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Old 03-03-2012, 02:08 AM
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Default How to Start Over

Wondering if anyone has had this happen to them after losing their heart dog..or attachment/fear of abandonment issues...or any advice.

I have not been able to be attached to dogs or form a bond or strong connection after Georgia passed away. I know it sounds horrible. Of course the dogs have been treated all the same, they're still my babies...I just haven't felt that connection. In 2 years. And it is really bothering me. I LOVE DOGS. My whole life has revolved around dogs. If you asked me when I was a kid what I wanted to be when I grew up? A dog. When I ran into my sister's old ex BF from years ago he said Oh my god, Breawna! I thought you'd grow up to be a Golden Retriever and marry a Bassett Hound! LOL. I don't even go in any isle besides the dog isle in book stores. My room is decorated with pictures of me and my dogs. All summer I take my dogs places. When someone asks me what I like or what is significant to me? Pit bulls. What am I going to college for? Anything to do with animals. But I have just felt disconnected. The only connection I have felt with an animal after losing Georgia was with my rat, Monkey that I lost a few months ago. It has bothered me so much I have talked about it to my counselor. UGH I feel so sad about this I feel like a part of my life is missing. I have always had extreme attachment and trust issues, fear of loss/abandonment. When my dad went on vacation when I was a kid I would cry and scream for DAYS saying I didn't get enough notice. When he came back I wouldn't talk to him for days. When my uncle died that I met once when I was a baby I cried for weeks and prayed to him and always slept with his blanket. When my Grandpa's dog died, I was upset for WEEKS. It has always been a serious problem for me, and now that I have gotten older, of course I handle it differently - but I do it by refusing to be in relationships, form relationships, find ways to get out of relationships so I don't have to deal with losing them after I get attached. I have panic attacks and extreme anxiety if I become attached to someone. I feel WAY too vulnerable. I just don't do it.
So when I lost my dog, my best friend, I lost it. And now I don't know how to start over.
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Old 03-03-2012, 07:58 AM
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Barb04 Barb04 is offline
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I think you need to take life one day at a time and not pressure yourself to feel that way again. You will feel that love when the time is right and you're not trying to feel it. Give yourself a break and try to enjoy the family you have even if it's not the same as what you once felt. Hugs
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Old 03-03-2012, 08:41 AM
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I had the same problem with not bonding with every dog I bought after Daisy. I wouldn't worry too much... keep working with them, going places & training... it took something like two years with Liz (I used to stay up & CRY & be so upset I wasn't bonding with her), over a year for me to be able to say "you're a good dog & I love you" to Rage, and when I first bought Autumn, I spent the next six months trying to give her away.

For me, it had a lot to do with forging that bond as it related to their own individual personalities. Daisy WANTS to work, and never wants to be more than 6 inches from me, and our bond is insane. Through training with Liz & taking her to work, she's become more like an old friend than anything else, and our bond is starting to reflect that. Rage is like a working partner, and I'm learning to appreciate that as well.
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The Plotts:
UKC GRCH 'PR' Hannas Creek Liz
CCH 'PR' Jebb's Bayou Rage CA

And the "off-colored" hounds:
Daisy Duke Garrett CGC, RA & my <3 dog (basset)

Very Missed:
UKC GRCH CCH 'PR' Skyplott Teddy Bearhug
UKC CH CCH 'PR' Hannas Creek Irresistible You
'PR' Dead River K-N-A Swagger - the BAD puppy!
(and Autumn, the feist.)
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Old 03-06-2012, 06:48 PM
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Thank you both so much. Your replies made me feel a lot better
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Old 03-06-2012, 07:35 PM
Saeleofu Saeleofu is offline
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Honestly it may just be a matter of waiting for your next heart dog to come along.

Gavroche is my heart dog, pure and simple. I adore Logan, and I do have a bond with him, but it is NOTHING like my bond with Gavroche.
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Old 03-06-2012, 07:42 PM
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When Mia goes, I'm going to be a complete basket case. I've had a lot of dogs and it's been very sad when any of them go, but I am certain that when it's Mia's time it will be a whole different level of grieving for me. I love that dog so much.

I don't know that that is very helpful but it's the truth. So you are definitely NOT alone.
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Old 03-06-2012, 08:26 PM
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I can relate. I love all dogs, but I don't bond with them all equally. I love my Duke and he's a great dog but what I have with him pales in comparison to my bond with McGruff. Which sounds ridiculous because I don't even own him. However I was with him 8hrs a day, every day for 2yrs from the daycare. When he's with me my life just seems whole, and our bond kind of weirds me out because of how strong it is.

No dog can ever be as awesome as Crime dog is and that kind of sucks, because I would love to feel the same feeling again. However I can still love, care and bond with other dogs in my life (Duke and Boom) with no issue. They don't get less care because they're not my heart dog and that's okay I think. They don't no any different so I wouldn't feel bad about it.
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Old 03-08-2012, 11:17 AM
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Find the source of your real strength. Being able to be vulnerable, to accept that willingly and with an open heart, is the hallmark of the truly strong. That takes willow-strength, the ability to bend without breaking and to let life, love -- and healing -- flow to you and through you.

You have it. You just have to find where it lives within you
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Last edited by Renee750il; 03-08-2012 at 11:40 AM.
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Old 03-08-2012, 11:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Renee750il View Post
Find the source of your real strength. Being able to be vulnerable, to accept that willingly and with an open heart, is the hallmark of the truly strong. That takes willow-strength, the ability to bend without breaking and to let life, love -- and healing -- flow to you and through you.

You have it. You just have to find where it lives within you
Perfectly put. I couldn't have said it better. The source of your strength is within you and not dependent on a heart dog. I know...easier said than done. But give it time and your renewed strength is what will make it easier to bond with another dog. I really believe that.
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