how to handle attachment went fostering

[smkie]

Ct i have been wanting to ask you this..what do you do about bonding with a foster dog..Shaffer loves me i know he does..and he cannot be my dog..he needs to bond with mom and hyia..i think the same question would apply to fostering a dog...i don't know if seeing them everyday from the day they go on to the new family or not makes any difference....i feel i am rejecting him everytime i leave. Yet when i go he sinks that beautiful head into my arms and just heaves a big sigh...i want to be able to express my love for him..but i don't want to cause him pain too. What should i do? Time i am sure will work this out.one way or the other, but i do not want to cause him further injury...i think he has had enough. When you foster a dog...do u keep some detachment or do you let your heart go fully?

[Vickih]

I'm really interested to know this too as I'm thinking of fostering for my local shelter.

[CreatureTeacher]

I think it's different for everyone. But I discovered early in my dog experiences that if I didn't fall completely and totally in love with every dog I worked with, I was doing them a huge disservice. Dogs, especially those who may have come from tough beginnings, respond to love more than anything else. If they know you respect them and love them no matter who they are or what they do, they give you the same times a thousand in return. So yes, it breaks my heart into little pieces every time I give one up. I have a wall covered in pictures of "my" dogs above my computer, and I still remember each and every one of them. It's painful for me to let them go, even though I know they're going to wonderful homes to live wonderful lives.

The only reason I keep doing it is that I strive to be a good dog myself. A dog can teach you so much if you're willing to listen. If you watch over a foster dog for 6 or 8 months and then give her up to a good family, you can watch her show that family the same love and appreciation she showed you. You know she's doing the same great things for them, and you know they're getting to experience the same love for her that you have. Dogs are such in-the-moment animals. I think they could love a hundred people with the exact same intensity with which they love just one.

There's enough room in a dog's heart for you and for her new family to be side-by-side.

I had a really hard time getting past my two-year-old self inside that said, "No! Mine!" and I could come up with a dozen reasons why I should keep this particular dog for myself. But if I did that, I wouldn't be able to show her new family what an amazing dog she is. Then her new family wouldn't grow up knowing how great dogs can be, and they wouldn't see the point of fostering dogs themselves. They might not think to volunteer at the humane society on Saturdays, and it might not occur to them to report a case of animal abuse when they saw one. The love of one dog can do spectacular things, and I just can't hoard it all to myself when I know how it can change people and make them better. Even though I lose that little piece of my heart every time I lose a dog, it does so much good that I know it won't be long before I'm head-over-heels in love again with another fuzzy face!

[bubbatd]

It is hard ! Knowing I'm doing what I can for a while and knowing I can't keep them helps. I try not to do anything a new family would have trouble with. If they are bed buddys I let them continue, but I don't encourage if they've never been or a couch potato. The joy of seeing them with the forever owners is great ! Families visit them here, then I visit their home with the dog....then when picked up they are familiar with everything. As hard as it is, once gone, I don't interfere except by phone 100 times a day !! I always send on whatever bedding they've used here plus what seemed like a favorite toy. Then I get the kleenex !

[smkie]

It isn't that i want them to be mine,,it is that i don't want them to think i am rejecting them each time i leave and don't take them with me..like when i take onyx home, and everytime i leave with Victor and MAry and not Shaffer, He has to wonder why he can't go too.. i suppose he will figure it all out, i just don't want to hurt him and have him feel that i don't think he is every bit as important. I hug him deeply as soon as i arrive and tell him i think he is just marvalous..then i put them outside to play..he talks to me as i shut the door in his face..it is hard to do. The same with Onyx when she buries her head in my shoulder as i try to pull her out of the back of my car..sigh..maybe there isn't an answer to it, it just has to be that way. Victor and Mary are all i can have here, the landlord wouldn't put up with anything else and i don't blame him. He was great when he caught me in the yard with Shaffer..he could have reacted so differently....If a person was fostering a dog..and then they turn them over i guess it is different,,you don't see them everyday..i want so badly to be able to tell him..hey guy,,,,i am just a port in the storm..these people are your pack now..i tell him i am counting on him to protect my mama and Hyia..that it is his job now but i doubt he understands my words.

[darkchild16]

i know they are going from the start so i pay attenetion to them and pet them but they dont sleep in my bed and go everywhere with me like walker. it was really hard for oour first one but now i dont even come close to getting attached but thats just me