Dating someone with kids...

[JessLough]

Originally Posted by yoko

This is all I really need to know:



After having a ton of friends in elementary/middleschool/high school with divorced parents and them having to go through only seeing one parent a couple times a year and being constantly hurt that the parent decided to do things that didn't involve them and was fun for the parent instead of being good for the kids I have NO tolerance for anyone not putting their kids first.

No reason for them to not have the kids first and no reason for them to even vocalize that they won't be putting their kids first.

But you don't have the whole conversation. You don't have a transcript of the situation. It seems to me like it was a tl;dr version of the conversation. You just don't know.

Unless people have REALLY weird conversations

[yoko]

Originally Posted by Shai

She doesn't have to worry about that. She's already made up her mind.

Pretty much just like you guys have decided it's ok for this guy, because he definitely doesn't sound like a 'dad', to say to someone he would put them before their kids.

If you aren't responsible enough to put your kids before fun making more kids time. You aren't responsible enough for me to think you are worth anyone who wants a serious relationships time.

ETA: If you ARE just wanting sexy fun time go for it just be safe. He already has two kids he hides.

[JessLough]

Originally Posted by sparks19

Forget HIS plans for the future. What sticks out to me is that you say if he had said this from the start you would be out of there but since he almost never sees them it seems ok. I would end it right there. He has children... You woild have ended it if you knew before bit since they aren't around it is OK but that could change in an instant.

If you don't want to be a step mom
And deal with his kids full time then end it. You are doing a disservice to both of you by going along as long as the kids are on the other side of the country.

At least be honest with him that you would have been out of there by day one if you knew he had kids and that you are not willing to be a step mother.

I didn't get that at all. I got that it would have been a deal breaker if it was one of the first things she knew about him. Now that she has gotten to know him better, as himself, it's not as big of a deal.

[JessLough]

Originally Posted by yoko

Pretty much just like you guys have decided it's ok for this guy, because he definitely doesn't sound like a 'dad', to say to someone he would put them before their kids.

If you aren't responsible enough to put your kids before fun making more kids time. You aren't responsible enough for me to think you are worth anyone who wants a serious relationships time.

ETA: If you ARE just wanting sexy fun time go for it just be safe. He already has two kids he hides.

Except that I never said it's ok for him. Not once. Why? Because I don't actually know the situation.

[yoko]

Originally Posted by JessLough

But you don't have the whole conversation. You don't have a transcript of the situation. It seems to me like it was a tl;dr version of the conversation. You just don't know.

Unless people have REALLY weird conversations

Like I said I don't really care how it lead up to it. Saying

he said while it would obvs be ideal, his future wife/gf/whatever would come first, and she would have to be ok with it.

Should never have been said. Any way you twist it he's putting someone else in front of something that is his responsibility.

[JessLough]

Originally Posted by yoko

Like I said I don't really care how it lead up to it. Saying



Should never have been said. Any way you twist it he's putting someone else in front of something that is his responsibility.

But you don't know he said that.

You know he said something that she took as that. Doesn't mean he said it or he meant it like that.

[yoko]

Originally Posted by JessLough

But you don't know he said that.

You know he said something that she took as that. Doesn't mean he said it or he meant it like that.

his future wife/gf/whatever would come first<-- what else could that mean? I mean to me that seems pretty clear.

[darkchild16]

and as a parent who did date while being a parent you make it pretty clear one way or another because you are usually adament one way or another.

[sparks19]

Originally Posted by JessLough

I didn't get that at all. I got that it would have been a deal breaker if it was one of the first things she knew about him. Now that she has gotten to know him better, as himself, it's not as big of a deal.

Really?

"minus the kids I have no reservations at all". "it doesn't seem he wants a mother for his kids". It could VERY easily end up that he becomes soul guardian of the kids if anything happened to mom. You get involved with someone with kids... You need to be prepared to be step mom/acting mom.

Be willing to love the kids or get out of the relationship.

[Shai]

Originally Posted by yoko

Pretty much just like you guys have decided it's ok for this guy, because he definitely doesn't sound like a 'dad', to say to someone he would put them before their kids.

That's putting words in my mouth in a big way. So no, not like that at all.