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  #11  
Old 01-30-2012, 09:01 PM
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I think the thing with parenting philosophies is that they are all largely a bunch of hooey. Yes, you can start with a general idea of what you want, but so much of it is dependant on the individual child.

I was not a kid that did well be forced into things. Pushed? Sure. Forced? No sir. Everyone in the house would have miserable. I was once told by an aunt that I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I finished my carrots (which I detested), so I sat at the table for hours before they finally folded and sent me to bed (a much better option than carrots, IMHO).

I think WAY too many parents a super permissive and I am NOT a fan of that at all, but there is a happy medium. When I used to guide trails rides every now and then you would have a kid that was scared to ride. There were a few instances where the child (usually 8 or 9 yrs old it seemed) would be in tears pretty much from the start of the ride until the end, and were constantly be scolded, occasionally to the point of belittlement, for their behavior. I never saw the point of that kind of parenting. The kid was humiliated in front of stable staff and their family and were no less afraid at the end of the ride than the beginning.
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  #12  
Old 01-30-2012, 09:06 PM
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Originally Posted by sillysally View Post
The kid was humiliated in front of stable staff and their family and were no less afraid at the end of the ride than the beginning.
Indeed, he or she would have a whole new reason to dread riding and hate horses.
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  #13  
Old 01-30-2012, 09:12 PM
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Depends on what you measure success by.
Without having a clue what this parenting style is about I say this is on the money.

My mom varied with all 3 of us kids and we're all doing pretty alright.
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  #14  
Old 01-30-2012, 10:11 PM
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Setting high standards and demanding best efforts is fine. Insisting that kids learn an art form, fine. Insisting on homework before play, fine. But that woman is a tyrant and a bully who not only sets incredibly high standards, she demands that everything be done her way. I think having a mother like that would have destroyed me, honestly.

My parents were strict about a few things, but so long as I stayed within those boundaries, I could pursue what interests I liked, and when I was old enough, pretty much do what I liked. They recognized pretty quickly that I wasn't naturally inclined to be their idea of a perfect child, and decided that instead of trying to force me to be something I wasn't, they'd teach me what I had to know to get along and then make the most of what I was good at. Since I turned out ok in the end, I'd say they did fine.
This! Totally agree. I would NOT have done well with that "bullying" method. I also think I turned out to be okay and was raised similar to you.

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Originally Posted by Gempress View Post
My mother is Asian, and raised me and my sister with a similar philosophy. On paper, it sounds harsher than it really is. I'll try my best to explain a bit.

Basically, it's like this. It's not about smashing creativity or imagination. Far from it! My mother is an artist and cherishes both those traits. Nor is it about being a drill sergeant. It's about discipline. The parents know what their children can do, and don't approve of their children not living up to potential. The point isn't to just do the job, it's to do it to the absolute best of your abilities. Challenge yourself. Doing anything less is shorting yourself. My mother always did her best to instill that in us.

I have a prime example. When I was a child, I wrote poetry. I was actually very good at it, and won several contests and scholarships for my work. When I was 11, I forgot about a poetry contest that was going on at my school. I didn't realize it until the day the entries were due. I took 10 minutes and scribbled something on a piece of paper before turning it in. I got second place. My mother saw my award and read the poem. Then she shook her head, and said, "You didn't put any thought into that, did you?" And she was right.

I read in the interview about how the book's author withheld dinner from her daughter until she improved in a certain piano piece. Yup, it happened to me, too. Quite a few times, LOL, except that mine involved schoolwork. My mother knew I could do better, and she made sure that I knew it, too.

And no, I don't have any hatred or Mommy issues. At least, no more than any other person I know. I have to say that I learned a lot from it.

That is one big difference I've noticed in Western childraising culture. It's almost considered cruel to push children into performing at their highest level. You can praise them or coax them into offering it freely, but actually demanding it is often considered too harsh.

Honestly? I'd like to raise any children I have in the same way my mother raised me. It certainly didn't scar me, and I believe I grew up to be a better person for it.
Thanks for your insight! It gives us a bit better of a view of maybe that style of parenting. I can definitely see how it could work, and even be beneficial.
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  #15  
Old 01-30-2012, 10:12 PM
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Originally Posted by sillysally View Post
I think the thing with parenting philosophies is that they are all largely a bunch of hooey. Yes, you can start with a general idea of what you want, but so much of it is dependant on the individual child.

I was not a kid that did well be forced into things. Pushed? Sure. Forced? No sir. Everyone in the house would have miserable. I was once told by an aunt that I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I finished my carrots (which I detested), so I sat at the table for hours before they finally folded and sent me to bed (a much better option than carrots, IMHO).

I think WAY too many parents a super permissive and I am NOT a fan of that at all, but there is a happy medium. When I used to guide trails rides every now and then you would have a kid that was scared to ride. There were a few instances where the child (usually 8 or 9 yrs old it seemed) would be in tears pretty much from the start of the ride until the end, and were constantly be scolded, occasionally to the point of belittlement, for their behavior. I never saw the point of that kind of parenting. The kid was humiliated in front of stable staff and their family and were no less afraid at the end of the ride than the beginning.
Totally this!
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