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  #31  
Old 10-12-2012, 02:52 PM
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I made mention of thinking about adopting a child to my dad and he was like "Why? It's so much work and money and it's a pain in the a$$"
Yeah because biological children aren't work and money and a PITA regardless lol
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  #32  
Old 10-12-2012, 03:06 PM
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A few things I don't agree with...

1) wanting to adopt because 'so many children need a home'. The list of people who want to adopt internationally and nationally is very long. That's why it takes several months or years to have a child... The children you can adopt there don't need a home right now, because there are more families waiting to adopt them than there are children available - unless you are open to special needs. The reason so many kids stay in orphanages is because the system sucks, not from lack of adoptive homes. If you really want to find a child that needs a home, look in the US foster system, but be warned that those kids will often have emotional baggage. Healthy babies and kids will be adopted fast, no matter what country they come from.

2) It's totally possible to lose a baby in domestic adoption, even if the birthmother has signed her termination of parental rights and the revocation is over... You take their word of who the father is. And if they lied, the father can get the baby back (happened to someone on a forum I go to a couple months ago).

3) transracial adoption - most people need to be educated about it. Kids need role models of their race, parents who will know how to deal with racism and prepare their kids for it etc... it's not as easy as saying 'race doesn't matter'.

4) domestic adoption totally sucks and needs to be reformed. If you go that way, don't accept to pay a lot in birthmother expenses. You can lose a LOT of money that way, and unfortunately it's totally legal in most states for them to say they want to place, make you pay for their rent and whatnot, then decide to keep the baby.

5) Tanya, having adopted... I have to say that your dad is spot on LOL. Seriously, it's a huge pain in the ass, they ask you very personal questions, it costs a lot of money, and it's extra stressful. And yes in the end you give a child a good loving home... but let's be honest, in 90% of the cases, the child would have found another good loving home too. There are really a lot of people who want to adopt out there.
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  #33  
Old 10-12-2012, 03:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Fran27 View Post
A few things I don't agree with...

1) wanting to adopt because 'so many children need a home'. The list of people who want to adopt internationally and nationally is very long. That's why it takes several months or years to have a child... The children you can adopt there don't need a home right now, because there are more families waiting to adopt them than there are children available - unless you are open to special needs. The reason so many kids stay in orphanages is because the system sucks, not from lack of adoptive homes. If you really want to find a child that needs a home, look in the US foster system, but be warned that those kids will often have emotional baggage. Healthy babies and kids will be adopted fast, no matter what country they come from.

2) It's totally possible to lose a baby in domestic adoption, even if the birthmother has signed her termination of parental rights and the revocation is over... You take their word of who the father is. And if they lied, the father can get the baby back (happened to someone on a forum I go to a couple months ago).

3) transracial adoption - most people need to be educated about it. Kids need role models of their race, parents who will know how to deal with racism and prepare their kids for it etc... it's not as easy as saying 'race doesn't matter'.

4) domestic adoption totally sucks and needs to be reformed. If you go that way, don't accept to pay a lot in birthmother expenses. You can lose a LOT of money that way, and unfortunately it's totally legal in most states for them to say they want to place, make you pay for their rent and whatnot, then decide to keep the baby.

5) Tanya, having adopted... I have to say that your dad is spot on LOL. Seriously, it's a huge pain in the ass, they ask you very personal questions, it costs a lot of money, and it's extra stressful. And yes in the end you give a child a good loving home... but let's be honest, in 90% of the cases, the child would have found another good loving home too. There are really a lot of people who want to adopt out there.
Good post!
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  #34  
Old 10-12-2012, 03:14 PM
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Of course race matters, and yes, children do need to have role models of their own race and parents who are able to help them through the issues that come from growing up as a minority or in a transracial family.

But it's absolutely ridiculous to say that parents of another race aren't capable of helping a child through those issues. Kids need ROLE MODELS they can relate to, of their own race...that doesn't mean the need parents of the same race. And just because someone can't understand racial issues from the point of view of a minority child does not mean that they can't help the child to find ways to cope with it and support that can understand them.

Healthy parents who give birth to kids with health problems don't understand those issues. Thin parents who have overweight children can't understand those issues. Parents who were academically successful can't understand what a child with a learning disability goes through. Hell, parents who were raised by their biological parents can't understand what their adopted children go through. But that certainly doesn't mean they can't raise their children just as well as anyone else, despite their differences.

Plus all of the studies that show children in stable, long term, transracial homes are more successful, happier and healthier than children in foster homes or orphanages or unstable homes with parents of the same race.
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  #35  
Old 10-12-2012, 03:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Fran27 View Post
A few things I don't agree with...

1) wanting to adopt because 'so many children need a home'. The list of people who want to adopt internationally and nationally is very long. That's why it takes several months or years to have a child... The children you can adopt there don't need a home right now, because there are more families waiting to adopt them than there are children available - unless you are open to special needs.
Or older children. If you want a healthy infant, I completely agree with you--there is no shortage of prospective homes. If you are open to a child with special needs, or a child over 5, the wait time is usually only the amount of time it takes to process your paper work--around 6 months to a year, depending on the country.
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  #36  
Old 10-12-2012, 03:17 PM
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I don't think she was suggesting that they shouldn't have those kids or adopt different raced kids... But simply saying they should be educated about it.
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  #37  
Old 10-12-2012, 03:25 PM
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Originally Posted by milos_mommy View Post
Of course race matters, and yes, children do need to have role models of their own race and parents who are able to help them through the issues that come from growing up as a minority or in a transracial family.

But it's absolutely ridiculous to say that parents of another race aren't capable of helping a child through those issues. Kids need ROLE MODELS they can relate to, of their own race...that doesn't mean the need parents of the same race. And just because someone can't understand racial issues from the point of view of a minority child does not mean that they can't help the child to find ways to cope with it and support that can understand them.

Healthy parents who give birth to kids with health problems don't understand those issues. Thin parents who have overweight children can't understand those issues. Parents who were academically successful can't understand what a child with a learning disability goes through. Hell, parents who were raised by their biological parents can't understand what their adopted children go through. But that certainly doesn't mean they can't raise their children just as well as anyone else, despite their differences.

Plus all of the studies that show children in stable, long term, transracial homes are more successful, happier and healthier than children in foster homes or orphanages or unstable homes with parents of the same race.


Grandpa was full blooded Blackfoot and grandma was Irish. My dad's adopted parents were Swedish immigrants.

They also adopted a group of Puerto Rican siblings at the same time, and one of their adopted children was part African American (unheard of in those days). ALL of those kids were far far better off with their adoptive family than they were being shunted around in the system. It was even more awesome that they were able to stay together instead of getting parceled out to various families.
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  #38  
Old 10-12-2012, 03:25 PM
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I don't think she was suggesting that they shouldn't have those kids or adopt different raced kids... But simply saying they should be educated about it.
Oh of course...I'm not suggesting adopting a child of another race is at all the same of adopting a child of the same race, or that it should be handled in the same way, but the point of my first post was that one reason people seek to adopt from overseas is that here in America, most of the babies and young children available for adoption are minority races, and most parents with the resources to adopt are white. Many adoption agencies, regardless of legality, will try to keep people from adopting outside their race, no matter how educated they are about it, even if that means bumping the kids from foster to foster or them growing up in an orphanage.
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  #39  
Old 10-12-2012, 03:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Fran27 View Post
5) Tanya, having adopted... I have to say that your dad is spot on LOL. Seriously, it's a huge pain in the ass, they ask you very personal questions, it costs a lot of money, and it's extra stressful. And yes in the end you give a child a good loving home... but let's be honest, in 90% of the cases, the child would have found another good loving home too. There are really a lot of people who want to adopt out there.
I realize it's a huge pain in the arse. I'm no stranger to huge pain in the arse, costs a lot of money and time and gets very personal. I dealt with immigration for 5 years and a sack of crap lawyer who was taking our money and not doing anything lol. but in the end I have my green card and I'd do it again for the end result if nessecary lol.

What bothers me is his attitude that why would I want to bother with a kid that isn't mine anyway.

I get that it's a sucky process that costs a lot (although in PA they waive a lot of fees for older children depending on age... I definitely don't want an infant) and my reasons for considering this aren't just "they need a good home". I have some selfish personal reasons for it too lol
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  #40  
Old 10-12-2012, 04:10 PM
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Still on cell so can't add much but wow there is a ton of negative viewpoints here. You know this attitude is part of the problem.
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