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  #21  
Old 12-30-2011, 06:19 PM
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Originally Posted by PlottMom View Post
he does have PTSD and a traumatic brain injury... he's a true success story, in that he functions pretty normally. but yea, that's stuff that never really goes away. he spent 3 years at walter reed...
Hubby has PTSD and TBI from his last deployment... I'm not gonna lie, he can be a wanker sometimes, but he's never treated Winnie the dogs or myself badly, and he's certainly never left us (I'm not saying he treated you badly, just for the record because a lot of people here know my track record with my X) so maybe you could blame PTSD or the TBI, but I wouldn't. Maybe you need to get some counseling TOGETHER if he's willing to try it, but give him space and let him approach you. If he doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be, and frankly I think you deserve better.

I have a long crappy ending relationship story, but everyone here already knows it, and you know what? I ended up in a Cinderella story, and so will you. You know why? Because you deserve the REAL one. <3
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  #22  
Old 12-30-2011, 06:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Backward_Cinderella View Post
Hubby has PTSD and TBI from his last deployment... I'm not gonna lie, he can be a wanker sometimes, but he's never treated Winnie the dogs or myself badly, and he's certainly never left us (I'm not saying he treated you badly, just for the record because a lot of people here know my track record with my X) so maybe you could blame PTSD or the TBI, but I wouldn't. Maybe you need to get some counseling TOGETHER if he's willing to try it, but give him space and let him approach you. If he doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be, and frankly I think you deserve better.

I have a long crappy ending relationship story, but everyone here already knows it, and you know what? I ended up in a Cinderella story, and so will you. You know why? Because you deserve the REAL one. <3


If anyone here can tell you something real, its Tiff.
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  #23  
Old 12-30-2011, 06:50 PM
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All I can do is commiserate. My husband was my "kennel partner" in my kennel of 3. We had a home and I thought there was enough love and common interest to see us through our other problems. It did not work. I was with him for 7 years and have been essentially single for the last 3 since we split. There are days when I feel like you feel, PlottMom. I am going to be 32 in a few months, and I'm starting over with few prospects, no kids, and no real idea of what I'm doing. So yeah, you might say "I feel ya."
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  #24  
Old 12-30-2011, 07:01 PM
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Yes x100 million to everything Fran said... do not call him or text him or ask "why why why?" The truth is you DON'T really need to know the answer to why. And let's be honest - is there REALLY an answer to that question that will make you go "Oh okay" and make everything better or everything suddenly make sense? There's not. So don't torture yourself seeking an answer that isn't going to help you feel any better anyway.
All you really need to know is he is not The One... and it's over.


I don't know just how you feel but I do hear you for sure. I've been there... wondering how it's possible there is any other guy out there for you because surely this guy was THE ONE... and it makes no sense anybody could ever be a better match...
but I can also tell you that, with time and distance and a lot of healing of the heart, you might be surprised at how much of a better match you can find...

I'll be 28 in June and I've been through a number of totally wrong guys and a very select few that I thought were right... I know lots of people here will probably tell you 27 and 28 is way too young to feel like you'll be alone forever, but sometimes I feel that way too. On the other hand, sometimes I think it might not be so bad after all to die alone as the Crazy Dog Lady, LOL...

(((((((HUGE HUGS))))))) and please, please, if you need to vent, please post here... we're all here for you. Don't hold it in, don't suffer alone, don't think you HAVE to be alone. We're all right here.
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  #25  
Old 12-30-2011, 07:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Sweet72947 View Post
Yeah. And it makes me angry that people think they can make that decision for you. If somebody didn't want you, either broken or whole, then they wouldn't BE here, would they??

.
well yes... it usually makes the other person angry to have the decision made for them but it doesn't change that that's how some people feel and can't get over that feeling. for some reason people with a "problem" (real or imagined) honestly believe that the other person would just be better off without having to deal with their problems and that they deserve better. Right or wrong... it happens all the time
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  #26  
Old 12-30-2011, 08:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
[B][B][I][U]

NOBODY who was your true love/meant to be, walks away like that. Him leaving doesn't mean your love story is over, it just means his chapter in your story is over
.....

but sometimes good things have to fall apart so better things can come together


These two sum it up so well, thanks Fran for being as inspirational as ever!!!

Plott, you deserve nothing other than the best. If he can;t give that to you, then no matter how right it seemed, he just is not your soulmate. Know that all of us here on Chaz are here for you...please keep us updated.
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  #27  
Old 12-30-2011, 10:50 PM
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The best advice for starters -- and the one that's going to be hardest to take, is DO NOT CALL, DO NOT TEXT, DO NOT CONTACT HIM.

Take that from someone who has been there, done that, made the mistakes, learned it the hard way.

You did absolutely right for yourself by doing the mini-makeover thing

Hug your dogs. Seriously. Be the crazy dog lady for as long as you feel like it.

Lick your wounds in your den for awhile. Even a leopardess needs time to retreat and recover.

Get angry. Don't make excuses for him. You don't have to stay angry at him, but you do need to BE angry with him for awhile.

Some of the best advice I ever got came from a guy who told me to get rid of all the pillows and sheets from "then." GREAT advice.

((((((HUGS)))))))

And yah, you gotta live through it. Just let the pain flow through -- it eases up faster than if you dam it up.
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  #28  
Old 12-30-2011, 11:20 PM
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ugh. the don't text/call/contact advice is the hardest. i still love him so g-d much, and we were friends for sooo long.

chaz, as always, is a wealth of support. thanks, everyone. i just feel so defeated most days.

i still have way too many dreams about him, and can still vividly see our kids.
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The Plotts:
UKC GRCH 'PR' Hannas Creek Liz
CH CCH CA 'PR' Jebb's Bayou Rage OFA Hips: Good

And the "off-colored" hounds:
Daisy Duke Garrett CGC, RA & my <3 dog (basset)

Very Missed:
UKC GRCH CCH 'PR' Skyplott Teddy Bearhug (5/2004 - 3/2014)
UKC CH CCH 'PR' Hannas Creek Irresistible You
'PR' Dead River K-N-A Swagger - the BAD puppy!
(and Autumn, the feist.)
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  #29  
Old 12-30-2011, 11:38 PM
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Hurts like a mutha, doesn't it . . . It really does ease up, even though part of you doesn't want it to.
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In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves. ~Buddha

Stupid is the most notoriously incurable and contagious disease known to mankind. If you find yourself in close proximity to someone infected with stupid, walk away as soon as said infection is noted.


There are few things more nauseating than pure obedience. ~ Kvothe

***8206;"silence is the language of god, all else is poor translation."
— Rumi
Be a god. Know when to shut up.


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Felurian
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  #30  
Old 12-31-2011, 12:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Renee750il View Post
Hurts like a mutha, doesn't it . . . It really does ease up, even though part of you doesn't want it to.

it is the most painful thing i have ever been through - physically & mentally.
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The Plotts:
UKC GRCH 'PR' Hannas Creek Liz
CH CCH CA 'PR' Jebb's Bayou Rage OFA Hips: Good

And the "off-colored" hounds:
Daisy Duke Garrett CGC, RA & my <3 dog (basset)

Very Missed:
UKC GRCH CCH 'PR' Skyplott Teddy Bearhug (5/2004 - 3/2014)
UKC CH CCH 'PR' Hannas Creek Irresistible You
'PR' Dead River K-N-A Swagger - the BAD puppy!
(and Autumn, the feist.)
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