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Old 01-22-2012, 08:30 AM
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Picklepaige Picklepaige is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 1,553
Default Diagnose me!

Hey guys. I'm just wondering if anyone is familiar with mental diseases, and if anyone has any opinions. I don't think I'm "bad" enough to go to a psychiatrist...plus I'm scared to death of going

I was always a strange child, and as I got older, my parents really did consider taking me to a psychiatrist. I convinced them not to, that it was just weird teenage hormones. But now, I'm starting to really become self-aware, and realize that I DO have problems that should not be normal for someone my age.

First and foremost, is my social awkwardness. Now, as I have gotten older, it has gotten much better, but let me explain exactly what I mean. I am NOT shy. I have no problem going up to a complete stranger and asking them a question. Simple, objective talks are no problem to me. The problem is when the talking turns into a conversation. I don't know HOW to HAVE a conversation. When someone talks to me, I listen, I really do, but my response will generally be limited to a smile and a nod.

It's really hard to explain. I don't know how to joke, or tease, or say something funny or interesting in return. I have a hard time using facial expressions and gestures. I'm usually ok when I talk online, because I have time to think about and plan my reaction. In a face-to-face conversation, it goes too fast for me. When I do try to say something, it's really awkward, because I will speak really fast and slur and stumble over my words, because I'm trying to "keep the pace" of the conversation, without really knowing what I'm about to say. Once again, no problem stating facts or answering questions, but having a personal, emotional conversation is almost impossible for me.

I also have a very, very hard time explaining myself. Feelings and emotions are very difficult to describe for me, and when someone asks me something like "what are you feeling" or "what are you thinking," I'll just stammer out an "I don't know." It's just very hard for me.

However, there is one person who I can talk to with no problem. She's one of my best friends, and even though I have two other best friends, she's the only one who I feel like I can talk "normally" around. I don't know WHY, it's not like my other friends intimidate me, or I like them less. I don't get it.

Moving on...touch. I don't like my parents to touch me. Anytime they do, I get really anxious and frustrated. It makes me mad. I have never, ever been sexually abused by an adult, so I'm not sure what the deal is. I feel really bad because I know it hurts their feelings, but it frustrates me to the point of tears if they so much as poke me. Strangers touching me is the same. However, I enjoy, and even seek, touch from my close friends. Once again, I don't understand what's going on there.

Speaking of frustration, I get frustrated very easily. Things as simple as asking me to repeat myself, watching me do something, and asking me about how I'm feeling make me very frustrated. It's like I get this feeling that starts building up, and I'll start shaking and breathing hard and tearing up because of just how utterly upset it makes me. Again, little things like this don't bother me with the three people I call my best friends. I'm beginning to think they're gods or something, lol.

I also have some very interesting quirks and OCD-like behavior. When I see words, I "type" them out with my fingers, like I'm at a keyboard. I also do this thing where I bend my neck back; I do it every few minutes, and there is no explanation as to why I do it. But if I can't do it (like in marching band where we had to stand completely still) I would, again, get very frustrated.

When turning on and off the lights, I have to flip the switch on and off a certain amount of times. I have to chew my food on each side of my mouth a certain amount of times. Little things like that that are almost OCD.

There's several more weird things about me, but I'll just say one more. I have a very weird obsession with animals. It's not just the typical "teenage girl who loves animals" thing. I was like this as a kid, and I never grew out of it. It's to the point where if animals are not involved, I am not interested. A vacation, a class, a story, even a book, or a movie, or a show, that isn't centered around animals, is not something I enjoy. There are some very bad movies that I love, JUST because the main characters are animals. When I read a book about people (unless it's a fantasy that already has talking animals in it, like Harry Potter) I always envision the characters as animals. It's weird.

Or maybe I'm just a furry lol.

So, what do you think? Am I just messed up, or is there a legitimate cause to the madness?
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