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  #31  
Old 02-05-2012, 09:41 PM
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I get told that all the time. People assume 16 at sight, I talk they assume I'm 30 and then are generally shocked I'm only 20.
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  #32  
Old 02-05-2012, 09:57 PM
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I get told that all the time. People assume 16 at sight, I talk they assume I'm 30 and then are generally shocked I'm only 20.
Yea I get the "Are you SURE your 21?" And I say "Um... yea pretty sure I'm 21" then I get "You look 16 or 17". And to that, I smile and thank you cause when I get 40 I will still look 32 lol
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  #33  
Old 02-05-2012, 09:58 PM
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Exactly! I'm short with a baby face. I take it as a compliment.
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  #34  
Old 02-05-2012, 10:09 PM
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ETA: Don't get me wrong, if I am pregnant now or if I get pregnant before I go back to college, I would be excited. Tj would be excited. And we would make work in every possible way. I know it can be hard. I do not doubt that for a second in my mind, and I am not like most girls my age who have one or two kids. They drop their kids off at their parents or in laws houses and go party. I could not, and would not, do that.
I think if you lay in bed with someone and get pregnant, you should take up responsibility no matter what. I wish girls my age who already have kids thought like that. Now granted, I know TWO girls who are my age and think like that and do just that. But two vs at least 12, isn't a good ratio to me.

I hope no one takes offense to that, I am basing that off of people I know personally and have known since I was in elementary school.
I don't think there is anything wrong with occasionally dropping kids off at the grandparent's house and going out to get some 'me/us' time. If it was happening all the time, or if the grandparent's didn't like the responsibility that changes things. My parents dropped me and my brother off a couple times a month to go out on a date or out with friends or whatever. We are no worse off

And you know, I have a lot of sympathy for girls who get pregnant and now have to devote their entire lives to children they weren't ready for. I am 20, and I would be devastated if I got pregnant... I would have a hard time coming to terms with the idea that I couldn't go out as much with my friends anymore, couldn't relate to them nearly as well, couldn't roll home at 3 in the morning with the SO after a few drinks, etc... I don't think that makes me a bad person. And as for the whole "well you decided to have sex so now you need to lay in the bed you made", well that drives me bananas. At this point I don't want kids, maybe not ever. Does that mean that since I *could* get preggo, I should never have sex, possibly for my whole life?

Anyway, I am not saying it's ok to neglect or mistreat your children. That is NEVER ok. What I am trying to say is that I don't think it's fair to look down on people who accidentally got pregnant and aren't immediately thrilled about the whole parenting thing. It's also understandable, imo, that after having the baby, there will be a period of time where the mother and father have to adjust to having this new life... Which can be very, very hard. Dak I am not saying your friend's are like this, in fact I am sure you are right in that they are irresponsible. But, I just wanted to clarify that I don't think it is wrong or bad of people to not immediately be happy about having a baby, or about not immediately being an amazing parent.

At 20, a lot of people are really still kids themselves
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  #35  
Old 02-05-2012, 10:16 PM
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I don't think there is anything wrong with occasionally dropping kids off at the grandparent's house and going out to get some 'me/us' time. If it was happening all the time, or if the grandparent's didn't like the responsibility that changes things. My parents dropped me and my brother off a couple times a month to go out on a date or out with friends or whatever. We are no worse off

And you know, I have a lot of sympathy for girls who get pregnant and now have to devote their entire lives to children they weren't ready for. I am 20, and I would be devastated if I got pregnant... I would have a hard time coming to terms with the idea that I couldn't go out as much with my friends anymore, couldn't relate to them nearly as well, couldn't roll home at 3 in the morning with the SO after a few drinks, etc... I don't think that makes me a bad person. And as for the whole "well you decided to have sex so now you need to lay in the bed you made", well that drives me bananas. At this point I don't want kids, maybe not ever. Does that mean that since I *could* get preggo, I should never have sex, possibly for my whole life?

Anyway, I am not saying it's ok to neglect or mistreat your children. That is NEVER ok. What I am trying to say is that I don't think it's fair to look down on people who accidentally got pregnant and aren't immediately thrilled about the whole parenting thing. It's also understandable, imo, that after having the baby, there will be a period of time where the mother and father have to adjust to having this new life... Which can be very, very hard. Dak I am not saying your friend's are like this, in fact I am sure you are right in that they are irresponsible. But, I just wanted to clarify that I don't think it is wrong or bad of people to not immediately be happy about having a baby, or about not immediately being an amazing parent.

At 20, a lot of people are really still kids themselves
NO! I did not mean it the way you probably thought AT ALL. I am so sorry it came out that way.

And I am in NO way saying I look down on people who get accidentally pregnant. I don't expect every woman to want kids or be happy about having one, by no means do I mean that. To each their own, and that is perfectly fine.

I did not mean what I said to be negative at all.
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  #36  
Old 02-05-2012, 10:17 PM
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I wasn't thrilled to begin with but you adjust. There is nothing wrong with wanting to go out as a parent at any age for you/us time or even just drop the kid off so you can sit in silence. Zero. Every parent is unique and needs a different amount of help.

But, choosing to be a mother at a young age means you need to adjust. It isn't an option. You may be young but your child is younger. They did not decide for you to keep a pregnancy. You did. So naturally your freedom is going to be a lot less than before you had a child. You learn a new way of living and find new joys of life.
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  #37  
Old 02-05-2012, 10:42 PM
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Dak, I dunno if this will help you or not, but when I went through a phase of really bad baby fever I started researching everything baby related: scientific backing for various pregnancy and birth procedures (gestational diabetes screening options, whether vaginal exams are helpful, pros and cons of epidurals, routine infant screenings, circumcision, etc.), various childbirth classes, the whole disposable vs cloth diaper debate, breastfeeding resources, pregnancy/birth and parenting blogs, etc.

It gave me a LOT to think about (instead of just imagining having a baby as all rainbows and butterflies lol), I got some great resources for future reference, was able to really think about my choices without the pressure of having to have everything figured out in a couple months, and it made me even more confident that we needed to wait as there are a number of parenting things I'd like to do that mean working full time that first year or two is less desirable and thus DH and I need to have more of a financial cushion.

I'm also working toward some personal goals given feedback from current parents about what they have wished they had done before pregnancy/birth/childrearing and that keeps me out of trouble as well. HTH!
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  #38  
Old 02-05-2012, 10:55 PM
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Dak, I dunno if this will help you or not, but when I went through a phase of really bad baby fever I started researching everything baby related: scientific backing for various pregnancy and birth procedures (gestational diabetes screening options, whether vaginal exams are helpful, pros and cons of epidurals, routine infant screenings, circumcision, etc.), various childbirth classes, the whole disposable vs cloth diaper debate, breastfeeding resources, pregnancy/birth and parenting blogs, etc.

It gave me a LOT to think about (instead of just imagining having a baby as all rainbows and butterflies lol), I got some great resources for future reference, was able to really think about my choices without the pressure of having to have everything figured out in a couple months, and it made me even more confident that we needed to wait as there are a number of parenting things I'd like to do that mean working full time that first year or two is less desirable and thus DH and I need to have more of a financial cushion.

I'm also working toward some personal goals given feedback from current parents about what they have wished they had done before pregnancy/birth/childrearing and that keeps me out of trouble as well. HTH!
I have been researching, and have been for at least a year, and I am just so boggled at how much stuff is really out there and the websites, books, etc.

Granted, it never hurts to wait.
Its not like I am saying if I am not pregnant now, I am going to try it in 2 weeks. If I am not pregnant now, then we plan on waiting until next year (at the VERY least) to actually *try*, but a lot can happen between now and then, and we could have a "oopsie" because we all know BC and condoms are not 100% bullet proof lol.

I know having a baby isn't all butterflies and skittles, trust me, I am not to thrilled about going through the puking, hurting breasts, swollen feet, and looking like a giant hippo when I get pregnant. And I know once I have a baby I know it'll be hard, I know things will take a while to adjust, and I know there will be times I want to pull my hair out.
I might not be one of the best moms on the planet when I have kids, but I know I will be better than a lot of the ones I know.

You know, I actually saw a woman BEAT her baby girl who could not have been more than 18 months old in the middle of Wal Mart about 2 weeks ago. I ran to an employee, told them what I say, and they had 2 sheriffs cars and a DFACS/Social Worker lady out there in less than 10 minutes.
To this day I don't know why parents treat their kids like that, and I guess I get more emotional about it then some because I went through that as a kid.

People baffle me.
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  #39  
Old 02-05-2012, 10:59 PM
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First, it does sound like your body is going through "Readjustment Hell" from going off BC. I can't tell you how many times I was thisclose to doing a DIY hysterectomy with a dull spoon, because it would have hurt less than the periods, LOL. 1200mg of ibuprofen didn't even *touch* the cramps I was experiencing.

Second, I know you don't really want to hear it, but you are still young. Both of you. And you're both in very transitional times in your life, not to mention you really haven't been together for very long. Take the time you have now to really get to know each other. See how the move and new schedule affects your relationship, because it will to some degree. Hopefully in a positive way, but there is that chance it will end badly.

I really wanted kids when I was 18, to the point I had thought about only doing 2 years of college and then getting married, raising a family, etc. I am so stupidly beyond glad things didn't go that route. That relationship didn't last, even though we were together for 6 years. There are so many things I've gotten to do--and still want to do--that would never have been possible if I'd had a baby. Being older now, having friends with children and just more aware of what the whole process entails, I could probably be quite happy never having children.

Not trying to be a total downer, but just saying you should consider every single angle of what is involved in having kids, especially at such a changeable age.
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  #40  
Old 02-05-2012, 11:35 PM
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I agree with you Zoom! Especially as I am on the other side of the fence. The young mother. I love it with all my heart but I can't say it enough when people consider doing it that they should reconsider and wait.
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