Broke people making more kids...

[sassafras]

AND ANOTHER THING (not sure why this topic has me so ragey today)... just because someone can't afford birthday presents THIS year, it doesn't mean they never have or never will be able to afford them. Maybe saving money for the pregnancy/new baby has something to do with it THIS YEAR?

But no, let's not assume the person is being responsible and putting their money into a fund for the new baby, let's assume the worst automatically because poor people suck. -_-

[AdrianneIsabel]

I have no idea what happened here but I saw the topic and thought, " yup, that'll go well." lol

I suppose I should read this thread... It's a complicated issue.

[Romy]

Originally Posted by nancy2394

there are so many variables that can come into play in these kinds of situations. I try not to judge anyone because I have not walked in their shoes. They may have fallen on hard times.

However, it's the people that brag about getting more food stamps and assistance if they pop out more kids. The ones that have expensive manicures and hair styles... the ones that have the most current smart phones and smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day. And they have the nerve to complain they can't afford formula for a baby that was conceived 9 months prior. I can't tell you how many times I see a woman come in and have her 5th or maybe 6th child and turns out she doesn't have custody of any of her other children.... but she continues to keep getting pregnant. Things like that frustrate me. I never think badly about people having multiple kids when they are able to provide the basic necessities for them While cable, fancy clothes, birthday presents, etc... are all nice things to have, they are not a necessity to be considered good parents. I think the relationship parents have with their children and the care they provide for them are what really matters.

I really wish some of these young girls in this area could understand that.

That, to me, sounds like a major parenting issue and NOT an income issue. If they have that other stuff then the money is obviously there. They're just a crap parent with the wrong priorities.

[Fran27]

Originally Posted by sassafras

AND ANOTHER THING (not sure why this topic has me so ragey today)... just because someone can't afford birthday presents THIS year, it doesn't mean they never have or never will be able to afford them. Maybe saving money for the pregnancy/new baby has something to do with it THIS YEAR?

But no, let's not assume the person is being responsible and putting their money into a fund for the new baby, let's assume the worst automatically because poor people suck. -_-

Then maybe they should save up another year. If they can't afford $10-20 out of their saving plan for the new baby, they are not saving enough.

My point again is that if you can't afford a $10 present, you have no business getting another child. I'm not even going to get into how much mine have cost me in medical expenses alone (and we didn't pay a cent for their birth and the 3 weeks they spent at the hospital). Let's just say it's way, way more than $20.

Oh and I can't imagine telling my kids 'sorry kids, we can't afford your birthday presents because we have to put all the money in the new baby that me and daddy wanted'. Ugh. If it was an accident, fine... but a lot of 'accidents' are just a case of 'we had sex without protection and OMG now we're pregnant'.

[sassafras]

A lot of the time, I think people just aren't thinking or are being irresponsible. I know I'm being out of proportion defensive about this topic, but I just don't like the knee-jerk assumptions, they make me prickly.

ETA: I think I stated this confusingly. I meant to acknowledge that a lot of the time I DO think people aren't thinking or are being irresponsible. But I just don't like the assumption that any given person is.

[Red.Apricot]

Originally Posted by sassafras

Yea I've heard of a lot of women who got that exact attitude. Heck, when my husband had a vasectomy in his 30s we had to jump through all sorts of hoops first, including a little counseling session and each of us writing a separate, handwritten statement saying that we understood what the procedure was for and that it was permanent. WELL NO EFFING SH*T.

That is so upsetting to hear; my boyfriend (not husband, even) is 23, and this summer he just said, "I want a vasectomy," they said, "Okay, go to the info/counseling session, then schedule it," and he did. Easy peasy, $15 copay.

[smkie]

Originally Posted by sassafras

I think people who have never been dirt poor would be amazed how little essentials CAN cost. I've gone through periods where my food budget was $15 a MONTH and eaten fine or spent next to nothing on clothes or entertainment in a year's period without feeling deprived.

It's just a peeve of mine that I'm probably defensive about because I've been there, and being poor isn't a dirty sin. I grew up comfortably middle class and being poor as an adult was an eye opener for me - I don't think most people have any idea how extravagant their lifestyles really are, even if it doesn't feel that way when you're living it.

And this whole argument presumes no birth control failure, etc.

Yes, a lot of people have kids who shouldn't have them... rich people AND poor people. Being poor and not being able to afford extras does not necessarily mean someone doesn't deserve kids. And unless you know the details of someone's finances, insurance, etc (which you probably don't) or you know their kids aren't being cared for, then why do you care?

[Izzy's Valkyrie]

Ok I stopped reading on page 5 just to post this thought real quick before I keep going:

There is a 100% effective birth control method: DON'T HAVE SEX. If you have experienced failed birth control more than once and had children from it, try not having sex until you figure out what went wrong. Sure, people who are married and love eachother should be able to have sex and whatnot but realistically, if you're risking bringing another unplanned child into the household every time you have sex, shouldn't you be reconsidering your options?

I say this for people who have had more than one child that way because one time is easily a fluke but two times means your body has no intention of cooperating with your preventative methods so you need new ones. Honestly, Chaz is the reason I am super paranoid about having sex with my husband right now. I DON'T WANT KIDS! I want them in 3 years, not right now and I'll be damned if I'll be a statistic of failed birth control methods. So, we're having patience and when we can't help ourselves, we do double up but I'm terrified every time if my period is a day later than normal. We're not just base animals, we do have control over our urges and we can therefore prevent unplanned and (initially) unwanted children by just keeping it in our pants.

[sillysally]

Honestly, if the kids in question are one or two years old will they really know the difference? Maybe grandparents or other family members are giving gifts.

Also, nobody here knows if the family DID have an emergency fund for unexpected expenses and just did want to tap it for birthday gifts. There is just a whole lot of assuming about someone's financial arrangements going on here.

[ACooper]

Originally Posted by sillysally

Honestly, if the kids in question are one or two years old will they really know the difference?

Probably not. And odds are grandma, grandpa, auntie, uncle, blah blah blah will get them a gift so it's not like Christmas morning and nothing under the tree type thing, LOL

IMO, the actaul GIFT is not the real issue..........the issue is if your money is THAT tight, should you add another mouth to feed?

Understand that everything I've posted pertains to a PLANNED CHILD......not an oops in anyway. Life happens and it can come at you fast sometimes.

EDIT: OOPS! Quoted you while you must have been adding/fixing stuff! LOL