Dog Site - Dog Stuff
Dog Forum | Dog Pictures

Go Back   Chazhound Dog Forum > Dog Forum News > The Fire Hydrant


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 08-06-2012, 09:02 PM
Shai's Avatar
Shai Shai is offline
& the Muttly Crew
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 6,081
Default

I'm with RTH on this. If the kids are a deal-breaker for YOU or if the possibility that he's going to want to move to be near them at some point is a deal-breaker for you then end it.

If you really think he was hiding something and that bothers you then end it.

Not everyone divulges things immediately. I know I don't. Doesn't mean I'm hiding anything, and I'm certainly not going to keep something that could cause real harm to another. But at the end of the day my business is my own, up to a certain point. Apparently the point where he felt it was important to tell you about this part of his life was now. If you want to make this work but have concerns, talk to him about it. If he's dated anyone else since his divorce he's probably had to answer those questions before...if not well there's no time like the present.
__________________

ARCHX U-CD Kim MX MXJ NF CL3-SF RL3/2X/1X-COE CGC -- Golden Ditzhund, b. ~Mar'07
MACH ARCHX U-CD Webster MXB MJB RL3/2X/1X-COE CGC -- Flying Houdini, b. ~Jun'07
Mira CD JH MX MXB MXJ MJB CGC WCX -- Princess Cheeseface, b. Jul'09
Lodin -- Crazy Monkeybean, b. Dec'13
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 08-06-2012, 09:04 PM
yoko's Avatar
yoko yoko is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 5,341
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shai View Post
I'm with RTH on this. If the kids are a deal-breaker for YOU or if the possibility that he's going to want to move to be near them at some point is a deal-breaker for you then end it.
She doesn't have to worry about that. He's already said his girlfriend comes before his children.
__________________
Thank you Vivien and Angel Chicken for the siggy! Also I have been frosted!!! And as of 9/13/07 I know the secret handshake!


Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 08-06-2012, 09:07 PM
JessLough JessLough is offline
Love My Mutt <3
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Ontario
Posts: 13,191
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ihartgonzo View Post
I feel like withholding the truth is lying, when it's something as huge as having two children... and he just happened to never mention it in 6 weeks? That's a long time. I assume that in those 6 weeks they have talked about each other's lives, past relationships, etc.
So it's the withholding (lying) over a long time about something that you have an issue with?
__________________
Ella: 3 year old female ferret
Nacho: ~8 year old male ferret

Goodbye, Rosey. You were the best girl I could have asked for. 10/15/96-03/08/13
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 08-06-2012, 09:15 PM
Shai's Avatar
Shai Shai is offline
& the Muttly Crew
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 6,081
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by yoko View Post
She doesn't have to worry about that. He's already said his girlfriend comes before his children.
And I still say an actual conversation about what was said and what was heard and what was meant should happen before demonizing anyone.

Because you know there are never failures in communication among the human race during moments of stress.
__________________

ARCHX U-CD Kim MX MXJ NF CL3-SF RL3/2X/1X-COE CGC -- Golden Ditzhund, b. ~Mar'07
MACH ARCHX U-CD Webster MXB MJB RL3/2X/1X-COE CGC -- Flying Houdini, b. ~Jun'07
Mira CD JH MX MXB MXJ MJB CGC WCX -- Princess Cheeseface, b. Jul'09
Lodin -- Crazy Monkeybean, b. Dec'13
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 08-06-2012, 09:19 PM
yoko's Avatar
yoko yoko is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 5,341
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shai View Post
And I still say an actual conversation about what was said and what was heard and what was meant should happen before demonizing anyone.

Because you know there are never failures in communication among the human race during moments of stress.
I mean that part which is the main thing I have an issue with seems pretty clear.

Making him constantly repeat it is just setting it up for him to start backpedalling once he realizes that's not what she wanted to hear.

I've always gone with what people say is what they mean. Why constantly push it and question it until he say what you want. That isn't getting the truth that's just them exhibiting appeasement behavior.
__________________
Thank you Vivien and Angel Chicken for the siggy! Also I have been frosted!!! And as of 9/13/07 I know the secret handshake!


Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 08-06-2012, 09:23 PM
JessLough JessLough is offline
Love My Mutt <3
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Ontario
Posts: 13,191
Default

But you don't have the whole conversation.
__________________
Ella: 3 year old female ferret
Nacho: ~8 year old male ferret

Goodbye, Rosey. You were the best girl I could have asked for. 10/15/96-03/08/13
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 08-06-2012, 09:27 PM
Shai's Avatar
Shai Shai is offline
& the Muttly Crew
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 6,081
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by JessLough View Post
But you don't have the whole conversation.
She doesn't have to worry about that. She's already made up her mind.

__________________

ARCHX U-CD Kim MX MXJ NF CL3-SF RL3/2X/1X-COE CGC -- Golden Ditzhund, b. ~Mar'07
MACH ARCHX U-CD Webster MXB MJB RL3/2X/1X-COE CGC -- Flying Houdini, b. ~Jun'07
Mira CD JH MX MXB MXJ MJB CGC WCX -- Princess Cheeseface, b. Jul'09
Lodin -- Crazy Monkeybean, b. Dec'13
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 08-06-2012, 09:28 PM
ihartgonzo's Avatar
ihartgonzo ihartgonzo is offline
and Fozzie B!
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Northern California
Posts: 5,903
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by JessLough View Post
So it's the withholding (lying) over a long time about something that you have an issue with?
Yes. Especially when it's something that could be a huge deal-breaker for some people, like the OP... it's just wasting their time & toying with their feelings. I assume that he knows that it can be a deal breaker, and that's why he waited so long to tell her. I find it really messed up to wait until some one has invested time and emotions into a relationship to be honest with them about your life. How long do you find it acceptable for a SO to omit the truth about having children? 1 year? Forever?

If me and my boyfriend broke up, I would tell anyone that I dated HAPPILY that I have a kid. I'm not ashamed of it. If they had an issue with that, I don't want either of us to waste our time. I feel like once you have children, anyone you date needs to understand that it's a package deal.

Obviously, this may or may not be an issue for the OP, but she did ask for our opinions and some people are more serious about this than others. We don't know him and can't say anything for sure but we can express what we'd do and how we'd feel. I wouldn't be ok with this situation if I was her... but she shouldn't dump some one based on advice from people on a message board! And she won't, I'm positive of that.
__________________


<3 Erica, Gonzo & Fozzie
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 08-06-2012, 09:29 PM
yoko's Avatar
yoko yoko is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 5,341
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by JessLough View Post
But you don't have the whole conversation.
This is all I really need to know:

Quote:
he said while it would obvs be ideal, his future wife/gf/whatever would come first, and she would have to be ok with it.
After having a ton of friends in elementary/middleschool/high school with divorced parents and them having to go through only seeing one parent a couple times a year and being constantly hurt that the parent decided to do things that didn't involve them and was fun for the parent instead of being good for the kids I have NO tolerance for anyone not putting their kids first.

No reason for them to not have the kids first and no reason for them to even vocalize that they won't be putting their kids first.
__________________
Thank you Vivien and Angel Chicken for the siggy! Also I have been frosted!!! And as of 9/13/07 I know the secret handshake!


Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 08-06-2012, 09:31 PM
sparks19's Avatar
sparks19 sparks19 is offline
I'd rather be at Disney
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Lancaster, PA
Posts: 28,313
Default

Forget HIS plans for the future. What sticks out to me is that you say if he had said this from the start you would be out of there but since he almost never sees them it seems ok. I would end it right there. He has children... You woild have ended it if you knew before bit since they aren't around it is OK but that could change in an instant.

If you don't want to be a step mom
And deal with his kids full time then end it. You are doing a disservice to both of you by going along as long as the kids are on the other side of the country.

At least be honest with him that you would have been out of there by day one if you knew he had kids and that you are not willing to be a step mother.
__________________
Quote:

“Meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain. Meaninglessness comes from being weary of pleasure.”


G.K. Chesterton
“Family fun is as necessary to modern living as a kitchen refrigerator.” – Walt Disney






Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:56 AM.


©1997-2013 Chazhound Dog Site