Husband's ex-wife is REALLY P-ing me off!!!! [Archive] - Chazhound Dog Forum

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juliefurry
07-15-2005, 01:19 AM
Ok, we had my stepsons over 4th of July weekend and we are suppose to drop them off on Sunday's with her. Well ME AND HER had made the agreement that if the boys came down on Monday (instead of Friday) and stayed all week until Sunday that she would pick them up after the fireworks were over (we went to Chicago to see the fireworks at the marina). Well Sunday she calls up and says "oh we're not picking them up after the fireworks you have to drop them off!" So we have a HUGE two hour arguement with her and I get SO mad. Well she backs off and says she'll pick them up sometime BEFORE the fireworks, and we leave it at that. Well, we get the the marina, have a couple drinks, and then she calls and says she NOT picking the boys up and that we have to drop them off NOW (and she lives an hour and a half away). So there's ANOTHER hour long arguement in front of people that my dad works with and then we decide to drive them home and then come back for the fireworks. So we drive them back (there's another half hour arguement at the door) and then we pay ANOTHER $18 to park (plus the original $16 we paid when we first got to the marina). Well we called her later that week and told her we wouldn't be taking them this week because it's my birthday Monday and my parents had paid for us to go to Wisconsin Dells for the week ( and she said fine but she needed extra money besides the $600 we pay to her every month anyways!) So we sent her a check (which she QUICKLY cashed) for an extra $100. Well I get a call from her JERK OFF boyfriend today saying she was on her way to drop the boys off tonight (thursday) and I said "no, they can't come, we have plans and won't be home until next Sunday!" Well evidently they took the child support money that we had given them plus the EXTRA $100 and had booked themselves a nice vacation somewhere to be gone ALL THIS WEEK, and just decided not to say anything. So I called my husband up at work, balling my eyes out because now we can't go on vacation. He called her and she replied "It's your weekend with the boys so YOU'RE taking them!" Just to fill you all in I haven't had a vacation in three years, and this was going to be a makeup honeymoon. So she drops them off at our doorstep like twenty minutes after I get this call from her STUPID boyfriend. IT'S NO FAIR!!! I know I might be a little hard to follow but I'm SO MAD right now. She was given notice that we wouldn't be here and she did all this stuff on purpose. Now we have to cancel our trip, and stay home. The worst thing is my husband took his last week of vacation this week coming up and now he HAS to take it so we can't reschedule his vacation or the trip :( . And the oldest boy has just been a complete JERK ever since he got down here! I mean I do LOVE these boys but I was SO excited about getting a vacation and I have NEVER been to Wisconsin Dells so I was SO EXCITED! I may sound a little ignorant but I'm not mad at the boys I'm mad at my husband's ex-wife! She has ruined EVERY special thing that we have done, or wanted to do, since I met my husband. She ruined my baby shower, she ruined our daughter's first birthday, she's ruined every birthday I've had since I met Mark, and Mark's too. And it's all because she is jealous and still thinks she can control Mark's every moves and she still thinks she can push him around! Sorry I couldn't help myself I'm just SO MAD now. I was SO looking forward to just going away for a week and not having to deal with anything and just relaxing!

Love4Pits
07-15-2005, 01:51 AM
I am so sorry this has happened to you. She does sounds jealouse and bitter. She knows your better for your husband then she was and i bet that bothers her. ((hugs)) your way and once again im sorry you can't have your vacation.

Question why could'nt your husbands ex find someone else to look after the boys? Gradnparents or friends of the family? Just sounds so inconsiderate.

juliefurry
07-15-2005, 01:56 AM
his ex doesn't care about the boys one bit! All she cares about is money, she'd let us keep the boys if she could still get the child support (and we thought about offering to keep paying her the support and letting us keep the boys but we couldn't afford it). She doesn't act like a parent at all for these kids, just uses them to get money. I do treat him better than her (seeing as I didn't sleep with all but one of his friends) and I think she's getting mad that he is listening to me and telling her off (it took me like a year and a half to get him to start doing that). We're gonna try to ask her parents to watch them but they'll probably be too busy. Grr...thanks for the support!

BigDog2191
07-15-2005, 02:05 AM
Whoah... I understand completely. She sounds extremely stubborn and unreasonable--cold-hearted person.

And it does sound like you need a vacation, I do too, and I MAY be getting one later on this month.

I wish I had some good advice but all I can say is I hope things get better and I guess a (hug).

juliefurry
07-15-2005, 02:25 AM
Thanks! We've had SO many problems that I was SO looking forward to this vacation. Hmm...maybe I'll just have some drinks tonight instead. Oh well, well hubby's home and he's laying the smack down on the oldest boy for being such a jerk tonight. So he wants me to sit out there and discuss this stuff with him. (it's past one o'clock, this kids 12 and he REFUSES to go to sleep because "i'm not his mother and I can't tell him what to do! He can do whatever he wants because his mother says he doesn't have to listen to me."). She tells these boys that they don't have to listen to me because I'm not their mother, and that they don't have to do anything I say. Although I think it's just this boy though. Because my husband isn't his biological father and now he's starting to tell him "you're not my dad, I don't have to listen to you!" When my husband is the only father this kid has ever known (my husband has been taking care of him since he was 7 months old). These kids. I mean I love these kids but it's his ex-wife that I can't stand. I mean with all the problems that I'm having now with Shelby, and the cats, we have to add this to it as well.

blue
07-15-2005, 02:38 AM
Can you and your husband take the boys even if you still have to pay support? If so next time they are dropped off, call the police and claim them as abandoned by their mom. After that you and your husband will have to fight fight fight.

I had a better response but that was 2 power outages ago, sorry.

blue
07-15-2005, 02:40 AM
Im going to be in WI in August, do I need to talk to her boyfriend?

blue
07-15-2005, 02:59 AM
As a son raised by mom and the stepdad maybe while Im in Wisconsin I talk to the boys and the raw deal they are getting.

Saje
07-15-2005, 04:02 AM
Awww Julie. Shitty. I feel for you. Really. I can't make it better so I'll just send (((hugs)))

Debi
07-15-2005, 07:15 AM
I'm sad for you. I'm REALLY sad for the boys...imagine what it must feel like to realize you aren't wanted either place. I don't mean that against you...I fully agree with you on this..the ex is a real piece of work. The kids should come first...guess she just doesn't get that. They are just little boys stuck in the middle...breaks my heart.

Renee750il
07-15-2005, 11:23 AM
Okay, Julie, you are definitely getting the S#*! end of the stick on this one.

It sounds like your husband needs to think a bit and buck up. First - (and I know it's too late, but maybe in the future) that extra money shouldn't have been sent until AFTER your vacation - if at all! From now on, abide by the letter of the agreement. Your husband needs to go back to his lawyer and see about getting this crap straightened out - and part of that is creating a record of what happens with the Court so you've got some leverage later on when you need it.

If she won't come pick the boys up, they stay - and if she doesn't bother to come get them for a week, the child support for that week (or whatever the time period is) gets put into a separate account under the boys' name. Your husband needs to petition the Court to do that. He also needs to see about petitioning the Court to make her accountable for how at least part of that money is spent. That's hard to do, but if he will start creating that record of the problems it's a possibility.

Another thing - and this will PO the ex off mightily :D Get the Court to order family counseling because of the behaviour of the boys. And SHE has to go to at least part of the sessions . . .

AND - remember, you have every right to tape record conversations that are made on your telephone in your house without telling the other party you are recording them . . .

Ask your husband if he wants the boys to grow up and think the kind of abuse and manipulation their mother is dishing out to him is normal and end up married to someone like that. It's up to him - right now - to show them a better way to have a relationship and how to be a man.

juliefurry
07-15-2005, 11:27 AM
It's not that their not wanted here, we love having them here. It's just we made arrangements as soon as we found out that my parent's had made the trip for us and she arranged her little "outing" on the same weekend purposely. She asked her parents to watch her and her boyfriend's kid (which they hopefully will be getting back to us in the hour on if they will take the boys or not). I wish we could keep them and not have to pay child support, but we've tried already and it won't work. Usually she will not let both of them stay with us either, it's always the oldest boy that she will so happily let stay (because he causes the most of the problems). She knows she needs one of the boys to keep getting the support. As for talking to the boys Blue, MANY have tried. We've tried, her parent's have tried, my husband's sister has tried, the POLICE have tried, the boy's mother and her boyfriend have tried and they just keep getting worse. The oldest boy stold a car from the neighbors a few weeks back (he's only 12) and the worse part is the neighbors didn't file a report because the kid is confused. I thought it would have been best for them to file a report. The kids both need the help of a therapist and unfortunetely their mother doesn't care enough to get it for them. We tried to figure out a way but we don't have them enough and with my work schedule and my husband's we can't take them extra days when we have them. We just don't know what to do to help them anymore, they need so much help and we can't give them what they need. The only thing we can do is just listen to them and talk to them and give them support and love and it seems like they are just pushing that away. Well except for the youngest boy he LOVES it with us. He woke me up at six o'clock today and wanted to play CandyLand with him. Now normally I would be mad but when you see him giving you that look he gives you can't help but play a few games.

Renee750il
07-15-2005, 11:31 AM
Go back to your husband's lawyer, Julie, and start the wheels turning to get the Court to order counseling . . . And be sure to tell the attorney about the car theft. You're right about it being better if it had been reported - it would get some wheels turning to that end.

juliefurry
07-15-2005, 11:41 AM
That's a good idea. We'll have to get in touch with his lawyers agian. We record EVERY message that we get from them because like 95% of them are threatening in some way. We also record every weekend things that happen. She'll refuse to drive them to our house and she'll just drop them off at Mark's sisters and tell Mark's sister that we had already agreed that I'd pick them up there, she won't answer her phone or come to the door, even if you know she's home until she wants money (so we may have to boys for a week or so at a time) and then she wants the boys back NOW. I have called off so many days of work because she won't take the boys back, and I've also brought them into work probably just as many. Luckily my boss is being cool about it (I mean who else is she going to get to run the store during the day while she sits upstairs and plays on the computer). I mean we've tried to explain what his mother and her boyfriend are doing isn't good. The few times the oldest boy has gone to counseling the therapists have called us and told us that any normal mother would have taken herself and her kids and gotten out of that relationship a long time ago. I'm just mad at her, I don't blame the boys, I know it's not their fault.

bubbatd
07-15-2005, 01:01 PM
That sucks for the kids !

Debi
07-15-2005, 02:18 PM
at 12, that poor kid knows the situation only too well. His mom 'dumps' him...off on you...which ruins your vacation. You could act nice about it, but he KNOWS it sucks. That's a really sad burden for a kid. It amazes me........then people wonder what happened to this child??? I know it so very hard for you, but think about it deeply..it's harder for them. In my world, parents take their children on vacation with them. I bet he wishes that were his world, too. He also constantly feels the tension between families......he feels to blame so he acts out. It takes a special heart to just wrap your arms around him and make him feel wanted somewhere. If you think I'm a goof about dogs.......obviously I bleed for sad children. Hang in there...it takes a special person to be a stepmom to begin with.....I bet that person is you. You lost a vacation, but that doesn't mean you can't have a happy week together. :)

juliefurry
07-15-2005, 03:51 PM
well we are already trying to do stuff with them. I mean I'm not gonna ruin my hubby's whole week off just sitting around and being mad. Plus I like when we do stuff with them and then they go back and rub it in his mother's face that we did something. We usually take them to our friend's property a little ways from here and take them fishing and four wheeling (it's free and it's fun for them). Plus the oldest boy likes to take the dogs for a walk so I like going just me and him. He's really taken to Shelby (and her to him) and I think she sort of knows that he's sad and mad so they sort of need each other right now. I mean we know what happened to the oldest boy. I mean video games are partly to blame most of the bad things that this boy does is related to video games (he steals games, he lies and cheats so he can play games) if this boy isn't playing video games he's a wreck. He shakes and sweats and he can't sleep good, he paces around and he's just constantly moving his hands like he's holding a controller. We've taken video games away at both houses so now he's going cold turkey and it's really bad right now.

smkie
07-15-2005, 03:52 PM
as my son says..take the higher road..even if you are sick of doing so..it doens't matter..make the best of the situation and try to consider your husband lucky to have more time with his child.

juliefurry
07-15-2005, 04:03 PM
yeah that's what we're doing. I mean yeah our vacation's ruined but we can't change that. Atleast I won't have to worry about the dog's and everybody for the whole week now. My parents weren't able to get their money back but they were able to reschedule the trip. We're going to try to go in six months when my husband can more vacation time (once they've finished like 70% of the work year they can use their vacation for next year). I mean if we had the money to pay for all the extra's that went along with bringing the boys we would have taken them but we just couldn't pay for it, especially after having to give their mom an extra $100. It breaks my heart because they were both such sweet boys, they still are, when me and my husband first met and now they're so mixed up.

Debi
07-15-2005, 04:03 PM
aw, smkie...that is sweet. :)

EliNHunter
07-15-2005, 04:03 PM
Julie, that just SUCKS! I would say "paybacks are hell", but there are children involved :( . I would fight for full custody. It's obvious she's mentally unstable and a HORRIBLE mother!!! You've got so much proof! Keep us posted...

juliefurry
07-15-2005, 05:01 PM
we're gonna talk to lawyers on monday and see if we can do anything. We tried a long time ago to get full custody but the lawyers said that she couldn't be proved to be a bad mother (although the situation has greatly changed). I know the boys like it here better than there. We're closer to all their family and we actually let them visit with them. They LOVE the dogs (each boy has their favorite)! Well I got my finger's crossed SOMETHING can be done with her or the boys.

EliNHunter
07-15-2005, 05:03 PM
we're gonna talk to lawyers on monday and see if we can do anything. We tried a long time ago to get full custody but the lawyers said that she couldn't be proved to be a bad mother (although the situation has greatly changed). I know the boys like it here better than there. We're closer to all their family and we actually let them visit with them. They LOVE the dogs (each boy has their favorite)! Well I got my finger's crossed SOMETHING can be done with her or the boys.

Good Lord... how many kids does this freak have?

juliefurry
07-15-2005, 05:15 PM
she had one when she was 16 (who my husband raised since he was 7 months old and then adopted), then they had a child together, then after her and my husband seperated she had one with the guy she's with now and now she's expecting one more in three months (with the same guy).

juliefurry
07-16-2005, 01:00 AM
OH I'M GONNA KILL HER!!! She just called her (and it's after 11 o'clock at night) just to tell the boys how much fun she's having...AT WISCONSIN DELLS!!! That s** of a B**** just COMPLETELY copied OUR vacation (and she knew we were going there) and then she has the AUDACITY to call and RUB IT IN MY FACE! OH I CAN NOT STAND THAT STUPID B****! Sorry it's an angry post but it's like WHY does she have to do this childish crap!!! Not only did she call to rub it in my face but the phone woke up my daughter so now she WIDE AWAKE having a good old time in her crib! I can't stand that woman! I shouldn't even call her a woman though because that's a COMPLETE disgrace to every woman on the planet. What also gets me is she has the nerve to tell me that my husband ruined their marriage. She told me it's all his fault that she cheated on him constantly and wanted out so bad. And I feel like telling her if he's that bad why haven't I cheated on him and demanded a divorce? I just can't stand this person and I really want to lay into her and scream at her for all that she's put my husband through, and the boys through (mostly the boys), her and my husband's family, and me and my family. She doesn't understand that she's not the only person in the world and the world doesn't just revolve around her! I mean when she does something it doesn't just affect her it affects EVERYONE.

Sheba
07-16-2005, 10:17 AM
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!

juliefurry
07-16-2005, 11:59 AM
sorry, I was SO mad last night. I'm better night, I had a good nights rest and Mark's sister even told us she'd watch the kids for a couple nights this week so we can go and do something. I'm better now.

Renee750il
07-16-2005, 12:04 PM
That woman's a waste of air, Julie. Fight for that court ordered counseling and be sure you take advantage of it as well! You're a big part of the family and I've got a feeling that, after the kids, you're bearing the brunt of the burden.

I hope your husband knows how lucky he is . . .

And don't talk to this woman anymore. Make your husband deal with her - after all, YOU weren't married to her, and it is his place to protect you from her. Once she can't get to you to enjoy being able to tear you up, a lot of her enjoyment will disappear.

Renee750il
07-16-2005, 12:06 PM
Lovely of her to rub her vacation in her boys' faces too, wasn't it. I can only imagine how those boys must feel, knowing their 'mother' is off with her new boyfriend having fun and doesn't want them around . . .

BigDog2191
07-16-2005, 12:35 PM
...That's unbelievably pathetic. Your anger is justified.

juliefurry
07-16-2005, 01:53 PM
We're going to see lawyers on Monday (oops, I guess I forgot to mention that to her last night when she called :D ). We're hoping to be able to get custody of them so that they can stay here and our friend is helping us find a therapist out here that they can go to. I hope something can be done to get them out of that house. I'm betting if we get custody of them that's the last we'll see of her. She doesn't want anything to do with them she just wants the money :mad: .

Renee750il
07-16-2005, 06:05 PM
Julie, don't tell her you're going to see the attorney. Let that be a rather nasty surprise. It always works better if they're unprepared. I'm betting she never paid her last attorney, so he won't be willing to take this on for her . . .

And seriously, see about having the attorney get a court order that keeps her from talking to you - she has to talk to your husband. I've seen that done a couple of times and a lot of the fun goes out of it for the ex when it happens.

juliefurry
07-16-2005, 06:25 PM
Nope, actually she didn't pay her last attorney. They had to do four different court cases because at the original divorce case she was pregnant so the judge granted the divorce but she had to pay for a paternity test to prove the child wasn't my husband's. Then she didn't go to the second court date, because "she didn't feel she needed to be there" so the judge scheduled a second date and made sure her lawyer told her if she didn't come she'd be put in jail. Then she kept screwing around with the paternity test and didn't get it done until the judge told her she'd be thrown in jail if she didn't get the test done for the next date. At the first court date though her lawyer asked to be dismissed and stated that she wouldn't pay her. The judge made him stay for the whole divorce thing so he had to go to all the court dates. Yeah we'll see about getting an order so that she can only talk to my husband too, I think that would be a good thing.

Martine
07-17-2005, 04:04 AM
I'm really sorry you didn't make your hoiday, but hope you get a good couple of days to go somewhere nice at least.

She sounds very similar to Bill's ex-wife, just after the money she can get - she pleads poverty to the Child Agengy, then goes on fantastic holidays with whichever man is her latest - never takes the girls anywhere. Luckily they can come and see us in Spain. I never have any dealings with her, as I would end up just as mad as you, in fact I am dreading the day I finally have to meet her. Bill rarely ever talks to her now, we are lucky that the girls are old enough to deal with direct. He can't be bothered to listen to her moaning & she is too tight to pay for an international call.....

Sheba
07-17-2005, 10:24 AM
I think that would be a good thing.

Me too :):):)

Renee750il
07-17-2005, 04:30 PM
Well, now, Julie . . . that is good news. Not much better for our side than having the judge all ready fed up with the other side :D

Judges were once human, too, and tend to get a bit bent when someone doesn't bow and scrape and show proper reverence for their exalted position ;)

juliefurry
07-17-2005, 10:15 PM
Renee, is there anything that I can do about her calling my dad's cell phone? We gave her my dad's cell phone number for the 4th of July (and she was suppose to only use it for that day and that day only). My dad called me up and said that someone had called his cellphone looking for me (a girl) stating that I was suppose to groom her dog and I cancelled because I hurt my back and she was calling to reschedule. I know she was calling just to doing something ignorant (because we were over at my parent's today for my birthday and she knew we would be over there). She called before we got there but we know it was her. My mom is going to give me a number that I can call to get the phone number traced (I don't know if she called from a cell phone if it'd work for that as well). But can we get a court order that she is not allowed to call my father's cell phone as well?