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Old 12-30-2012, 11:34 AM
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Default Disappointment over gifts

Do you think it's a sign of selfishness or ungrateful to complain about people giving you gifts that are unequal in monetary value to what you gave them?

On another forum I'm on, this one girl mentioned she was a bit disappointed because she spent a lot of money choosing gifts she really thought her parents would like, and in turn they got her just a small, practical gift. I can understand being a bit miffed about something like that, those are close family members, and it was more of a disappointment that her parents weren't more attentive than a money thing.

Then, a bunch of others chimed in.

"I spent $25 on a gift for my boyfriend's mother and she just got me a perfume that was discounted for $7.99"
"I bought each of my brothers a $15 gift and they each gave me a bit of chocolate."
"I bought all my nieces and nephews gifts and my siblings didn't get anything for my baby"

Dude, maybe nobody wants to gift you a gift because you're such a whiny ungrateful little douchecanoe about it?!? Do people buy others gifts just because they want something in return? If I get someone a Christmas gift that's more than just some cookies or a small generic token, it's because I want them to be happy and enjoy it...probably not out of the goodness of my heart, but just because I'm not going to waste time and money getting gifts as some kind of bartering exchange.
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Old 12-30-2012, 11:41 AM
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The way I see it... if giving gifts was meant to be tit for tat, then we might as well all just buy ourselves a bunch of gifts and be done with it.

I am at a different place in my life than, for example, my 20s year old niece and nephew (and the nephew is about to get married to boot). I like that I am able to be generous to them, but in no way in hell do I expect them to reciprocate (nor do I need them to). When they've reached a level of financial stability, then they can be generous to THEIR nieces and nephews.
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Old 12-30-2012, 11:55 AM
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Originally Posted by sassafras View Post
The way I see it... if giving gifts was meant to be tit for tat, then we might as well all just buy ourselves a bunch of gifts and be done with it.
Exactly.
Give gifts because you love the person and want them to have the thing or don't do it.

I think complaining about gifts at all is just wrong I don't care what you got them or how much money they have or how much their vacation was or what you've done for them or what car they drive.. IT'S A GIFT! THEY DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING!

IT'S
A
GIFT

Someone gave you something. Just because!

Also, regardless of pretenses, you don't know what that persons finances are like, how much thought they put into the gift (even if it seems generic), or how much effort they put into getting you a gift.

You have every right to NOT LIKE your gift.. I mean that's normal.. sometimes people try and it just..isn't you.
but to complain and gripe about something that was given to you I think is a bit just..wrong.
Regift it, don't like it, recycle it, throw it out.. whatever. But complaining to people about it is just..gross.

And by complaining to people i mean.. people who know that person/could know that person. I mean, go ahead and gripe away on reddit or other anonymous internet place.
Because yea, sometimes your mom buying you a scale because you look a bit hippy these days does.. SUCK!

I had a older relative that used to give us all these holiday pack perfume thingies from bath & body works.. super typical right? I always liked mine ok but never really thought much of it
Turns out, she started saving for these things MONTHS in advance.. and was seen going by and smelling all of the different collections at B&B and talking about us to the sales people there to find the one that suited us best..
The sales people knew her SO WELL and knew all of us by name and interests because she put THAT MUCH EFFORT into them.

We didn't figure this out until after she passed
I always said thank you.. but I always regretted not being more thankful for a gift I thought was thoughtless.
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Old 12-30-2012, 11:59 AM
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[QUOTE=sassafras;2181806]The way I see it... if giving gifts was meant to be tit for tat, then we might as well all just buy ourselves a bunch of gifts and be done with it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post

IT'S
A
GIFT
Yep and Yep.

Gift = no strings attached, no hopes of compensation, you do it to do something nice for someone without expecting anything in return.

Totally dysfunctional behavior to give with the intent to manipulate the recipient even if it's just to manipulate them in to buying you something of equal or greater value. Ugh...
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Old 12-30-2012, 11:56 AM
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I think that there are definitely situations where it's "ok" to be disappointed over a gift...gifts that have had no thought put into them and were only given because the gift giver felt obligated, for example...but solely based on how much someone paid for the gift? I'd call that ungrateful at best. IMO some of the best gifts I've ever gotten didn't cost anyone a dime, and I don't give a gift unless I sincerely thought aout the recipient while making or purchasing it and wanted hem to be happy, whether or not I receive anything in return.

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Old 12-30-2012, 12:02 PM
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Personally to me it is more the thought and time that goes into a gift that counts then the cost. Though I do make sure that we spend and equal amount on each of our kids. Some times that means one child gets more gifts then another child but the amount spent was the same. For example my daughter this year got 5 gifts, Nico 6(three were small stocking stuffers) and my other two sons 3 gifts. But yet an equal amount of money was spent on each. Where as for my 5 brothers I sent mainly meaningful wall decorations that had and inspirational saying on each. I am just barely getting to know them so don't know their interests and such. So got something that would go with anything yet be inspirational as well and can be up all year round. They all loved it. Some decorations cost more then others but no one asked the cost.

For others I mainly give baking and I never get a complaint about that. With how busy households are getting finding time to bake for some people is hard. So getting some homemade yummy baking is the perfect gift and never complained about and usually begged for the next year.

It should never be about how much is spent. Most people don't know how tough of times others are going through even if they are family. It should be about the thought that went into it.
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Old 12-30-2012, 12:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sassafras View Post
The way I see it... if giving gifts was meant to be tit for tat, then we might as well all just buy ourselves a bunch of gifts and be done with it.
Agree.

I have family members who can't afford to get me ANYTHING (and I know that going in) but I still remember them. My happiness is seeing them happy.....may sound idealistic or corny but it's completely true.


Quote:
Originally Posted by NicoleLJ View Post
Personally to me it is more the thought and time that goes into a gift that counts then the cost.
Agree.

Example: Smkie took the time to cut me some snowflakes and mail them to me as a surprise! Things like that mean so much more to me than $ value.....she thought of me while making and mailing them and THAT is priceless

I will say I would be disappointed if my mother shoved cash at me on Christmas. I don't care if it was $1000 in a card..........no time, thought or effort was put forth and I'm pretty sure (unless I needed and asked for cash) it would seriously hurt my feelings.
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Old 12-30-2012, 12:03 PM
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Depends. Would be nice if we all could be happy to give gifts to everyone, but in reality there are people you are happy to give something to, and some you feel obligated to. If you go out of your way to find something nice for those people you feel obligated to give something to, and they give you crap in return, well... yeah that might sting a bit.

And if you buy things for your nephews and the parents don't get anything for your kids... it's not being whiny or ungrateful. It's your kids. I'd be frankly hurt for my kids, too. Of course it totally depends on how much money others have too.
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Old 12-30-2012, 12:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran27 View Post
Depends. Would be nice if we all could be happy to give gifts to everyone, but in reality there are people you are happy to give something to, and some you feel obligated to. If you go out of your way to find something nice for those people you feel obligated to give something to, and they give you crap in return, well... yeah that might sting a bit.

And if you buy things for your nephews and the parents don't get anything for your kids... it's not being whiny or ungrateful. It's your kids. I'd be frankly hurt for my kids, too. Of course it totally depends on how much money others have too.
I think with kids its different. Especially when they aren't old enough to kind of "get it" and at the age where gift exchanges are done at school or big family parties.. it's understandable that it should be fair and parents should make an effort to make sure it is. Even if it's opting out, doing secret santa, making gifts etc..
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Old 12-30-2012, 12:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
I think with kids its different. Especially when they aren't old enough to kind of "get it" and at the age where gift exchanges are done at school or big family parties.. it's understandable that it should be fair and parents should make an effort to make sure it is. Even if it's opting out, doing secret santa, making gifts etc..
Yeah, these people aren't at big family party. They mailed the gifts to family who live out of state. The kid is like 2 or 3 months old. He's not going to know his aunts and uncles (who he's never met) didn't send him presents.

If you're going to a family gathering with little kids and bringing gifts for some of them and not others, I do think it's wrong not to sort something out beforehand and know which kids are getting gifts.
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