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Old 01-30-2012, 10:01 PM
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Jules Jules is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 7,204
Default Counseling?

Lately, I have been thinking of seeing a therapist or counselor. I have been lugging a few things around with me... For one, I have never really spoken with anyone about the death of my grandfather. When he passed, my mom called me early in the morning and told me... After that I went back to bed, then went to work and that was mostly it. There never was much room to speak about it with my parents as my dad is a very "he was old and it's natural" type of person, so I have been there for my mom, bring the support for her. My husband has been there for me or would be, but it's hard for me to let myself open up in that matter. If there is something that reminds me of him, I cry to myself if I'm in a situation where I can, and then just go on with it. I have never had someone so close to me die and I don't know if that's what it is supposed to be like? It just feels like I never dealt with it.

Now my grandma is in the hospital and has been for awhile... And I feel everything build up. I have had a very very close relationship with my omi and opi... And I feel so riddled with guilt for leaving them in the first place. I always promised them I would take care of them, and I haven't held my promise.

Has anyone ever been to a grief counselor or therapist? If so, how do you find one you feel comfortable with?

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Old 01-30-2012, 10:09 PM
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Lilavati Lilavati is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Alexandria, VA
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I've never seen a grief counselor.

But a good therapist can be very helpful, if only as someone to talk to about it who won't judge and has no stake in the situation. They may have good advice as well, but I have always found just having someone to listen to you whom you don't have to deal with in other contexts is the more important thing. It allows you to work things out with yourself, if that makes sense.
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Old 01-30-2012, 10:16 PM
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Doberluv Doberluv is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: western Wa
Posts: 22,020

Awww...I'm so sorry. I have lost a few people very close to me. It sure isn't easy. I think a counselor would be a great idea. Maybe some guidance in grief would let you know what is normal, what to expect and how to take your time going through the phases. You could be doing all that and are just not aware. The guilt you have should be addressed. That's too much to carry around for a long time. I hope you can get some more support. It's good that your husband is supportive but maybe you need someone else too.

That ("he is very old and it is natural") worked for me when my Dad, 92 yrs. old got so sick and far as accepting it pretty well. It didn't help with the fact that I'd never see my Dad again or my brother when he died. My brother had a brain tumor and he was only 55 years old. That was particularly hard for me. It just seemed so unfair.

I hope you seek and find what you need to bring you to a more peaceful state. And I hope your Grandma will be okay. I'm so sorry you're having to go through it. But we all do at some point. I think it's smart of you to try to figure this that you can grieve in a way that will bring you around to a more peaceful and accepting feeling.

"If you love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen." -- Samuel Adams 1776

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Old 01-30-2012, 10:18 PM
JessLough JessLough is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Ontario
Posts: 13,397

I went to a counsellor shortly after my Nanny passed. He dressed in suede with a straw hat, so I really couldn't take him seriously and ended up not going back.
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Old 01-30-2012, 10:22 PM
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Paige Paige is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2007
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No but I really should.
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Old 01-30-2012, 10:53 PM
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AllieMackie AllieMackie is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 6,600

Yup. Been seeing one regularly ever since my mom died, so about six years every month or so. I've taken breaks, but wind up going back.

I won't give many details of what it consists of publicly because I'm kind of private about this kind of stuff, but I'm happy to discuss it with you in PM if you like.

It took me three tries to find someone I could work well with. I started with a grief counseller, but she was far too coddle-y and not enough okay-this-sucks-but-lets-work-on-it. The second guy, a generalized professional counseller, was way too bookish holier-than-thou for me.

The third therapist, the guy I finally decided was right for me, is just awesome. He's a professional counseller who takes focus on cases regarding mental health and well-being. He asks the hard questions. I often cry it out during our sessions. We talk it out. He gives me homework and coping mechanisms. He's on call for appointments as needed. Our sessions are often harsh and emotionally painful, but they bring up what needs to be brought up I've come a long, LONG way since we've done so.

Don't settle OR to give up on counselling if your first encounters with your counsellor/therapist aren't comfortable or aren't feeling like they're going in a direction you want. Ask friends/family for recommendations if you feel comfortable (that's how I finally found my counseller... a friend went to him for severe grief depression) and ask questions during your initial consultation.

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