoption is a grand thing.
Actually it's that kind of thinking that bothers me... I know it's meant the best way, but I don't want my kids growing up feeling grateful that we adopted them, like they owe us or something, or even worse, that we saved them. I'm the one who is grateful that we adopted them. They were the greatest gift for ME. They could have ended in any family, but we are the lucky ones because we got chosen.

For me, adoption should be selfish. It should be about wanting a child, not wanting to 'save' them.
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  #49  
Old 10-12-2012, 05:43 PM
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Actually it's that kind of thinking that bothers me... I know it's meant the best way, but I don't want my kids growing up feeling grateful that we adopted them, like they owe us or something, or even worse, that we saved them. I'm the one who is grateful that we adopted them. They were the greatest gift for ME. They could have ended in any family, but we are the lucky ones because we got chosen.

For me, adoption should be selfish. It should be about wanting a child, not wanting to 'save' them.
Yeah I think that about all children. The true gift is not me giving them a stable life. All children deserve that. The gift is I get to be their mother. That feeling compares to nothing in this world and I only hope I can do a fine job showing my son how blessed he has made me feel to share my life with him.
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  #50  
Old 10-12-2012, 05:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Fran27 View Post
Actually it's that kind of thinking that bothers me... I know it's meant the best way, but I don't want my kids growing up feeling grateful that we adopted them, like they owe us or something, or even worse, that we saved them. I'm the one who is grateful that we adopted them. They were the greatest gift for ME. They could have ended in any family, but we are the lucky ones because we got chosen.

For me, adoption should be selfish. It should be about wanting a child, not wanting to 'save' them.
well, good. Now I don't feel so crappy about my selfish reasons for wanting to adopt lol. I mean, I think it's important to want to give these kids a good, stable and loving home. I think it's important to want to give ANY child a stable, loving and good home no matter if they are biological or adopted.

but for me, I'd like another child and to give hannah a sibling but I don't nessecarily want to start all over again with an infant. I keep thinking by the time said child is born Hannah will be almost 6 and that's a big age difference. Now I don't think there is anything really wrong with that, my siblings and I are all 8 or so years apart in age and we got along well enough but we aren't close now as adults. Saying it out loud sounds so stupid lol but it is what it is. Then there is the added bonus that I happen to think we are a pretty darn good home

I don't think kids should be tricked into thinking they OWE their parents something (biological or adoption) and I totally believe that I am more blessed to have Hannah than she is to have us... but I am also VERY grateful for my parents. Especially my mom. I don't feel obligated or feel like I OWE her something but I love her so very much that I will do anything for her and I don't think that's a bad thing. I kind of hope that Hannah feels that same love for me when she's grown up and I'm getting old and she doesn't "need" me anymore (although I think we always need our mommies lol.)
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