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Old 09-15-2012, 11:29 PM
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meepitsmeagan meepitsmeagan is offline
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Default Second guessing rescue. Vent.

I feel like a horrible person. I'm having a really hard time enjoying Ryder. He's just, stupid. He's incredibly intelligent, but he's stupid. He's opening up a lot now, and I realize that we have only had him for a short time, but he is just not living up to my expectations at all.

He's had no socialization, so we are having to work on that, with both humans and other dogs, in addition to all of the normal basic obedience I put on a dog. He has a ridiculous prey drive (which I know is a big part of the herding breed, but he doesn't know how to manage his), and I cannot do any sort of training outside. I really wanted to train purely clicker with him, that hasn't gone well. He peed in a store today. Ugh. Never in my life did I think I would have to go get an employee to clean up dog pee.

I'm just irritated with myself that I let myself get talked into rescue. I wanted an ACD pup. I was on a waiting list. They have a litter about to go on the ground. I'm so freaking picky about how my dogs are raised and how they act. And I got so impatient that I just jumped on this rescue not thinking I would get accepted and now I'm kicking myself. This dog is ridiculously sweet and good tempered, and he's come a long way in the time we have had him. He IS trainable and I think he will turn out to be a great dog. I'm just, ugh. I'm honestly nervous to press "Submit New Thread" because this makes me sound awful. And it's really long. All my posts are long. I wish I didn't always have so much to say.

Please don't flame me. It won't help anything. I'm already beating myself up.
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Old 09-15-2012, 11:32 PM
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Step back, breathe, and read this.
http://rollinwithrubi.blogspot.com/2...beginning.html
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Old 09-15-2012, 11:55 PM
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I had similar feelings when I first got Duke. He wasn't a rescue, just a rehome. So I know his past, his last family was very nice. Just a little dog stupid.

I always enjoyed him at the daycare and loved labs as a breed. I wasn't in the ideal position to get a dog, but I couldn't turn away the opportunity. After all, a dog I knew since a puppy, one of my favourites, was being offered to me. The first day at my house he peed all over the floor, twice. At 7 months old. I was a bit shocked, but shrugged it off. (he didn't do it again) The first couple of weeks were a little chaotic. He counter surfed, wouldn;t focus on me, pulled like a horse, and his first trip to the dog park was hellish. He ran away, jumped OFF of people, got over stimulated and redirected onto me (nipping) and I left early because I was so annoyed. I wondered if I did the right thing. After all, I really wanted a purebred puppy from an awesome breeder so that I could mold a little young puppy into a perfect sports-type dog. I mean I expected puppy antics but he wasn't responding as quickly to training as I wanted. He wasn't similar enough to McGruff. He was lazy. A little stupid. But then he started to change. My mindset started to change. I spent so much time building up this fantasy dog temperament that I spent too much time on his negative attributes than his positive ones. Which he has a lot of. Our bond got better, and his training started to stick. Besides his separation anxiety (which has gotten better), he's pretty much my ideal these days. He's become such a polite, well mannered dog (most of the time) and I couldn't be happier with him. I'm really looking forward to getting him into some classes (rally-o or agility) this winter because I'm sure he'll do fantastic. I've really tapped into his drive and motivation over the past year.

Anyways, I can totally relate. But it will get better.
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Old 09-16-2012, 12:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SpringerLover View Post
Thank you for this. Unfortunately, this isn't my first thread on how I'm flustered with Ryder. Because of our living situation, I wasn't able to do the two week shutdown type of situation with him. However, we will be uprooting once again back to MI in 14 days, and when we get there, we will have the right situation to do it with him. And I'm going to. This month has really showed me how important it is to do.
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Old 09-16-2012, 08:23 AM
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I'm not quite sure how to respond, because of course nobody else is living your life or dealing with it. Heaven knows I've had moments of frustration with Gusto where I think I made the stupidest decision ever, and if this was one of those moments and you needed to vent - go for it.

If this is genuinely how you feel most of the time - what options do you have for re-homing him? Will the rescue take him back? Are you allowed to place him?

I say this because I think that is a more fair option for Ryder than spending the rest of his life being compared to the mythical "dog I meant to get". Of course, your ACD puppy could have had all these issues and more besides, but if you are someone who likes to get a puppy from a breeder - do that. There's nothing wrong with that - what is wrong is spending your dog's life being disappointed in him. That sucks for both of you.

What's right for some people isn't right for everyone. Maybe this isn't the dog for you. Maybe rescue isn't for you. Someone else will think he's the best thing since sliced bread.

If it is just venting - like I said, go for it. We all need to do it sometimes. And I can assure you that, for me, it always winds up being worth it. I've had moments where I've looked at my rescue dogs and thought "Why couldn't I have gotten the perfect dog like other people?" Spending months and months getting Meg over her fears and severe shut downs. Watching Gusto struggle with any sense of self control. But nothing makes my heart feel more full than thinking of Meg stuffed in a crate with another dog - and then looking at her curled up on a feather pillow on my bed. Or thinking of Gusto being lifted out of the mattress he'd dug his way into, in the trailer where he'd been left to die - and comparing it to him walking to the agility start line, all sleek and shiny and wearing his nice agility lead with his name embroidered on it.

It's really okay to say rescue isn't for you; but admit it and deal with it, rather than spending the next 15 years wishing your dog was something else.
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Old 09-16-2012, 08:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BostonBanker View Post

It's really okay to say rescue isn't for you; but admit it and deal with it, rather than spending the next 15 years wishing your dog was something else.
this.

Sorry you're going through this.
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Old 09-16-2012, 10:27 AM
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Laurelin Laurelin is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BostonBanker View Post
I say this because I think that is a more fair option for Ryder than spending the rest of his life being compared to the mythical "dog I meant to get". Of course, your ACD puppy could have had all these issues and more besides, but if you are someone who likes to get a puppy from a breeder - do that.

I've had moments where I've looked at my rescue dogs and thought "Why couldn't I have gotten the perfect dog like other people?"
The only problem is those 'perfect dogs' probably aren't so perfect and they probably didn't start out that way. You could not look at my two out and about and know that Summer had such bad SA or that Mia was reactive and is so wild. I think there will nearly always be ways you could wish your dog was more X or more Y.

I have had one dog that was very unsuited to me and my family. I would never want another like him again but on the other hand I learned so much from him and gained so much from him. But that was only after I stopped comparing him to my other shelties. He was never going to be them and me trying to make him them wasn't going to help. Once I threw that idea out, we had a lot of fun.

I'm not meaning to flame, just give some advice. I don't think it's wrong to rehome a dog if they truly don't fit but I also think it's very easy to romanticize that 'next dog' to an unrealistic extent. It's also very easy to be overwhelmed at first regardless of where you got the dog. Just sit back and breathe and work on some relationship building imo. Go slow and breathe.

And just for the record, Summer peed all over Petsmart the other day. It happens. I wouldn't worry about that at all.
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Old 09-16-2012, 10:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Laurelin View Post
I also think it's very easy to romanticize that 'next dog' to an unrealistic extent.
I think that's important to remember.

I'm 100% a rescue pusher but that's just me. Sometimes though rescue just isn't right for people. Is the rescue able to take him back? If you really don't see yourself connecting and enjoying him it might be better for both of you to return him. But at the same time that quote above is true also. If you really don't think he will work out return him but don't think that the next dog will be perfect and problem free.

When I got Yoshi I was overwhelmed and really wondered why I got her. She wasn't house trained, she hadn't been around people so everyone was a new best friend with no boundaries, she wasn't trained at all. Of course now she is my heart dog and I can't even imagine what my life would be like if it I didn't get her. But we clicked. I felt all that stuff you feel but we clicked.

If you guys haven't maybe evaluation the situation *when you aren't upset* would be the best thing to do.
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Old 09-16-2012, 10:46 AM
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When I first got my Doberman, Lyric, there were times I wanted to send him packing. He was a monster puppy, a puppy from Hell. LOL. I kid you not...he was a handful. A very busy puppy is a gross understatement. He was cute but he was a train barreling down the tracks. I didn't bond with him as early as I did with any other dog I've had. But then...several months down the road, something seemed to change. What was, evolved into the strongest bond I've ever had with a dog. We somehow got on the same page and understood each other...meshed like nothing before. I really think this will happen if you give it time. The lack of socialization during your dogs early puppy hood could make things difficult though. And if you don't think you can work through it or work around it, you might consider seeing if the rescue would take him back or if you can rehome him. No one can predict if things will get better for sure and the decision has to be yours. I am just saying that your feelings are not uncommon. Your dog is in a new environment, he's been taken away from what was his stability. He's with unfamiliar people and routines. When things level out and he blends more into your day to day life, learns to look to you for his security, isn't scattered like he might be right now, I suspect things will get better and you'll click more. I'm sorry you're feeling like this. It's certainly nothing to beat yourself up about. It's not atypical to feel like that.
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Old 09-16-2012, 10:58 AM
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Quote:
The only problem is those 'perfect dogs' probably aren't so perfect and they probably didn't start out that way.
Oh, trust me I know that! Heck, I get "she's always so perfect" comments about Meg all the time, and those of us who have known her for a long time just glance at each other and smirk. But there are still moments where I think "if I'd just gotten the purebred puppy from the good breeder I would have done it all right and never have issues and...". Rational thought sometimes goes out the window when you are upset. Like I said, the purebred ACD from a good breeder could have all the same problems and more - or a whole slew of different ones.

Like I said, I just feel that it is unfair for both the dog and the owner for him to have to spend his life being compared to this non-existent puppy. I'm not generally a fan of rehoming dogs, but there are times when it is the best answer for all involved. If you are going to be looking at pictures of those ACD puppies you could have had, and then turning to Ryder and saying "Why did I get you instead?"...don't. Let him find someone who is going to look at him and say "I'm so glad I made this choice".

And as I said, if this is just the frustrated venting, let it out, and then move on to helping Ryder be the dog he's capable of being.
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