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Old 10-05-2012, 04:34 PM
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Default Does true honesty have to be brutal?

I've seen a lot of people want to be blunt and don't want to sugarcoat things. That's cool. I try not to sugarcoat things, either.

But in the past few years I've noticed an increase in people just being cruel and then if someone takes offense they're like, "TROLOLOL, sorry honey, I only tell the truth. Deal with it."

Let's say for example your friend wants an opinion on dresses she's trying on. She's a little chubby, but not fat. She wants a dress that flatters her figure. She puts on this awful thing that detracts from her her good qualities, makes her legs looks shorter and the waistline makes her look much heavier than she really is.

Which would you rather say to her when she asks how the dress looks on her?

1. "Nah, that dress isn't flattering on you at all. Go with one of the others. This other dress over here looked much better on you and it's really nice and slimming."

2. "OMG! This is cracking me up! You look fat as hell in that thing! Look in the mirror, it makes your thighs look even fatter than they already are! And your love handles stick out!"

I know a lot of people who'd take the second option and run with it, and if the friend takes offense, would just just say, "You wanted honesty. I'm honest. Don't cry about it."
Isn't the first option just as honest? Do you have to point out every single detail of how bad she looks to be truly honest?


Am I the only one who's seen this kind of thing a lot and taken issue with it?


[Oh, and a note. In my hypothetical situation, this not your best friend you can say anything to, knowing you won't offend them. I have a few friends I will tell extremely outlandishly mean things to and we're close enough we know exactly what the other means and no offense is taken.]
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Old 10-05-2012, 04:43 PM
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I think I'd just say, "there's something not right about the cut of the dress. I don't think it hangs right. Here, try this one on." LOL.

Yeah, I don't think every instance, especially one like this requires brutality...but some things do.
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Old 10-05-2012, 04:54 PM
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No, you're not alone in this.

I've always had a real issue with people who are cruel, hateful, nasty, mean, petty, etc., and hide behind "I'm just being honest."

Sometimes the truth can be painful, but it doesn't have to be delivered with a knife buried in it, and should never be delivered by someone who is going to enjoy inflicting pain.
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Old 10-05-2012, 05:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Renee750il View Post
No, you're not alone in this.

I've always had a real issue with people who are cruel, hateful, nasty, mean, petty, etc., and hide behind "I'm just being honest."

Sometimes the truth can be painful, but it doesn't have to be delivered with a knife buried in it, and should never be delivered by someone who is going to enjoy inflicting pain.



I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this. Honesty is one thing I value very highly in a friend. To make an example of you, Renee, you've always been honest with me, even with some stuff I didn't want to hear. But you have never, ever been cruel to me.


Kind of on topic, I was just thinking about who you're talking to can be important. In high school my best friend got in a car accident and was bruised up like crazy. She hadn't seen her face yet, but knew she must look bad. She asked me how she looked and I said, "Like a syphilitic hooker who had the **** beat of her by her pimp." But she was my best friend and she laughed, which was my whole point, to cheer her up.
That's another thing. Know your audience. If I said the same thing to a friend I recently made at church. . .just no, LMAO.
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Old 10-05-2012, 05:16 PM
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Not generally, but man... every once in awhile I meet a person who just doesn't listen otherwise.
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Old 10-05-2012, 04:56 PM
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Honest and mean aren't the same thing... honest. ;]
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Old 10-05-2012, 05:02 PM
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For me it depends what it is. Like if I think someone is wearing something ugly or is overweight I probably just won't say anything. Now if someone does something like starve a dog all bets are off when it comes to sugar coating it or making it sound less harsh.
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Old 10-05-2012, 05:04 PM
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Stealing from Fran here, there's a difference between honesty and "angry bold jackassery." lol I'm fine with the former, but the latter gives me the rage.
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Old 10-05-2012, 06:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yoko View Post
For me it depends what it is. Like if I think someone is wearing something ugly or is overweight I probably just won't say anything. Now if someone does something like starve a dog all bets are off when it comes to sugar coating it or making it sound less harsh.
Ditto. lol.
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"When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty."

Thomas Jefferson
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Old 10-05-2012, 07:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yoko View Post
For me it depends what it is. Like if I think someone is wearing something ugly or is overweight I probably just won't say anything. Now if someone does something like starve a dog all bets are off when it comes to sugar coating it or making it sound less harsh.
Well, I would sure hope you wouldn't just stop and tell someone they're overweight. I'm there. I don't need reminding.
That reminds me of 8th grade. Two of my friends crowded around me and started whispering that my shorts were too short. I was thinking, "Oh, no, is my ass showing or something?!" I pulled my shorts down a bit in the back a little and asked if that was better. They said no, my shorts were too short because they showed my "fat" thighs and I should stick to long pants.
Thanks, friends. The funny thing is that at that time I wasn't even a little bit fat.
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