Dog Site - Dog Stuff
Dog Forum | Dog Pictures

Go Back   Chazhound Dog Forum > Dog Forum News > The Fire Hydrant


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 10-19-2012, 12:48 PM
Dizzy's Avatar
Dizzy Dizzy is offline
Ho ho ho off.
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Wales
Posts: 17,260
Question What would you do?

If you found out your significant other was using dating websites?

Because I just did.... I suspected for a looooooong time, confronted him more than once, but confirmed it tonight. He's lied to my face, and even lied when I confronted him (said it was recent, message history says not). I asked him to give me the username/password which he did.

Fake profile, not even a picture of him. Messages to multiple women. Pictures shared, some long back and forth messages. All naughty stuff, some boring chat.

To clarify, we're pretty open minded, and I'd told him it wouldn't bother me really if I knew about it, and he was open about it, but he lied. Again and again.

I feel totally calm. Mainly because I knew. I knew, and I told him, even when he denied it.

What happens next though? What are you meant to do? He's "sorry", I told him he's sorry he was caught (last message he sent was an hour before I confronted him, I was next door).

We generally have a better relationship than most, I THOUGHT. Open, talk, laugh...

Sorry, I don't really have anyone to talk to about it.... I can't see me leaving him honestly.

I don't hide anything from him. He can even read this if he wants. I have no secrets.

Would you leave someone for messaging other women?
__________________
"Dogs are our link to paradise. They do not know jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing wasn't boring, it was peace."


Bodhi is the opposite of ignorance, the insight into reality which destroys mental afflictions and brings peace.

Owned by Bodhi Booglaoo and Fredington Holbein


Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 10-19-2012, 12:49 PM
AllieMackie's Avatar
AllieMackie AllieMackie is offline
Wookie Collie
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 6,294
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dizzy View Post
If you found out your significant other was using dating websites?

Because I just did.... I suspected for a looooooong time, confronted him more than once, but confirmed it tonight. He's lied to my face, and even lied when I confronted him (said it was recent, message history says not). I asked him to give me the username/password which he did.

Fake profile, not even a picture of him. Messages to multiple women. Pictures shared, some long back and forth messages. All naughty stuff, some boring chat.

To clarify, we're pretty open minded, and I'd told him it wouldn't bother me really if I knew about it, and he was open about it, but he lied. Again and again.

I feel totally calm. Mainly because I knew. I knew, and I told him, even when he denied it.

What happens next though? What are you meant to do? He's "sorry", I told him he's sorry he was caught (last message he sent was an hour before I confronted him, I was next door).

We generally have a better relationship than most, I THOUGHT. Open, talk, laugh...

Sorry, I don't really have anyone to talk to about it.... I can't see me leaving him honestly.

I don't hide anything from him. He can even read this if he wants. I have no secrets.

Would you leave someone for messaging other women?
I wouldn't leave someone for messaging other women.

I sure as hell would consider leaving someone if I caught them lying about something like that.
__________________


Finnegan - Border Collie | Porom & Barrett - Ferrets | Stan & Fiora - other half's cats
RIP - Fozzy 1993-2006 Palom 2008-2010 Ysera 2008-2011 Basol 2008-2012 Freya 2008-2014
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10-19-2012, 12:53 PM
milos_mommy's Avatar
milos_mommy milos_mommy is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 14,508
Default

My ex did this.

At this point in my life, I'd walk. Been there, done that, not going down that road again. Do I think messaging women for kicks online is some kind of horrific act of infidelity? No. Lying about it, IMO, is much, much, much worse. And, in my experience, if someone lies about something like that...they're probably lying about a whole lot more.

If he's willing to explain why he's doing it, come clean about it, and consider maybe therapy or helping to come up with a solution to fix it, that's a good sign. If he's still trying to make excuses or not willing to admit whatever effed up self-esteem issues are making him do this, get out of there.
__________________
"My favorite color is green, green like newly cut grass. When it comes to green with envy, though, you can stick it up your @ss!" ~ Grammy



http://www.adorablebeasts.blogspot.com
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 10-19-2012, 12:58 PM
Dizzy's Avatar
Dizzy Dizzy is offline
Ho ho ho off.
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Wales
Posts: 17,260
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by milos_mommy View Post
My ex did this.

At this point in my life, I'd walk. Been there, done that, not going down that road again. Do I think messaging women for kicks online is some kind of horrific act of infidelity? No. Lying about it, IMO, is much, much, much worse. And, in my experience, if someone lies about something like that...they're probably lying about a whole lot more.

If he's willing to explain why he's doing it, come clean about it, and consider maybe therapy or helping to come up with a solution to fix it, that's a good sign. If he's still trying to make excuses or not willing to admit whatever effed up self-esteem issues are making him do this, get out of there.
He's not saying a lot.... He can't really, he's been totally caught out. He's lying because he knows what he's done is wrong and he's trying to cover his tracks. He's been a cock and he knows it.
__________________
"Dogs are our link to paradise. They do not know jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing wasn't boring, it was peace."


Bodhi is the opposite of ignorance, the insight into reality which destroys mental afflictions and brings peace.

Owned by Bodhi Booglaoo and Fredington Holbein


Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 10-19-2012, 12:54 PM
Dakotah's Avatar
Dakotah Dakotah is offline
Kotah BEAR
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: GA
Posts: 7,998
Default

I am a jealous type, if you are with me, its me and me only. No need to message or talk to other women in the *naughty* way <<< THAT would make me mad. Talking to another woman is fine, my boyfriend has kids so he talks to their mothers and that is all well and good, but no need to be all "lets go do naughty things to each other in naughty places."

I would talk to him some more. I think it is definitely wrong he lied to you, lying doesn't get anyone anywhere with me, so again I would be pretty upset, more hurt than anything.

Personally, I don't think its the fact that he messaged other women, its the fact that he LIED to you.

Maybe I am looking at this all wrong and me being sick and incredibly ill today doesn't help the situation but still. I put my 2 cents in.
Hopefully y'all can continue to talk about it and possibly come to a crossroads about it?

ETA: The two above me answered it better than me lol
__________________
*War Eagle*
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 10-19-2012, 01:03 PM
Beanie's Avatar
Beanie Beanie is offline
Clicker Cult Coordinator
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Illinois
Posts: 12,841
Default

If you guys have an open relationship as long as he's honest about it, no, that's not something to leave him over.
BUT since he LIED about it...

Yes. Yes, I would leave him over it. And since you say he's continuing to lie even after he's been caught because he KNOWS what he did was wrong...

I would be gone so fast.

I'm really sorry. =<
__________________


Auggie - The Flash RN NAJ MXP MJP CGC
Payton - Sharp Dressed Man NA NAJ CGC
Pepper - Chocolate Swizz-l-icious
& the pest, Georgie - Peach Pudding N Pie NA NAJ
The Sheltiechick Blog
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10-19-2012, 01:03 PM
Dizzy's Avatar
Dizzy Dizzy is offline
Ho ho ho off.
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Wales
Posts: 17,260
Default

It's the lying I'm bothered about... I believe in working at stuff, so I'm not packing my bags. I'm wondering how to deal with it. What I need to see from him.

I'll leave him if I need to, I told him that. I don't WANT to though.

I really am feeling calm though. It's almost relieving to know I was right. Just drinking red wine, chilling with the dogs
__________________
"Dogs are our link to paradise. They do not know jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing wasn't boring, it was peace."


Bodhi is the opposite of ignorance, the insight into reality which destroys mental afflictions and brings peace.

Owned by Bodhi Booglaoo and Fredington Holbein


Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 10-19-2012, 01:04 PM
Fran27 Fran27 is online now
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 10,099
Default

Really hard to say without being in your and his shoes to be honest. I guess it depends what kind of future you want with him. And if he's willing to change. I'd have no problem with hubby messaging other women, but purposely going on a dating site to find women there... it would make me uncomfortable. That he lied about it would make me feel even more uncomfortable, like he feels he has something to hide. If he feels he has to hide something from you, it's probably more than just for kicks and to have fun.

I'd definitely try and get to the bottom of it, and why he did that, then lied about it.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 10-19-2012, 01:16 PM
milos_mommy's Avatar
milos_mommy milos_mommy is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 14,508
Default

I believe in working on stuff, too. If I was in a committed relationship, I wouldn't automatically walk because someone messed up, even cheated, maybe if they lied.

But if he's unwilling to talk about it, and continued to lie about it even when confronted...there's nothing you can do. If he's not willing to work on his issues, or your relationship, you can't work on them alone.

In your position, what I'd need to see from him would be 1) an explanation of why he did it, and why he lied. A GOOD explanation. 2) what he plans on doing to prevent a situation where he feels the need to lie to you again. 3) What you can do to help him control his behavior
__________________
"My favorite color is green, green like newly cut grass. When it comes to green with envy, though, you can stick it up your @ss!" ~ Grammy



http://www.adorablebeasts.blogspot.com
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 10-19-2012, 01:23 PM
CaliTerp07's Avatar
CaliTerp07 CaliTerp07 is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Alexandria, VA
Posts: 7,627
Default

If it were us, in our marriage, we'd probably seek counseling. If I had found out before we were married...I'm not sure I would have stuck around. The lying is pretty hurtful.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:19 AM.


1997-2013 Chazhound Dog Site