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  #41  
Old 02-11-2012, 08:19 AM
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Hmmmmmm so many good points :S I don't know which side I'm on now....
I think what we don't know about him is a big factor here,this one video clip doesn't really sum up his whole parenting style,he seemed warm and honest,I didn't feel it was done in a vicious way.He did rant and vent but what he said made sense.Sometimes when your a teenager and you try and have these conversations the heat of the moment makes it hard for both people to get their POV across.
The young girl sounded quite bratty,I don't think this means she is spoilt and nasty for all we know they have done a really good job as parents and the teenage years have turned her nasty!
I don't see why "public humiliation" is so bad,kids tend to behave very differently at home then in front of other people,my mum always use to threaten me with "What would your teacher say" etc.Its GOOD for children to be aware of how their actions affect their inner circle but also what society will make off them!
As for paying a child to do the chores NO WAY,I was brought up in a household where we were all expected to pull our weight and help out,we didn't even get pocket money.In the long wrong it's the right thing to do,the value isn't on the money,the value is contributing to your family.
I'm sure this girl got a taste of her own medicine and realised what she had done wrong.I think he doesn't seem like someone who is going to hold a grudge against her for that mistake but move on together.I think she's lucky to have him as a dad.
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  #42  
Old 02-11-2012, 08:23 AM
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Originally Posted by doberluv View Post
what would dr. Phil say? Lol. I think he's smart and good at what he does. And i suspect he would say that the father was lowering himself to her level of maturity....stooping to a bratty child's level to deal with a bratty child. How did she get so bratty in the first place? What happened all along during her childhood to leave her with no respect for her parents? I think something like this causes more of a break down of communication. They'll not be able to work out what the trouble is because she'll be so humiliated and angry. Of course, consequences should be made to happen if she doesn't do her chores. And consequences should happen when she does do her chores. Her ranting on fb is not nice, it's disrespectful, but it should be her business. It's an outlet for how she feels and how she feels is what needs to be dealt with, not the symptoms. Reducing himself to her level and then ranting like a child, humiliating and angering her is not setting any good example of how to grow up and become responsible and mature about solving problems or dealing with people who upset or anger her.
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  #43  
Old 02-11-2012, 08:24 AM
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I don't know. I think people need to stop telling other people how to parent. yes the majority of teenagers are annoying or a pain in the butt... HOWEVER there are some who are downright NASTY.

This is something that they should have done with my neice. She was not your average teenager who is just being a brat. I dont' say this often but she was just a BAD kid. She's violent, mouthy beyond what normal mouthy teenagers are and she's basically abusive. She doesn't give a care in the world about how she makes other people feel. It's so bad that my mother (her grandmother) is ready to just walk away because she really is THAT bad. I don't know how to explain it... it's really something you have to see for yourself to understand how bad it really is.

Did her parents do everything right? absolutely not (NO parent does everything right... parenting doesn't come with a manual despite how everyone sees to think it does). Did they handle her blatant disobedience and abuse correctly? No they definitely didn't... but HOW do you "parent" that? it's nice that as outsiders we can sit here and have time to just think the situation over and hum and haw over the pros and cons but parenting is kind of done on the fly and a lot of times you gotta just fly by the seat of your pants and hope you are doing the right thing.

My brother and his wife tried the "we want to be your friend. if you aren't going to be nice we are going to take away your phone" yeah... that doesn't work with the truly difficult ones.

Sometimes you've gotta do something drastic.

Was this effective? I have no idea. maybe it was, maybe it wasn't and he's going to have to try something else to get through to her. But I doubt this was just that one comment on facebook. I think this was an ongoing issue and he was just pushed over the edge.

I'm not about to vilify him. WAs it "father of the year" material... no but parents are humans to. They can be pushed over the edge, at the end of their ropes and OMG they even make mistakes. In the end... She'll get over it. I'm sure it's the worst thing that's ever happened in the History of the World to her right now because she's a teenage girl and drama is the name of the game but I doubt she's going to be sitting on the therapists couch one day saying "my dad shot my laptop and now my life is ruined"
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  #44  
Old 02-11-2012, 08:28 AM
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Frankly I think this guy is my soul mate. I laughed the whole time and found it very fair. I did laugh at the thought he made it into a video but whatever.

Wasteful? Maybe, those are nice bullets.
Totally agree!

I thought the video was awesome. Good to see a parent who isn't their kids BFF for once. I have two nieces who are almost 10 & 7, and the things they think they're entitled to.. OMG. And they're "tame" compared to their friends.. 10yr. olds walking around with iPads and iPhones, talking about how their jeans were $100.. it's insane!
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  #45  
Old 02-11-2012, 08:28 AM
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Kids are very much like dogs.... You get out what you put in.

I've never met a "bad" kid, only badly brought up ones. Getting it wrong in infancy can lead to issues in teens, you might be the model parent by then, but then It's too late. You reap what you sow.
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  #46  
Old 02-11-2012, 08:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Dizzy View Post
Kids are very much like dogs.... You get out what you put in.

I've never met a "bad" kid, only badly brought up ones. Getting it wrong in infancy can lead to issues in teens, you might be the model parent by then, but then It's too late. You reap what you sow.
yes and that all goes back to PARENTING DOESN'T COME WITH A MANUAL.

It's so easy to sit here and say what the parents should have done when you aren't the one parenting.

Sometimes you do what you think is right and it turns out it wasn't and by then you've lost all control. It doesn't make you a bad person and it certainly doesn't mean you should then be subjected to abuse at the hands of your child (not saying that's what this father is enduring)

I remember my neice being three years old and going after her brother with a real golf club and it was not the typical brother/sister fight. she would have beaten him with that club. i know it, I'd seen her go after her brother before (older brother). She did see a child psychologist for a while but that didnt' help. The whole "let her know how loved she is, sit down and talk with her, explain why what she is doing is not ok"... that didn't do anything other than teach her how to manipulate her parents and everyone else. Manipulation is one of her strengths.

by the time she was 10 she was calling childrens aid on her parents whenever they tried to punish her (no they did not hit her or anything like that) but she knew if she called the childrens aid hotline or the police... they would always come out and investigate. (that's actually snowballed to a point now that the last time she called the police they arrested her for wasting their time basically lol... she is over 18 now so at least her actions only affect her now)

and now... she has a baby of her own :O She needs help but she doesn't want it. she's gotten it, they gave her meds, she won't take them.

So I just wonder how as a parent, doing this on the fly... how are you supposed to handle that and know you are doing just right? especially when some of what they tried came from "professionals".

There isn't a manual. parenting isn't clear cut and dry. Kids are very smart and many of them know how to work their parents just right. They are smart... but they aren't always reasonable. Teens aren't always up for a parent trying to "reason" with them.

I h ope I am doing the best I can with Hannah but I won't really know until down the road. They don't really hand out parenting progress reports. you kind of just gotta go with your heart. I will always try to be the best parent I can... even when it's hard but the truth of the matter is... I'm going to make mistakes. We all do. Our parents made mistakes but yet most of us turned out OK lol. I'm sure this girl (from the video) will too
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  #47  
Old 02-11-2012, 08:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Dizzy View Post
Kids are very much like dogs.... You get out what you put in.
I don't think this is entirely true. Both kids and dogs are born with their own tempements, they are not little blank slates. I have one dog with good work ethic, and one dog who has his own agenda when it comes to what he wants to do and they have both been like this since day one. I can do tons of work with Jack, do tons of motivating exercises, and he will still no have the natural work ethic that Sally does.

My mom did a pretty good job and was a very involved parent, but I had my own personality. I felt that I shouldn't have to do chores because I was lazy and stubborn and would rather argue about it than give in and do it. I don't think there was anything that my mom could have done to change that. Heck, even now when I own my own house I have to keep on myself because I procrastinate and can be lazy about housework.
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  #48  
Old 02-11-2012, 08:48 AM
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I don't think this is entirely true. Both kids and dogs are born with their own tempements, they are not little blank slates. I have one dog with good work ethic, and one dog who has his own agenda when it comes to what he wants to do and they have both been like this since day one. I can do tons of work with Jack, do tons of motivating exercises, and he will still no have the natural work ethic that Sally does.

My mom did a pretty good job and was a very involved parent, but I had my own personality. I felt that I shouldn't have to do chores because I was lazy and stubborn and would rather argue about it than give in and do it. I don't think there was anything that my mom could have done to change that. Heck, even now when I own my own house I have to keep on myself because I procrastinate and can be lazy about housework.
This
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  #49  
Old 02-11-2012, 08:53 AM
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There's no manual, but common sense must prevail. Shooting your daughters laptop, filming it and posting it on the internet is plain stupid.

Sitting there fag (cigarette to you) in hand no less.

If he wants respect then maybe he should think about the message he portrays.
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"Dogs are our link to paradise. They do not know jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing wasn't boring, it was peace."


Bodhi is the opposite of ignorance, the insight into reality which destroys mental afflictions and brings peace.

Owned by Bodhi Booglaoo and Fredington Holbein


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  #50  
Old 02-11-2012, 08:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Dizzy View Post
There's no manual, but common sense must prevail. Shooting your daughters laptop, filming it and posting it on the internet is plain stupid.

Sitting there fag (cigarette to you) in hand no less.

If he wants respect then maybe he should think about the message he portrays.
Exactly this^
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