Advice needed: I think another guy's into me :/

[Dogdragoness]

As you all know, my OH & I have had our probs but I would NEVER cheat or think about cheating on him, I'm not even attracted to this guy (not my type anyway :/ ) but he always says high to me, talks to be & calls me names of endearment like "sweetie" & "honey" & has at times touched me in what could be considered a flirtatious way.

This is at work (I work race nights tending the entry gate to the race track) which since its close to the grandstand & the public hangs out there due to the pony people's horses wait there btw races so my job kind of requires me to be "nice" but I have done NOTHING to lead this guy on, I am polite & everything but no more or no less then anyone else I talk to (except my girlfriends of course).

He knows I am engaged, everyone knows as the track community is like a small town in the way that things get around quick & we have been going out for a while so everyone knows. All the other guys ask how my fiancée is but this guy doesn't even mention him, I haven't mentioned this to OH because I'm afraid of how to approach it, I dot want to make him feel bad or hurt his feelings , he isn't the jealous type but I don't think he would be happy learning that another guy is making passes at me & I wouldn't blame him :/.

What should I do?

[sparks19]

I'd say if it really bothers you you have to tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If you KNOW he knows you are taken and you really think he's trying to make a pass at you the only thing you can do is be honest

[CaliTerp07]

It worries me that you haven't told your fiance. If you're getting married, everything should be shared business, imo. The longer you go without telling him, the more it's going to seem like you're hiding it. It doesn't have to be awkward. Just tell him that you're getting unwanted attention.

In the mean time, I'd be frank with attention-giver as well. Polite, but firm.

"Hey sweetie, how was your weekend?"
"You know, it makes me really uncomfortable when you call me "sweetie", especially since I'm engaged to someone else. I'd prefer if you just used my name. And my weekend was great, thanks."

[Dogdragoness]

Thanks, since I haven't worked at this job since 2008, last weekend was the first weekend of live racing & the first time I have seen this guy & the last time I did I was single, there is a chance he might not know that me & my OH are serious together. I didn't mention it to OH because I had completely forgotten about this guy til Friday night (opening night).

Lol I used to get this kind of attention when I was single, but now that I am in a happy relationship, I truthfully have no use for this kind of attention :/, I have had my passing "glances" but they dispersed quite quickly. But I think this might be something more serious (on his end not mine) my intuition tells me that his attraction goes deeper then simple flirting, & the only thing that is keeping him from making a move is that we are always in public.

How to I tell this guy to knock it off without embarrassing him... Or should I be cut & dry with him?

Guys still like to talk to me, but this dude is the first one who has taken it to this level, the others are respectable about it.

[JessLough]

Well, I call people sweetie and love and dear at work all the time. On the flip side, I'm called sweetie and my love and my dear all the time. Apparently I'm screwed

Seriously though, I'd just be blunt in that it bothers you.

[sassafras]

You just have to tell him that even if it's not his intention (which spares him embarrassment whether you're right or wrong), his behavior is making you uncomfortable and you wish he would stop because you are practically a married woman. And distance yourself from him emotionally - no joking around or hanging out, and make sure you are NEVER alone with him.

Hm, honestly I'm not sure it's something I would necessarily mention to my husband. Not because I wouldn't want him to know about it, and I wouldn't really hide it either, but... not sure what the point would be in just bringing it up out of the blue. I would just deal with it myself and be done with it.

[~Tucker&Me~]

I see what Cali is saying about mentioning it, and I see what sass is saying about not bothering. Personally, I would be direct about it, tell him you are essentially a married woman and that you want to be addressed by your name. Give him the benefit of the doubt about not knowing. If his behavior continues after telling him you are engaged, that's when you should tell your SO. I wouldn't hide anything if asked but if the guy simply doesn't know and the behavior stops after you tell him to cut it out I wouldn't necessarily worry about having to tell yor fiancé.

[sparks19]

One night and it's the first time you have seen him since 2008? Yeah definitely don't assume he knows about your relationship on the first night after 4 years.

Don't confront him in front of other people that will just embarass him. Be gentle but honest. No need for "tough love" the first time. If he keeps it up be more firm

[Dogdragoness]

Yeah I jut think he is clueless, I'll treat it like he doesn't know even if he does, he knows a lot of the same ppl SO does & he's a valet (not the same kind that parks cars for you ) which is essentially an assistant the race jockey or trainer (if he has a lot of horses in & wants to use the same rider for all of them) hires if he's in a lot of races to handle his equipment due to time constraints so he knows all the jockeys who in turn know SO & I.

But I will still treat it like he doesn't know but my intuition tells me that he does.

[SkyRock]

I have guy friends like that and we do call each others with names like that, even when I had a boyfriend and they had/have girlfriends, in my case it's because we care for each other, I know their intention is not to hit on me and their girlfriends know too. If it bothers you, you should definitely tell him, or mention your boyfriend in the conversation so he gets the hint that you are not interested in going out with him. I don't think I would tell my boyfriend though, you are not doing anything wrong and before you know the intentiona of this guy he's not doing anything wrong either.