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  #111  
Old 10-04-2012, 12:19 PM
StillandSilent StillandSilent is online now
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Birth control isn't always easy to get. I don't want children. I know I don't want children. I'm a borderline phobic of children, and actually break out in hives from having to spend time with them. I am not at an age where they will consider tying my tubes, and will not be for many years. Furthermore, I am one of those broke people who shouldn't be having kids.

I went on the pill, and made my friend with benefits use a condom every single time. I still got pregnant. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. Clearly, those methods weren't working.

Without insurence, though, I can't afford the exam or to have an IUD implanted, or one of the arm implants or shots. So I"m stuck going the next decade without sex which I do not want to do, or risking another unwanted pregnancy.

But I see something bigger here, at least in the US. Women have fought very, very hard to get reproductive rights, and this is part of it. Women have fought for hte right to not have someone else tell them that they must carry a baby to term and have it. Well, the flip side of that is no one can tell another woman that she can not have a child, whether it is a wise choice to do so or not.

The solution? Don't know. More readily available birth control, including surgical sterilization for those who want it? That would help, but is is enough?
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  #112  
Old 10-04-2012, 12:19 PM
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Originally Posted by ACooper View Post

IMO, the actaul GIFT is not the real issue..........the issue is if your money is THAT tight, should you add another mouth to feed?

Understand that everything I've posted pertains to a PLANNED CHILD......not an oops in anyway. Life happens and it can come at you fast sometimes.
Exactly how I feel.
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  #113  
Old 10-04-2012, 12:28 PM
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[QUOTE=StillandSilent;2078391]Birth control isn't always easy to get. I don't want children. I know I don't want children. I'm a borderline phobic of children, and actually break out in hives from having to spend time with them. I am not at an age where they will consider tying my tubes, and will not be for many years. Furthermore, I am one of those broke people who shouldn't be having kids.

I went on the pill, and made my friend with benefits use a condom every single time. I still got pregnant. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. Clearly, those methods weren't working.

Without insurence, though, I can't afford the exam or to have an IUD implanted, or one of the arm implants or shots. So I"m stuck going the next decade without sex which I do not want to do, or risking another unwanted pregnancy. end qoute ]


I knew I would be raising my children alone by the time I was half way through my pg and I was 24 at the time. I asked them to tie my tubes when my son was born. I signed the paperwork and INSISTED on it. This was at the poor people hospital too where you would think they would want you to stop having babies. So they didn't do it. Said they "forgot" and said the only way I could have it done was to wait 8 weeks and come back. It was so hard with a newborn at home to go back in, i cried all the way there and all the way back, but went through with it all the same. I was an oops baby tho my parents used condoms. My son was never suppose to happen, I was told I would never be able to have another baby. Most of the babies I know out there are oops babies. It happens to the best of us. Hyia was certainly an oops too. I bet 2 thirds of the population is and probably more than not are on welfare were not planned. I am making Hyia's present. IT is the only one she will get from me. I am making the grans, it is the only ones they will get from me, and coming up with the supplies which are not much, but some, was not easy. All anyone wants to know is you care. Make them something, it will mean a thousand times more than anything you could buy. That is what we do here. I am sick to death of commercialism. We do not frown on thrift store gifts either, especially some of the unique funky, wonderful things if you hunt hard enough that can be found.
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  #114  
Old 10-04-2012, 01:11 PM
-bogart- -bogart- is offline
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i am sick to death of the attitudes of Poor = Bad people who lay around making bad choices living off other people money.

according to this site , a family of 4 with one provider has to make 12.01 and hour to make federal poverty levels.
http://www.familiesusa.org/resources...uidelines.html

BUT federal minimum wage is 7.25 hr
http://www.dol.gov/dol/topic/wages/minimumwage.htm

so just being a working stiff KEEPS you below poverty level .

NOT everyone is good for college , ow yeah what is the stats on unemployed college grads?
I dont even know where i am going with this , it just burns me up how people scream about how the poor do this and the poor do that , but almost half of the country IS POOR with NO WAY OUT!!

Viscious cycles abound and until the ECONOMY changes and people ideas of what is valuable in life change this merry go round will continue.

I used to be on medicaid and food stamps , and i had an 2 children on the system . Yes they where oops , with caleb i was an irresponsible 19 yr old who should have known better . i screwed up and got pregnant. i went to the counseling sessions to have an abortion. i was an hour from it happening , but i could not get the 200 bucks to pay for it. so i had him and grew the **** up and became a mom.

that is the issue i think access to birth control and jobs. changing people views will take time , after all it has been what 2 generations that got us into this entiltment thinking.
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  #115  
Old 10-04-2012, 01:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by -bogart- View Post
i am sick to death of the attitudes of Poor = Bad people who lay around making bad choices living off other people money.

according to this site , a family of 4 with one provider has to make 12.01 and hour to make federal poverty levels.
http://www.familiesusa.org/resources...uidelines.html

BUT federal minimum wage is 7.25 hr
http://www.dol.gov/dol/topic/wages/minimumwage.htm

so just being a working stiff KEEPS you below poverty level .

NOT everyone is good for college , ow yeah what is the stats on unemployed college grads?
I dont even know where i am going with this , it just burns me up how people scream about how the poor do this and the poor do that , but almost half of the country IS POOR with NO WAY OUT!!

Viscious cycles abound and until the ECONOMY changes and people ideas of what is valuable in life change this merry go round will continue.

I used to be on medicaid and food stamps , and i had an 2 children on the system . Yes they where oops , with caleb i was an irresponsible 19 yr old who should have known better . i screwed up and got pregnant. i went to the counseling sessions to have an abortion. i was an hour from it happening , but i could not get the 200 bucks to pay for it. so i had him and grew the **** up and became a mom.

that is the issue i think access to birth control and jobs. changing people views will take time , after all it has been what 2 generations that got us into this entiltment thinking.
I agree- not everyone is cut out for college. College isn't the only option, though. There are a ton of non-college options out there. You can get a hands on job in construction, you can be an electrition, you can be a plumber, you can work in H-VAC... there's the post office, UPS, Fedex (<--- all of these make a good bit of money!)... you can also work up in retail. Publix only hires managers from within, and it's NORMAL to not have a college degree. The store managers make close to $150k a year, and if you're good they move you up really quickly. When I worked there, our store manager at one point was in her late 20s with no college degree- she started as a bagger in high school and just worked her way up.

My ex's dad is a postal worker... he was a college dropout, and worked for the post office for 30+ years. Him and his wife (also a postal worker) own a house on a lake and live very comfortably. Neither one of them are college educated.

It's not "go to college" or "stay making $7 an hour". It's not that black and white.

And just to be clear, the rest (or even what I wrote above!) isn't targeted to you. It's just something that presents itself way too often- the whole college or nothing argument.

If I were making $7 or even $12 an hour, I wouldn't have kids. If you do have a family of 4 and are making only $12 an hour, add a second job. Have your spouse get a job. Work hard and get yourself into a better situation.

I'm still amazed at hearing about all of these birth control failures... fool me once, shame on you- fool me twice, shame on me. If I had one failure, I'd be prepared to not have another next time.

If you can't afford the kids you have, then maybe you should abstain from sex? Like sparks said, sex isn't the only activity you can do with your spouse.

If you're digging a hole and can't get out of it... then stop digging. Take every precaution you can to not accidentally get pregnant. I just can't fathom wanting or feeling content to add another child to a home where you were already struggling with money.

ETA: I don't care if you're poor and you can make things work... but not being able to spend $10 on a gift should be (imo) a wakeup call to not add another child into the situation. It's not that kids need gifts (although I couldn't look into my child's eyes and tell them they're not getting a gift because I can't afford it YET we're having another baby)- it's that $10 isn't much of anything and even putting $1 a week away into a jar will get you $10 in 2 1/2 months.
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Last edited by ~Jessie~; 10-04-2012 at 01:44 PM.
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  #116  
Old 10-04-2012, 01:31 PM
Fran27 Fran27 is offline
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Why do you think I don't work? I wouldn't get paid enough to put my kids in daycare.

I'm 100% for helping people who work their ass off but have issues providing for their families. But I don't understand how people can be irresponsible enough to keep having kids they can't afford. That's not the same thing at all, sorry. There's a difference between people who TRY to make things better, and people who make choices that make their life even more difficult (like having sex without birth control).
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  #117  
Old 10-04-2012, 01:37 PM
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Let me say I'm annoyed at myself because I can't walk off and quit shaking this around like Orson with a new stuffy.......I really am sorry! LOL And I also want to say I am NOT intentionally picking at anyone, because I quote your post just means either I've heard that before and would like to address it......or it made me remember something else i wanted to say! LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by sassafras View Post
I think people who have never been dirt poor would be amazed how little essentials CAN cost......
And how do you know who has or has not experienced dirt poorness? (is poorness a word? LOL) How do you know who did or did not grow up that way, never having much of anything because your parents weren't responsible with birth control or money.

People who HAVE climbed out of a hole, know it's dammed hard, but KNOW it can be done are WAY less tolerant of those who choose to stay in the hole and whine about it........trust me

Quote:
Originally Posted by -bogart- View Post
and i had an 2 children on the system . Yes they where oops , with caleb i was an irresponsible 19 yr old who should have known better . i screwed up and got pregnant. i went to the counseling sessions to have an abortion. i was an hour from it happening , but i could not get the 200 bucks to pay for it. so i had him and grew the **** up and became a mom. .....
Bogie, I got pregnant at 20. It darn sure wasn't intentional......but I got TWO jobs instead of going on 'the system' We barely scraped by for a few years, it sucked, but you know what? It was a daily reminder not to do that again, LOL (and I didn't until I was married 10 YEARS later I had my youngest son 'cause Kevin wanted one together) Don't get me wrong, I love my son and I'm glad he's here......but I'm not going to use age or circumstances as an excuse. I was able bodied and took personal responsibility.

As stated above, people who've crawled out of the hole you're in have less tolerance for those who choose to stay in....
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  #118  
Old 10-04-2012, 01:52 PM
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Also, I think there's a big difference between being broke and poor.

You can be rich and broke. You can be poor and budget correctly.
This blog post explains it pretty well:

Quote:
I want to lay out a quick definition so as to show the difference between being broke and being poor. Poor is a state of being brought on by circumstantial problems. Poor is a lack of income and resources to provide for the basic needs of life. That being said, poor does not mean stupid. My mother-in-law was poor for a little while. A single mother of three children with a mortgage and a part-time job. And though she was poor, she was an amazing budgeter and was able to provide for the needs of her family through wise financial choices.

Now broke, on the other hand, happens when well-meaning people make bad choices with their money. Broke is brought on by the lack of planning in one’s financial life. I like to call it “Financial User Error”. There are many people with the means and resources to build a solid financial foundation and grow wealth, but who seem to always be running out of cash. These people live paycheck to paycheck and wonder how they can ever get ahead. If you fall into this category, I’m glad you’re here!
http://www.iheartbudgets.net/2012/05/broke-vs-poor/
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  #119  
Old 10-04-2012, 01:55 PM
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That's a good point Jessie, I like how they explained it well

We have friends who's monthly/yearly income is TWICE what ours is, they only had 3 kids instead of our 5, yet they haven't/didn't save one dime for their kids college, always getting hounded by bill collectors, always late (due to lack of funds) on the bills they DO pay! It's incredible to me how much waste there is at their house!

They eat out constantly, are always enjoying nights out (with/without the kids...just depends) spend WAY too much on clothes and gifts, the kids all have fancy cell phones/plans........Just ugh.

They are broke, not poor.
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  #120  
Old 10-04-2012, 01:59 PM
-bogart- -bogart- is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ACooper View Post
Let me say I'm annoyed at myself because I can't walk off and quit shaking this around like Orson with a new stuffy.......I really am sorry! LOL And I also want to say I am NOT intentionally picking at anyone, because I quote your post just means either I've heard that before and would like to address it......or it made me remember something else i wanted to say! LOL



And how do you know who has or has not experienced dirt poorness? (is poorness a word? LOL) How do you know who did or did not grow up that way, never having much of anything because your parents weren't responsible with birth control or money.

People who HAVE climbed out of a hole, know it's dammed hard, but KNOW it can be done are WAY less tolerant of those who choose to stay in the hole and whine about it........trust me



Bogie, I got pregnant at 20. It darn sure wasn't intentional......but I got TWO jobs instead of going on 'the system' We barely scraped by for a few years, it sucked, but you know what? It was a daily reminder not to do that again, LOL (and I didn't until I was married 10 YEARS later I had my youngest son 'cause Kevin wanted one together) Don't get me wrong, I love my son and I'm glad he's here......but I'm not going to use age or circumstances as an excuse. I was able bodied and took personal responsibility.

As stated above, people who've crawled out of the hole you're in have less tolerance for those who choose to stay in....

i need to clarify ,i was a high school kid no work or anything when i got prego. i ran away and stayed with my sister , got on medicaid to see a doctor , took until i was 7 months prego for that to go thru , when it went thru i moved into a friends house and became there full time nanny for room and board.
i was not on anything but medicaid and wic for him. no money , no food stamps nothing.
i was not in a relationship when i had him and stayed single for 1 year then had a horrendous girlfriend for 2 years. then i met chris and within 6 months was prego again. totally screwed up that time also , was doing the other things and he ....anyway i got prego. had JD and got a real job and he has a job and we are together. we had boys and chris wanted a girl so bad, that 4 years later i have insurance and we planned on it. had monkey wrench on two girls but hey we make it work. my insurance and cash feeds them and takes them to the doctor.




EXCEPT for Caleb , he is still on medicaid thru his Social Security Disability , if not I could NEVER be able to afford his medicine. The medicine costs would be 600 a month and i can not afford that . what am i going to do , let him die?
adopt out the other kids because a mosquito bite him and gave him west nile encephlities and caused his seizure thresh hold to drop causing him to have seizure?

most probably would say not to have had the girls then because Caleb is on SSID , i say F.U. my life and i live it. the kids are happy and healthy , our bills are paid and we will on the poverty line.


/rant and rereading this in not directed to you dober , i just felt the need to clarify , i have never recieved cash assistance and recommend going to see what the actual guidlines are in your state .

edit , i am not saying there are not lifers , justy t hey are not as rampant as everyone thinks. just more visiable.
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