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Old 03-08-2012, 11:31 AM
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Doberluv Doberluv is offline
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Question Am I being nit picky? Please advise.

My sister came up with the idea of throwing a big birthday party for my Mom in April...her 90th! It should be a surprise we're thinking. I think it's a great idea. 90 years old is a major big deal. She decided what and where we'd do this...at a restaurant. She suggested we each pay half and she wondered whether to invite some of my Mom's neighbors or just family. She, as usual, does not include me in any of the arrangements or choices of who to invite, even though I'm expected to pay half. She has sent out a group email and told me to invite my son and his Dad, since my Mom loves my ex. (and after all, my son is my Mom's grandson) Then she told one of her daughters to be sure and invite her boyfriend. My Mom doesn't even know this boyfriend. My sister's family, her kids, their kids and the boyfriends and husbands is larger than my four (who I'm "allowed" to invite). Well...she'd probably "let" me invite someone else if I thought of someone else. But as usual, she is running the show, even though I'm expected to pay half of this big party. I had suggested getting a little string band or something. That was shot down on account of probably being very expensive.

My sister has tons of money, much more than I do. (Wow, am I turning into a socialist?) But she has a much larger family. Do you think I dare say anything? Or should I just let it go and focus on the fact that this is a big bash for my Mom and forget it?

It's not so much the money, (although it is to a degree) as it is the way my sister takes over like a combine going through a wheat field... and decides everything, including the inviting of my niece's boyfriend. That bugs me. It's not like he's part of the family and my mother doesn't know him at all...never met him. Now, one aspect is that my sister lives near my Mom on one of the islands here. She does most of the taking care of or helping my Mom because she's like 10 minutes away....and so maybe there's a little difference there or maybe I should give some leeway for that. The restaurant is right there on the island which would be easier for my Mom than coming into Seattle. So, I get that. But it still bugs me that the expense is divided equally, but my sister's guest list is about double the size of my family.

Am I being unreasonable, irrational and nit picky?
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Old 03-08-2012, 12:12 PM
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ACooper ACooper is offline
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Quote:
It's not so much the money, (although it is to a degree) as it is the way my sister takes over like a combine going through a wheat field... and decides everything
If I decided to say anything, ^THAT would be the basis of the whole discussion. Saying "your family/group is bigger than my family/group so why should I have to pay half" DOES sound nit picky/whiny IMO (even though it's true, LOL)

I would tell my sister (of which I have 2, so I understand sisterly 'talks', haha) "Hey, if you want my 1/2 of the money then it comes with my 1/2 of the ideas, take it or leave it" You could polish it up a bit, but that's the gist of what my sis would be hearing

EDIT TO ADD: I have no idea what kind of relationship you have with your sister, you know what you can and can't talk about without creating a rift or drama. My advice is based on MY relationship with my sisters, and I can (and DO) say just about anything to them. Our rule is "If you can't tell it to someone you love/who loves you, who can you say things to?" Although, one sister is easier than the other
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Old 03-08-2012, 12:20 PM
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Doberluv Doberluv is offline
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I think you made a very good point. The point. I don't know. I could easily start another rift. We already had one a year or two ago. And it was a big one. And we're not very close. We just go through the motions. I feel like I have to walk on egg shells and hot coals. So, I guess I better just keep tip toeing around, being the meek and mild thing I am. Thanks for your very objective input. That's what I need sometimes.
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"If you love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen." -- Samuel Adams 1776





"When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty."

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