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Old 08-11-2012, 05:48 PM
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Default Church advice and work advice

I swear there are too many decisions these days.

Okay so... I've been going to a church here with a church group here. The people are very nice and the group is very active. But I can't make most of their socials, just class and then bible study. Their socials are on weekdays at 5 or 5:30, which is impossible because I HAVE to go home and let the dogs out and exercise them. I'm also one of the oldest in the group and one of a very few with a full time job (which is probably why they schedule their socials when they do). Most are grad students.

I like the people a lot and they're fun to hang out with whenever I can. I do often feel out of place though since so many are still in college and still students.

So I am trying to decide if I'm going to be church hopping again. I know of a church with socials on Tuesday at 7 pm, which I could make. Their singles group is supposed to be huge which is intimidating but could also mean there's more people to potentially make friends with.

I'm still having trouble really 'connecting' with any social group outside of dog classes and art classes, where I'm by far the youngest (the art classes are all elderly women). At work I get left out because I'm the only single one and am a lot younger. I often find myself being the only one not invited, which sucks and I don't know what to do about it. I try being nice and social but I even though I get along with everyone at work, it isn't going to lead to outside of work friendships, I don't think. I don't know what I do wrong and it's frustrating. I think it's really hard because in my group there was already a group of really close girls who hang out all the time and are really cliqueish. I've kind of given up there even though I do get along with them at work. The people I really enjoy talking to at work are all way older than me or are married.

There's a new girl this week that briefly mentioned how she and her fiance were church hopping and had no friends since they moved. She seems nice too, and is the same denomination as my family. I might ask her where she's tried going but she's probably looking at young couples groups.

I'm just really missing my group of college friends and the close friendships we had. I really don't have that with anyone now except my sisters and it sucks. Friend making was not this hard while I was in school.

Then work... it's going well but I found out about a new position from my old boss that is opening up. Don't know what I want to do with it yet. It's a sideways position, not a promotion. Different group and discipline. I like the idea of a more active project and meeting more people. But the job duties are mostly data loading and I would not get to do as much hands on stuff as I do now with presentation/graphics making, etc. The graphics making is my favorite part of my job right now. I think it would be a lot more monotonous. I would also have to learn new software again as they use different programs. But it's in physics, which could be more of an opening with my math degree than what I do now. But maybe not.

Bah! Been stressing for about 3 days now. I need a beer.
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Old 08-11-2012, 05:55 PM
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I don't have any advice or anything, but you have my e-hugs.
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Old 08-11-2012, 06:00 PM
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Thanks, I definitely need a hug today!
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Old 08-11-2012, 06:06 PM
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No problem. :]

I just graduated in March, and I've kinda been going through the same thing. My friends have all either graduated and moved out of the area, or they haven't graduated, and are always doing stuff when I'm at work, so I end up feeling pretty isolated. And then, my job is only through mid-September, so work friends (while lovely) are probably not going to last long term. /whine
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Old 08-11-2012, 06:08 PM
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Aww ((hugs))

I can kind of understand. Sometimes I feel so lonely, like I don't really have a "group" of friends. I have two friends that I've known since I was 4 that I still hang out with semi-often but each of them have different "groups" if you know what I mean (all of us went to different colleges) so it's usually only either the 3 of us, or 2 of us, and we don't really hang out with each other's groups, lol. if that makes sense. Then I have my dog friends. etc.

And now I am working at this daycare at the gym, and all of the people definitely seem very friendly, but not sure if we'd ever hang out outside of work or not. I guess we'll see about that. And then for the last 3 years, I've been dogsitting so it's just been me and the dogs, lol.

With someone like me too who doesn't really like to go out to bars, I do wonder how I'm going to ever find a good guy, lol. A church group doesn't sound like a bad idea, but I really don't go to church or enjoy it, lol.

*sigh* Good luck. I think all of us chazzers should just... move to one street and we'll all have each other.
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Old 08-11-2012, 06:23 PM
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My best friends live in south Texas, Minnesota, and California now.

I don't know why I am having so many problems. I have no problem talking to people, holding a conversation, I'm always smiley and such. Always say hi when I see someone I know around.

I'm not interested in the same stuff as most the girls I know. They all watch the same shows (the Kardashians) and like to talk about fashion designers, gossip, etc. I always feel awkward and out of place.

I think if I could find a church group where I could actually GO to the socials, that would make a difference. I just don't know. I do like the people I've met at the one church and hate to 'throw that away' by switching churches after going there for 6 months. But I think really getting involved in a different group could be great.
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Old 08-11-2012, 06:32 PM
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I know you mentioned the age difference, but do you have opportunities to hang out socially with your friends from agility? I know I'm a bit older than you, but I have to say, the age issue has disappeared for me. Even the "single vs couple" thing has. Some of my dearest friends are either considerably older than me (10+ years often) or younger than me (8 or so years). Some are married, some are in committed relationships, some change relationships more than I can fathom...but we can all go to dinner and have a great time. I have very few friends who are within a couple of years of my age, but I have fantastic friends in their 20's and 40's.
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Old 08-11-2012, 10:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurelin View Post
I don't know why I am having so many problems. I have no problem talking to people, holding a conversation, I'm always smiley and such. Always say hi when I see someone I know around.

I'm not interested in the same stuff as most the girls I know. They all watch the same shows (the Kardashians) and like to talk about fashion designers, gossip, etc. I always feel awkward and out of place.
This is me too.
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Old 08-11-2012, 10:04 PM
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Quote:
I keep waiting for my hot guy with a border collie to show up to an agility event.
Go to a disc event. Holy cow, was I impressed. And not by the dogs.
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Old 08-11-2012, 10:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BostonBanker View Post
Go to a disc event. Holy cow, was I impressed. And not by the dogs.
I'm really hoping to get into disc with my next dog! There is hope for me!

Yeah he could have quite a few breeds that I would accept too.

One good thing about the church I haven't tried yet is that they have singles groups up every decade of life till your 50s. I get the news letter from them already (because I asked about it a while back). They have a 20 somethings group, a 30 somethings group, and a 40 somethings group. So, room to grow in the future too.

The church I'm at now has no 30 somethings singles group. They just have the transitions group, which is mostly early 20s. Then there's a young professionals group but most of them are already married.

And yes, it's great to talk about it and realize it's not just me! I sometimes feel like I'm the only person in the world 'transitioning'. I'm 25 so feel like I should be more settled sometimes.
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Hank - (approx. 10 month old Spotty Dog)
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