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  #41  
Old 01-09-2012, 08:47 PM
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Beanie Beanie is offline
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If I were anywhere near you, I would smack you across the face and tell you to STOP IT.
Seriously.
Stop it.

Quit talking to him. I don't care what your excuse is - your thoughts are destructive and you need to stop it. You know it's bad, so stop it.
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  #42  
Old 01-09-2012, 11:14 PM
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PlottMom PlottMom is offline
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I don't want to be smacked. I want to lie here until I die.

And Renee, he's 36. Or, he will be, in February, when I'll be 27. So he's not REALLY old. *sigh*

I know my thoughts are destructive I just don't know how to STOP THEM.
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  #43  
Old 01-09-2012, 11:37 PM
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Paige Paige is offline
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It wasn't some long term relationship in hindsight but my son's father dumped me when I was six months pregnant because he "couldn't deal with this anymore"... and I found out two days later he was dating another girl. I then had to put up with him and her dropping in and out of my son's life playing parents when they wanted to because they are selfish twats. It took me a long time to let go entirely but I finally have. If you don't NEED to talk to him don't. It never helps.

I have met and started to make a life with an amazing man. If he could walk out on you like that after three years he is not the man you should be with anyways. Take your time to heal and when you are least expecting it someone worth being with will come along.

Takes a lot more than love to make a relationship work. You can love him till you are blue in the face. It isn't going to make it all better. So instead love yourself and move on hun.

And vent. We are here for it. <3
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  #44  
Old 01-09-2012, 11:56 PM
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Zoom Zoom is offline
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On a completely clinical note: If you were having condomless sex with him on a regular basis, you are also most likely going through semen withdrawl, which intensifies the break-up feelings. Out of left field, I know, but there you have it.

I dated this one guy, it was only for about 9 months and it was the most turbulent, tumultuous relationship I'd ever had. There were times were I never thought a relationship could be that much fun and then I was left staggering at how much of a f*cking @sshole he could be. We went overseas on a trip, had one of the best times of my life (I'm now at the point I can look back at that trip fondly again), he asked me to move in, discussed adding me on some key things...and then a week after we got back, he cheated on me with his bat-sh*t crazy ex (who showed up a 3am one morning, trying to break in to "talk").

I'd made the mistake a couple of times of listening when he said he missed me and realized just how big of a mistake he'd made in breaking things off. Even after the whole cheating thing, where I moved not only states but timezones to get away from him and the whole smoking wreckage, I was still so wrapped up in him and he was doing all the "right" things you see in the movies--sending me flowers every week, presents, etc.--that I went for it again. A third time. I don't often make the same mistake, but apparently when I do, I make sure it's a doozy.

Anyhow, the final time was when I finally realized that I couldnt' take the up and down (and knowing he probably was going to/had already cheated with Psycho again) and I made the clean break. I told him exactly what I thought about him in his driveway and then drove back to Colorado and I've never contacted, nor had contact, with him since. Despite his best efforts. Daily text and IM messages. Getting mutual friends to tell me just how "heartbroken" he was, what a changed man, blah blah blah.

I dreamed about him at least a couple times a week for nearly a year after that and he still occasionally makes appearances over three years later. Only person I've ever dated to do so. He was so totally the wrong guy and I feel that his chapter in my story was to show me things I may never have experienced on my own-- and to provide a foil to the amazing guy I'm dating now. I adore Ted like you wouldn't believe, but I know that some small part of it is that I have a perfect idea of just how great he is as a boyfriend, because I've been with the up and down type.
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  #45  
Old 01-10-2012, 07:14 AM
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Taqroy Taqroy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PlottMom View Post
I don't want to be smacked. I want to lie here until I die.

And Renee, he's 36. Or, he will be, in February, when I'll be 27. So he's not REALLY old. *sigh*

I know my thoughts are destructive I just don't know how to STOP THEM.
Honestly, I think your wallowing time is over. It never worked for me anyway - it just led to obsessing. Which is what you appear to be doing now and it's bad. And I, like Beanie, would smack you if I were closer. I would feel guilty over it but you need to snap out of it. The only person you're hurting with this is yourself. He LEFT you. He's just toying with you now because he feels bad about hurting you but he obviously still feels he made the right choice.

I'm really truly sorry that you're hurting so badly. You need a new foster, or a friend, or a new hobby, or to go to a dog show. You need a really awesome distraction.
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  #46  
Old 01-10-2012, 07:49 AM
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Or he is just loving having this much power over you. Sex is all fine and dandy , but get a personal toy and satisfy yourself. Men are so not needed most of the time! lol


I wish you would feel better and realize you DESERVE someone who loves you for you.

Please please please dont destroy yourself over someone . YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT!
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  #47  
Old 01-10-2012, 07:50 AM
~Tucker&Me~ ~Tucker&Me~ is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zoom View Post
On a completely clinical note: If you were having condomless sex with him on a regular basis, you are also most likely going through semen withdrawl, which intensifies the break-up feelings. Out of left field, I know, but there you have it.
WHAT?! Really? Can you link me to where you got that information... I need to see evidence!
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  #48  
Old 01-10-2012, 07:55 AM
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OMG found it:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/artic...-spilled-semen

Curiosity got the best of me
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I think u need some angry school.
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Originally Posted by Renee750il View Post
That's what we do here. We're emotionally invested in each other and each other's dogs, the joys and the sorrows.
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  #49  
Old 01-10-2012, 08:33 AM
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Beanie Beanie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by -bogart- View Post
Or he is just loving having this much power over you.
That. I'm sure that is at least part of it.

Don't worry about your thoughts; worry about your ACTIONS. Those you CAN control. Don't call him, don't take his calls, don't talk to him. THAT you can stop. And when you've stopped those, the thoughts will also start to go away. But as long as you keep that connection there, you're only going to keep the "well but maybe he'll suddenly be overwhelmed at how fantastic I am!" thoughts going. You will not heal like that. You'll just continue wanting to lay there.

Get up and get on with your life WITHOUT him... that is the only way you will be able to get on with your life without him. Because "without him" is your life now. He broke up with you. You need to break up with him too.
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  #50  
Old 01-10-2012, 08:52 AM
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sparks19 sparks19 is offline
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put an elastic on your wrist... everytime you think about calling or texting him SNAP IT. lol seriously. Make sure it stings.

Even though you don't want to ... get up and go out. Even if it's just to the grocery store or something. But get up and leave the house. shower, get dressed (NOT in pajamas) and go out somewhere.

Give yourself a challenge. Don't contact him or answer his calls for 48 hours or however long you set the goal for (must be 24 hours or more)

Like Zoom, I was with a man who was horrid. I didn't know it at the time but I was a shell of my former self. He was horrid but I couldn't break free of him. I felt like I NEEDED him.. that I couldn't be without him and that there wouldn't ever be anyone else who would want me (not a healthy relationship in a lot of ways) even though I was settling. I wasn't happy with him, I didn't love him but I didn't know it then. He was a horrible horrible person and one day he broke up with me and I jsut wanted to die. I called him constantly. I begged him to come back. for two weeks this went on. finally I stopped calling... that was when he called me.

we got back together and things got worse. He lorded his power over me, I never saw or talked to my friends. I was in a major depression. I dont' know how I finally snapped out of it but I did and told him to get out.

it was a horrid part of my life BUT I believe having that relationship is what straightened me out and taught me a VALUABLE lesson about what kind of man I wanted to spend my life with. So it seems awful and senseless now but one day you will find out the lesson.
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